The Brownie Incident, Episode II

Is it the Thai food before the brownies that makes Liz' men have problems, or is it the brownies themselves, or is it the evil that lurks here at the coven........we all know what happened to english boy back at christmas on the brownies.......halucinations, out of body experiences, etc.. etc.....flash forward now to Friday May 27th, Liz' brings her new man up for Team Satan to inspect......we meet Liz and Man at Thai resturant, (don't know if new man ordered the same as english boy...hmmmm) things are fine......

Later on at the coven, the brownies come out.....I had only a very small piece this time, as I didn't want the munchies coming to get me, as I am on my billy diet (and the last time I had brownies, a whole box of donuts went missing.......and came out my ass the next morning.....) but the small piece of brownie was enough to get the buzz on....Liz had a larger piece than normal, are you sure you want that big o' piece dear liz???? She then hands yet a larger piece to the New Man....he downs it in one gulp.....he's larger than english boy, he should be ok............

Satan and Liz' new man go out on the deck and talk shop for what seems to be hours, by this time, I am watching the tivo'd Giants game, and my buzz is going good, the game seems to be more magical than I have ever remembered base ball to be.....Liz is trippin.....she is pacing back and forth, keeps checking on the boys out the back who are stilll yapping about work stuff.....Liz is getting worse, she asks me to play the dice game....no this baseball game is magic, and the controls I am holding in my hand just feels good I have to clutch it, it may run away....can't play dice......so Liz gets my new facial cart and brings it up to the couch, we will play dice damnit!! Just then, Satan comes in, oh you are playing dice, we will come in too!!

So Liz puts trolley back and goes back into kitchen with dice....I can't and will not get up off of couch, again it is me and the baseball game that matters right now......so Satan and Liz' man comes in and they go into the kitchen.....the dice game gets started....I here through my purple haze that Liz can't add to save herself at the moment....and when I look into the kitchen I notice her man is missing.....hmmmm.... where is he.........when all of a sudden,

From the bathroom we all here "HUhhhhaaaaaaa", Huhhhhhaaaa", man is he retching up his insides or what???? Another brownie eater bites the dust, and another ones gone, and another ones gone, hey the brownies will get you too, another brownie eater bites the dust.....

So after again what seemed like forever, he is STILL in the bathroom, Liz is now freakin or is it the fact that another man has been affected by the brownie...she says to Satan, could you go and check on him.....Satan just does an evil grin, and walks far away from bathroom, Liz, he's your man, you check on him, I say.....so with a scared look of what she might find in bathroom Liz heads in........

And she says what she saw in there reminded her of the scene in the "Blair Witch" where the guy is turn toward the wall, only her man is sitting Indian style on the floor with head in hands....uh, are you ok......Liz gives him some water, more hurling explodes out of this man....Is he now puking up his intestines???? ......I am now in other room thinking, can someone O. D. on brownies??? Are we gonna have to take him to hospital?? Who is coharent enough to do this??

Again, what seemed like forever and a day, Liz finally gets her Man outta the bathroom and into their room.....we find a projectile vomit bucket for him just incase he needs to go again while in the bedroom......Liz comes back out, "well, I guess I will go to bed" she says, looking rather miffed as she was enjoying her buzz, and now she is having to play nurse maid.......

So the evening at the Coven comes to a close........and let this be a warning to all who enter the coven, if Satan and I don't drive you insane by the time you leave, our brownies will....MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Magic Man on Cob Mountain

Today I went to see my account in Lakeport...not that exciting...then it was on to an event I had planned in my other account in Middletown, (or shall we say Middle Earth.....) to get there you have to go over Cob Mountain.....

It was such a beautiful drive thru the mountain today......the sun was out, it was around 80 degrees, no one around, so I was haulin ass around curves, it was great...and of course when you are cruizing thru a mountain, you can only pick up odd radio channels...where do these channels come from......well the only one that would come in was an old 70's rock channel, which was actually pretty perfect for the drive, as the drive was reminding me of many o' winding mountain road trips I took in my childhood with siblings and the parental units.....

So, as I round the bend, Magic Man by Heart comes on......and wouldn't ya just know it, the view before me was just like from the back cover of Little Queen album By Heart.....minus the roaving band o' gypsies.....but everything else was the same man....it was cool......it took me back to being in Mangey's room listening to the Little Queen album on her record player, staring at the back cover, wishing I was there, wishing I too could be that cool and wear such giggin clothes..... and wow, here I was 25 years later just about, in the same place....but without the gypsies and their giggin clothes......just me in my black car driving down the mountain......

Well, unfortuanately the song ended, and what was next but J. Geils' Love Stinks......yeah I remember that tune too, singing it at the top of my lungs in the shower, a meer 13 year old...like I knew how loved stunk back then, but it felt like I did....however, that song now reminds me of one of the best parts of the Wedding Singer, when Adam Sandler is singing that at the wedding after he gets dumped....man now that is funny....

But it was quite a ride I am tellin ya, the great old tunes, spring still in the air, no one around me, could it be that this vampster was having a *gasp* happy moment......don't worry friends, it didn't last long, as the smack up side the head of reality was just waiting for me down the other side of the mountain....the real stinker of the day WORK!......Work stinks yeah yeah!! Work STinks! Yeah Yeah!!

My Wardrobe This Week: A Yellow Caution Sign with the Yellow Caution Tape as Fashion Accessory.....

Lets see, what has been happening these last couple o'days...hmmmm......

started new diet and exercise regime thanks to mr. billy blanks and tae bo....hey, I don't have those personal trainer perks that Mangey has, so I have to buy me some billy to do the trick...he has a website where they give you a 7 day diet plan and a video tae bo schedule to stick too...well its day 2 of the diet, day three of the exercise, am I any thinner yet? The diet is basically a low carb one, except just alot of veggies...ALOT of VEGGIES...man, I am not used to eating this much veggies, or cooking for that matter......

Actually spoke to liz....yeah, wedded bliss sucks.....she is too DAMN HAPPY!!! But she will be up here this weekend, and then we will see how sweet she is by the time she leaves, heh heh heh.....

Started back to work today..IT SUCKS!!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! ok, enough about that subject....

Listed my fictitious business license with one of the local papers today.....one more step closer to my new life.......

Beware : Flaming PMS week ahead.......This IS your only warning............

TO THE STATE BOARD: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STATE BOARD DATE???????? I am going insane hunting down the mail each day, the build up of the antisipation, will the letter be in the mail box, will it be there, oh please oh please.....checking the mail.....FUCK!!!!!!!! NO FUCKING LETTER!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (I am seen kicking mailbox and neighbor's mail box, and starting to run with hands in the air crazily after mail truck, as Satan has to come and put on my straight jacket and guide me back down the driveway....)

Oh yeah, life is good, could it be that I have eaten too many vegetable in a 24 hour period and I am losing it????????????????????????????????

Boring Update.....

So it is Saturday morning....and the sun is finally out....Satan is busy mowing the grass in the back yard (not that kinda grass mangey!), I have already exercised my fat ass with my new Tae Bo dvd I purchased the other day.....

So nothing new to report....no date for state board....last weekend before I have to go back to work and deal with the evil one again....

did construction at my shop (wow, I can say "shop"!! hee hee how exciting) yesterday, the ugly mirrors have come down, purchased paint, so will be painting next week, once my room gets to the cool looking stage I will post photos for you all to see....still working on a name, although had to get ficticious business license the other day, so put down Comfortzone as the name, but Willow Moon Skin Care is coming in a real close second...will have to get business cards and brochures together soon.....

Tried to steal Jens Star Wars stuff off of her blog, but my st0opid blog wouldn't take it...figures...I suck at stealing things....

Ok, times up, I am off to plant my veggies in the garden now.....

What's In A Name.....

Ok so here are some names I have come up with.....let me know what you like, Satan didn't like any of them...but thats because he is Evil....simply evil.....

And the nominees are:

Breathe
Lavender
SageSkin
SkinThyme
Dragonfly
Ivy Moon Skin care
Willow Moon SkinCare (and no this is not after my dog as Satan thought)
Enchanted Skin
Skin Magic
Comfort Zone


Why is this so fuckin hard to come up with a name...........at least the sun is starting to come out today......

Too Much Time On My Hands.......

Here it is the second day of my vacation...and its RAINING!!!! What the fuck?? It is May 17th for gods sake? In almost a month it will be summer...and I will have missed spring completely!!

Ok, so what have I done on my spring vacation so far? Yesterday I was out in the garden between showers trimming the roses, as they have developed black spot AGAIN on their leaves...the only way to get rid of it is to destroy all leaves containing the black spot, even the dead leaves in the dirt....while pruining back roses I got slashed at least 3 times by them....now I look like I have been in a fight with a cat.....I also studied yesterday for my state board exam, which at this moment if it is all anatomy and physiology, I will FAIL miserably........I took a midday nap, which was glorious, absolutely glorious!!!

Today Satan is home as he is taking two days off being he worked this past weekend at the Napa home and garden expo......so we slept in till 9am, had coffee and tea out on our deck in the morning, went to Wally World to purchase fish food for the Koi in the pond, where Satan decided he needed to purchase two more maple trees, just because they were there, came back home and made lunch, tried to study some more, where again I feel like an anatomy idiot as nothing is sticking in my head........Satan is now watching his tivo'd selections on the tv, I watched my soap (Days of Our Lives) in real time, and am now blogging......I would really like the weather to turn into Spring as this sucks looking out the window seeing February skies, when it is Mid May!!!! Oh yeah, and we had a popcorn explosion in the microwave....Satan likes the carmel coated popcorn, so when it was on its melting the carmel stage, the fuckin' bag decides to do a header on its side, (where am I, but bitchin' to Satan about how I hate to study) and by the time the microwave goes beep, we now have popcorn everywhere in the microwave and carmel dripping off of all the sides! Fuck, now the microwave needs cleaning out!! And I still don't have a name for my business.....so keep the names coming people, I need some sort of inspiration!!!!!

Whats My Name Again.....

Here it is Sunday Morning and I have actually checked out everyone's blog this morning. I haven't done that in ages. It was quite fun....

Satan is working this weekend at the Napa home and Garden expo showing off his limestone fireplaces. He should be getting some good contacts that will bring us lots and lots of dosh!


I checked my bank account yesterday and it seems the State Board has finally cashed my check for my pre app for the test! YIPPPEEEE!!! This means this week I should be getting a letter from them letting me know when my test will be!!!! I had a dream last night that I got my letter and it said my test was May 17th! I was rather freaked out by it as that date is two days away and I haven't studied a damn thing since I graduated school....so I guess I better start studying today....as my date could be soon, and I need to ace it as I have an actual place o' business to go to once I have passed!

Speaking o' business....I am trying to come up with a name for my place....I had a name, but no one seemed to like it...they thought it was kinda creepy.....but that's the type o' chick I am....creeepy.....anyway, I was gonna call it Skin Addiction....but they thought that Addiction was bad as it congered up images of drug addiction, alcohol addiction.....but not all addictions are bad I tried to tell them, but they all nixed my name....so now I am trying to come up with something.....so if any of you have any ideas for a name I would greatly appreciate it...and yeah, I have already gone through the list of Vampys back crack and Sack wax hut....so sorry, I've nixed that idea too...but any REAL names you would like to supply that would be bitchin!

And one more thing before I leave you all to go and do my weekly grocery fest, when is Spring gonna get here.....it keeps raining every other fuckin' day....I am sick of it!!

I Need A Remedy, For What Is Ailing Me....

Is there a strange hive like sickness going around? I know older sis had weird hive thing happen to her the other week, my nephew (yes, I am acknowledging and evil spawn) had weird hives the same time as older sis.....one of my accounts had weird hives on legs and upper chest the other week, my esthetician has weird hive like things on her legs and on her stomach....And now I have them on my lower legs and backs of my arms....MOTHER FUCKER do they itch!! Thank god I am not a skirt wearing kind o' vampyre as my legs have been scratched so much by myself that I have drawn blood....mmmm, blood.....

Anyways, at first I thought it was this lavender scrub I bought at the Vegas expo, as it started around the time I started using it....so I stopped using it...it went away for a bit, but then thought it was the new body lotion I was using as it is on my lower legs and elbows where I usually apply thicker moisturizer....FUCK, will the itching ever end?? Its even worse than a Yeast infection, and those my dear friends are pure torture for all my sistas out there who understand that haynus itch....

So I have been slathering myself with all the moisturizers for sensitive skin trying to stop this itch....I popped a couple of benadryl to see if that would work....and I slathered on an oatmeal mask on my legs and arms, that helped some....but I can feel the itch coming back........

Someone said it was due to stress...which would be understandable, as I just finished school, I am trying to figure out when to study for my state board test (which they haven't sent me a date yet, grrrr), I am trying to get my stuff ready for my new business, and work at the same time with my evil boss ( who I was with yesterday).....hmmmm maybe that is the cause of my strange itch.....anyone out there have any other remedies for this itching disease???????????

Slow Week......

I have a new food obsession. It is sugar free chocolate pudding that you get in the cold isle of the grocery store...ok I just wrote sorcery store....what was that about?? Anyway....I think why I love this pudding so much is that it takes me back to when I was a little vampyre and my mum would give me pudding for a snack when it was just her and me at home when Mangey and older sis were at school....yes those were the days.....

And yes, Mangey, I still have surpressed memories re: tower records bag. And for good reason. Don't even start with the pencil, or I will have to hurt you, and not in a good way.

Had to be with my boss all day today. Oh my god, was it the longest day in hell.

In more related strange animal sightings, the Heron has now decided to come back to our garden and try to eat the fish. It has been turning up just for Satan to see, but today it came around for me twice. Hmmm...............

That is about all the news for now...its been a slow week here at the coven......is it Friday yet? Think I will go and eat some more pudding..........................

I am such an Ass and A Boar!

I am taking a break at the moment from my micro managing report that is due tomorrow. Yes, I am working on my day off. It is due at 9am tomorrow. Am I going to get up at the ass crack of dawn to do it....uh, no. So tonight it is.

What really sucks is that I am reporting on what I did last week. well, if it were a true report, I would put down that I was in school finishing. But no, I am here lying my ass off trying to come up with things I didn't do. Hmm, maybe this is the week I give notice. I am so over this job.

I have a meeting tomorrow with the salon that wants to take me on board with them. If all goes well, I will have a new place of buinezz by tomorrow! I just need State Board to give me a friggen date so that I can take my test!

In other non related news we had an influx of caterpillars on our two willow trees today. Satan filled nearly 1/2 a bucket full of them. They must of had some serious caterpillar munchies as they were chowing down on the leaves! In looking in my "Animal Wise" book of animal totems, it says that caterpillar represent new birth and new foundations. They are a symbol of good luck in the early stages of new endeavors. They also hearld a time of good news, new birth, and creative inspiration, signalling a time to get ready to start a new project or initiate a new endeavor. I guess this goes in line with the wild boars I saw on my way home Friday night, which mean be true to yourself, and own who you are, and also the donkeys that I keep seeing, which is a sign that a promise of awakening wisdown and the approach of new opportunities of greater work. Don't be stubborn and refuse to move with the flow. In other words, don't be such an Ass!

School's Out for EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wooo HOOOoooooOO!

I finished school!! My 600 hours was completed yesterday a 5pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I just have to wait to take the state board test so I can get my license, and then its later daze corporate world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was absolutely grand sleeping in this morning, not walking the dogs in the dark, and actually going on a real dog walk (45 min unlike the 10 min. walk for the last 7 months) and I also exercised my ass when I got home from the walk!!

Nothing like sitting on your ass in class for seven months that you start to see the pounds creep on...it sucks, it sucks, it really really sucks....so now I have to get back to the weight I was before I started school. Hopefully it will be easy....I will just have to get Satan and I back in the climbing gym as that really dropped the poundage on me!

So my graduation ceremony has been changed as it was going to be the friday of Memorial day, but most people would not be able to make it, so they changed it to the first friday in June. So hope that works out for Liz, Jen and Mangey! And anyone else who would like to come out for a weekend of frivolous fun and loaded brownie eating!

It's Getting Hot In Here.....

What can I say, its nice and warm down here in the 8th level of Hell, and I am closer to Satan this way!


(and see Jen, I do read your blog, remember, I like to lurk!) this Quiz stolen from Jens!




The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's" Inferno Test

Wicked!

What else could I be but a Maniac Killer, seen as how the hell test sent me to level 8!

You are a maniac
killer.
It doesn't matter who they are and what they
have or haven't done. You still want to kill
them. And for a simple reason only; it's fun.
Seeing people in pain is like ecstasy. Maybe
you have some sort of mental problems or you
are this way because of previous deep scars,
only you know. But now you are sadistic and
maybe you only like to see a special group of
people be in pain (e.g. preps). However you are
not the most social person in the bunch and
people think you are weird. That bothers you
somewhat but atleast you can entertain yourself
with daydreaming about killing them. After all,
they have no idea what's coming.

Main weapon: Explosives and torture
equpiment
Quote: "Insanity: a perfect
rational adjustment to an insane world" -
R.D. Lang
Facial expression: Wicked smile

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by

Planes, Trains, and AutoWhores

Ok here is the run down of the Vegas two day fest....I am still recovering from it:

Got to Vegas on Friday night around 10pm. Met up with school buds at the Hilton. School Buds got waysted and started coming on to Satan. (that was amusing). Had one of my school buds tell me, " I had no idea your husband was a hunka hunka burning love. I expected him to be kinda chubby (oh, not in a bad way she says, yeah whatever), long black hair like you but also real spikey, real pale like you, with piercings all over his face (what do you think I married, pinhead?) and all in black like you, I had no idea you married such a fine man!"

Ok, so how do I respond to something like that? So I just said, yeah, you can't judge a book by its cover, just because I may look like death, doesn't mean my husband has to.

Anyway, the night was most amusing, as I was slightly buzzed, Satan doesn't drink heavily, as Satan + drinking = massive puking......anyway, Our friend Chris was normal drinking, but the rest of the crew (4 other chicks) were plowed.... didn't get back to our hotel till like 3am, and realized we had to be at the convention by 9:30....oh this isn't going to be good.....

Saturday: Call school buds to see how they are (it is about 8:30), school bud who thought Satan was hot has serious hang over and has been puking her guts out for the last hour. She is still going though, other school bud has eye pads on....but they will be ready....and they were, so we get to the Tax class at 9:30....hard to listen to numbers that early in the morning when you are hungover....then after class, hit the expo floor and went spending mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bought tons of stuff for my new buziness and didn't finish spending till 6pm when the doors closed for the day..

Saturday evening: met up with Satan and Chris who had been at red rocks all day and went out to the Venetion for dinner with school buds who were dressed up like they were looking to get some......ok whatever, I am dressed in my black comfort clothes, I feel like I am way underdressed, so does Satan and Chris...........had a good dinner, walked the strip for miles it seems, school buds complaining that their feet are hurting in their stilletos...(well what do expect?) Got to the Alladin and watched some bad club bad try and sing Santana, Britney, Delight, Tone Loke, and other bad 80's tunes for a while, then headed back to our hotel via the monorail (which you now have to pay for, used to be free), as again it was around 2:30am............................

Sunday: Rudely jarred from sleepage by the phone ringing...it is school buds, saying they are ready for breakfast(as Satan had made plans the night before in the elevator, I was in bathroom...) it is 8am.....and one school bud has to be on a plane by 11am. SHIT!!!! So of course I am running around room throwing things together, in a real fowl mood as I am not happy in the morning when told I am to be up by now....throwing stuff on, washing face, brushing hair, yelling at Satan and Chris just because I can.....throw our stuff in our suitcases (as we won't be back to the hotel, as we need to check out too)....anyway, got ready in 20 minutes (a miracle) and made it for breakfast by 9am...now you see I love breakfast, so I wasn't going to blow it off, otherwise I would, but breakfast rocks.......

After breakfast, SAtan and Chris went back to redrocks, me and other school bud went back to the convention and spent MORE money.......school bud left early as her mom was coming into town...so walked around convention by self purchasing more stuff....so I was so loaded down with stuff by the time Satan and Chris came to pick me up.......
Made it to the airport with plenty o' time to spare...........................................................Just to be told that we may not get on our flight because they have overbooked.....WTF?????
So we are standing around waiting and waiting, while everyone is boarding the plane, doors close and we are still standing there going come on dudes someone let us on....there are a few other people waiting to see if they could get on too....when ASSHOLE Fuckhead and his ASSHOLE wife come running up to catch the plane, and they are yelling at the flight chick, saying that they need to get on the plane, they purchased these tickets over a month ago. YOu need to get on that plane and take off the person you gave our seats too.....blah blah blah ......he was such a fuck head.....and the flight chick just stared at him told him he would have to wait, she couldn't help him as she was trying to help us, Ass hole wife is yelling at ASShole husband, Asshole husband is yelling at flight chick...flight chick turns her back on ass hole, and tells us, yes, there are three seats left and hands us our boarding pass.....we run by asshole and wife looking at them like HA HA!! And board plane.....

Got home about midnight.......very tired, with tons of stuff to find out where to put......

Going To Sin City, Gonna Spend, Spend, Spend!!!

Satan, myself, and Chris are going to Vegas tomorrow!! Satan and Chris are going rock climbing out in red rocks (would like to go to....but....) while I go crazy at the Esthetic Skin and Body Expo!! My fellow students and I are going to go spending crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ok, so now on to the lovey task the Lovely Liz has set out for me to do from her blog:




So here's how it works. Immediately following there is a list of 22 different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with "If I could be..." Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.Once you're done you point this meme at three people you think will be cool with putting in a good two cents on it. Don't forget to add a profession to the end of the list with a link to your meme!
The List
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate...(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember...(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner...(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor... (By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent...(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer...(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist...(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker...(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict (by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star (by Elizabeth)
If I could be an Indian Chief (by Vampyregirl)
If I could be a Friggin Rock Star (by Vampyregirl)

If I could be a Librarian: I would only have books on dark and alluring things. I would do away with the dewy decimal system and have a, Screwy decimal system where nothing made sense (as if dewy really did anyway) and of course, this library would NOT have an Evil Spawn section, in fact there would be no books on how to bring up your EVil Spawn.....and all Evil Spawn would be banned from entering the Library o' Death and Distruction.

If I could be Business Owner: I would hire my current boss, just so I could make HER life a Living hell....heh heh heh.......

If I could be an InnKeeper: My Inn would look like a cross between the Rocky Horror Picture Show house/spaceship and the Munsters house or of course Dracula's Castle. And of course, all my staff would have to look the part as well....I would make sure that all meals were served between 6pm and 3am. Early check in would be 2am with Check Out Being Midnight. And of course only the most beautiful evil creatures would be allowed room at the Inn.

If I could be a Scientist: I would find a cure for Alsheimers. And of course create a pill for everlasting love, happiness, success, beauty, youth....(you get the picture) and Of course after doing so, I would be Rich Rich Rich!!!

If I could be a Bonnie Pirate: I would sail off to find me some Johnny Depp in Pirates!! ;)

Ok, TAG! Your It: SJ, Bees Knees, Wickkett

The Old Grey Beaver Ain't What She Used To Be.....

At school, the facial room and the wax room are in the same room, just a plastic curtain seperates the two rooms.....so today I have a client in the facial room, its quiet in there with Indian flute music coming out of the boom box....my client is in snoozing mode, their are two other students in the waxing room doing two waxes.....and one comes out of the wax room to get more spatulas from the facial room....and of course my eyes wander over to the curtain that she just came out from......and oh....GROSS!!!!!!! I see OLD WOMAN BEAVER SPREAD EAGLE STARING BACK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My fellow student failed to close the curtain all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh god, I was blinded!!!!!!!!! Now I think I HAVE seen the grossest thing EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, this woman was probably mid 60's.......getting a brazilian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now if Granny wants a brazilian for Grandpa, more power to ya toots, but for the love of GOD fellow student, PLEASE CLOSE THE CURTAIN!!!!!!!!!!! And it wasn't just a one time ooops curtain was left open kind of a thing.......students kept coming and going out of that room, and kept leaving the curtain open just enough for the old beav to keep peeping at me......I think someone must of informed the other students there was an old beaver getting hairless, and everyone was in disbelief or something.....and had to come in for a look.....

And this lady didn't seem to care, she was talking away to her friend who was in there (probably getting the same thing, luckily that curtain never opened....eeegads, a double old beaver shot!) too.

I am so going to have nightmares about this.......

Don't You Just Love The Smell Of Death In The Morning......

I survived the sales meeting.. barely. I really need to get out of here as soon as I can find a salon to work in. Can you say micro managing to the extreme. Fuckers. I hate corporate fucks. Everyone is all scared and worried that they are going to lose their jobs. I on the other hand would be happy as fuck if I got my marching papers. But no such luck, they know I am in hell and would rather keep me, then to see me happy. I spit on their corporate haircuts.

7 days left till I am done with school!! YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our snake of 12 years died this morning. He (or she, we never knew) has now gone to serpent heaven..rest in peace o' snakey one.

This morning, I get out of bed to go and take the glorious first pee of the morning. And open our bedroom door to the smell of death. Not extreme death, just hint of death. And Willow (the littlest girl) goes running straight to the snake tank (which she never does). In her doggie way it was like she was saying, "OOOOOOOOOUUUU, I smell dead things!!!" So after I have my morning sit, I return to the bedroom to inform Satan that I think the snake has died. He goes out, and has a look, yeah, he looks pretty dead. ( how can you tell though if a snake is really dead, and not pretending to be dead?)

So, as we are still in sleep mode, we go back to bed for like 30 more minutes (he's dead, its not like he is going to go anywhere)......however dead things don't stay fresh once there dead.......so we unfortuantely fell back to sleep, and was jolted out of bed by the phone ringing, Satan's dad is calling. So I think, right I will go and make some coffe...not remembering death out the door....and I open the door, and MAN! The smell of death, knocks you off your feet! This is now, bad, puke inducing bad. I slam the door shut I can't go out there. So I find two of Satan's scarfs and tie them around my nose and mouth.....ok I am goin in.......I make the fastest coffee I have ever made, and had to keep running back to the bedroom for safety. I opened all the windows that I could to let death out.

So finally Satan gets off the phone with his dad ( I have been outside the whole time after making coffe, as I can't be in the house, it reeks.) so we can dispose of corpse. Satan has gloves on , and has now a scarf around his mouth and nose as well. I have made the preperations, got big garbage bin liner ready for the snake to go in, and now I am outside, as the smell, is vomitious at this point. So I see through the window, Satan taking out limp body of snake and putting it in the bag....then I here puke coughing starting from Satan. He runs through the house with garbage bag flings bag outside on the porch, and runs to the backyard, as I start hearing hurling sounds coming from Satan. Oh my god, I couldn't stop laughing. I am bent over tears running down my face laughing at the site of Satan puking his guts out in the backyard.....he of course through his puke coughs is saying, hey, its not funny......don't laugh...and of course it makes it more funny.......and he in the midst of cough/puking is laughing too.......

So in conclusion of our vomitious morning........we do agree that the actors in CSI need to go and partake in some real death smells to get their acting better when they stumble across dead bloated bodies in boiling water........

I've Been Lying Here So Lonely....I've Been Wishin' You Might Telephone Me.....

Darling Pete.

So it seems that some people have gotten to my blog looking for Pete Burns. Yes, I wish Pete was hanging out at my blog...the old Pete (above) not like scary plastic surgery Pete of the here and now......

Some other freaks have been looking for Paula Abdul's finger nail, and have come by my blog, others are looking for wife's panties.....sorry can't help out either of you for I do not know how Paula and her finger are doing these days, and as Satan likes to steal my panties, I have none to give.

I will not be able to blog over the next couple o' days, as I will be attending a sales meeting in San Francisco. I actually get to stay at a hotel there. Seems weird to stay at a hotel there when I commute there quite frequently. But hey, a free hotel, free meal, how can a girl refuse.

I have 75 hours left of school. Yippeee!!! or 11 days if you perfer it in days. I soooo can't wait...I have started looking at places that I would like to work at. And I totally want to get Chicken's product that she is now selling these days for my place when I am ready to open.

So until, Friday, have a fabulous week my lovelies, wish me well at the corporate event from hell.........

Daylight In The Garden Of Evil

does anyone know what kind of flower this is?


This rather unusual flower has shown up in our garden. We think a bird may have dropped some seeds or something of that nature, as we never planted this before. The other unusual thing about it, is that the location it decided to come up in is in the rose garden.......

However, it is rather cool looking....don't ya think? It still has more teeny tiny flowers to open up yet, so when it is in full bloom it should be quite cool......

It has just stumped Satan and I how it got here.........this has what our Sunday mornings have turned into, trying to figure out the new foliage that has turned up in our garden over the week.....

It's the Final Countdown (yes, it is that dreaded 80's tune)

Its been a non newsworthy week in the Satan household. I wish I could give you some witty news of whats been happening in Beauty School, but thats been rather quiet as well. But I am sure tomorrow something will happen at school, as I am there ALL DAY!

I am trying to put in as many hours as I can so I can make my getting out of beauty school deadline of May 6th. I can do it! So Saturday will be a full 8 hours....so I am sure I will get an eye full of waxing to do tomorrow as the weather has turned nice and warm, and the legs will be bear looking to be waxed, just please no bikini pube clown car again!

However, Satan, myself, and our friend Chris will be going to Las Vegas on the 29th! They are going climbing, I will be in heaven at a skin and body expo for the Saturday and Sunday we are there....rows and rows of skincare and makeup to buy!! So can't wait! And alot of my buds from school are going, so I have plenty o people to hang with while Satan and Chris are climbing....

ok, but first, I best go and take a shower, as I am with the boss today.....back to life...back to reality.......pfft!

The Pissed Kitty Wants To Know....

The lovely and talented Pissed Kitty emailed me these lovely questions to answer, so here is my reply oh pissed one:


1. What, if anything, scares you?
Besides when I was 15 when my father died of a heart attack, and I thought everyone else in my family would drop dead of one as well ( that can make you rather psycho at a rather young age)....I think it would be CLOWNS!!! Evil Evil CLOWNS!!

2. When wearing the color black, what is the best way to rid yourself of dog/animal/people hair? And what sort of makeup goes best with it?I can combine questions if I want. I am above the law.

Yes, Pisser you are above the law, so I will answer both, I do find that those roll-y tape on a stick thing works pretty well to rid yourself of unsightly dog/animal/people hair...(not to mention other peoples pubes you may come across while waxing Eweeeeeuuuuuhhhhhhhh!) And as regards to the makeup, the great thing about wearing black is that everything goes with it...Less hassle in the morning you see....And being that I am slapping makeup on myself at the wee hour of 4:45am every morning, it kinda helps that I will be wearing black that day...Problem solved....

.3. What is the best advice you can give others regarding how to get and stay married...?

Get married because you want to, not because you need to. Get married because you really are in love with that person, not infatuated, or in awe, or because maybe this is the only offer you will ever get.

Advice for staying married: If you got married for the right reasons, it is easy to stay married. I got married to the person I knew I was in love with and who loved me back. I stay married to him because he is my best friend, and I still love him as much if not more than when we first got married. Even though he can be a real pain in the ass sometimes ( and I know I can be a real pain in the ass most of the time!)



4. What is the grossest thing, besides the dreaded Brazilian, that you have to do as an aesthetician? (Did I spell that right...?)

Ok, the dreaded Brazilian wins hands down (or should I say pubes down) but what comes in a close second is squeezing someone else's puss filled zits. I nearly puked (literally) on this one poor guy it was so gross. I had to stop. (However, squeezing someone else's zits is a great appetite suppressant!)

5. While reading the journals of your single friends, do you:
a) shake your head and say "tsk, tsk"
b) laugh and shrug
c) Satan farted!
d) need someone to hold your head
e) wish you had a "special" brownie
f) all of the above
g) other?

It would definitely be "f", all of the above....As shaking head is a nightly occurrence while reading blogs (Liz and her bootie call experience), laughing and shrugging usually is done on the Mangey Cur Diaries, The Pissed Kitty, Liz, Chicken, Jen, Mz. Knees......(you get the picture), Satan farted! Happens anytime, anywhere....So that is a given, needing someone to hold my head usually happens while writing my own blog, wishing for that special brownie definitely would make some of the blogs make more sense...........

Thank you pisser for those fabulous questions, now do I have to pass this along to 5 other people? I will need email addresses if I do........... oh yeah, now read my other blog below people, where were you today........working or something?????

Return To Sender

I received a package from my older sis today......She always sends weird random stuff. She said she was "spring cleaning".....In other words, I found this crap in my house I no longer want....Here you can have it.....She used to do this when Mangey and I lived at home with her. She would do this with birthday and Christmas presents you had given her....And one day she would come across them thinking the length of time had passed that we would not remember that we had purchased her these presents.

"I found this in my closet, do you want it"...
"Uh no older sis, I gave that to you for Christmas"
"no you didn't! I purchased this awhile ago..."
"uh yeah, right, and no, I don't want it....."


So anyway, what did I get in the mail today....Ok, lets see.....Photos that Mangey had taken of Mt. Tam in 1993 ( did she think it was I who had taken these photos?) that she had mailed to our mum, a gross photo of me picking blackberries in Oregon with my mum, a photo of my mum picking blackberries (that made me sad, she looked so cute), a strange photo of Satan on top of a roof with really baggy sweats on, a photo of my mum, me, and Satan looking like one of those Russian dolls, that you open and there is a smaller one inside (don't ask, we are just in height order...), an 8x10 photo of me when I was 19 posing with "jazz" hands ( it was an "official" photo taken when I was in a dance troupe), information on how to give a breast exam...(is this for me or for Satan?), a broken alsheimers pin....(uh, was it broken when she mailed it?) and last but not least a pamphlet called the Spa Enthusiast. I must say the last one did come in handy as I went to the website and found some exciting information on spas.....

Gee, don't you wish you had a strange older sis like me....Oh yeah, Mangey, your package she told me is in the mail to you as well.....

Spring at the Coven

Springtime at the coven


I just love this time of year. All the flowers in our garden are blooming. The wisteria is blooming like mad now. I lurve it.

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary to Satan. We have now been married for 12 years. To celebrate we went to see the Giants play. It was alot of fun.....we had really good seats too, we were between 3rd base and home plate. The best thing, was that our seats were shaded! That is real important to a vampyre you see....as I really didn't feel like sizziling in front of the masses.

In other news, I only have 17 days left of school! Yippeee!!! 102 hours to go and I am done, no more getting up at 4:30 in the morning anymore...so can't wait for that......and that means I can quit my job soon, and begin my whole new life.......oh what fun......yes, there is definitely something about spring!

What Muppet Are You?

You are Sweetums.A hard exterior covers up the soft sweet center of
your soul. And you love to eat humans.
SPECIAL TALENTS:Really big dance steps.FAVORITE MOVIE:"Big"
QUOTE:"Wait for me!"
LAST BOOK READ:"Taming Your Outer Beast"
NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:Robin the Frog

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by

Ghosts in the Machine

This one is for the Knees:


My mother had a heart attack one October that brought my whole family together in Suckto (sacramento, for those of you who don't know how sucky it truly is). Mangey Cur, Rantboy and myself were staying at my mums house which was directly across the street from older sisters house. We were there to cover the night shift, making sure my mum was ok in the evenings and stuff.

So, after we put mum and grandmother to bed, we are sitting out in the family room watching the tv. We knew that the old owner and his wife both died in the house, and from what we knew of them they were pretty nice old people. But my oldest sister had said that mum kept talking about the ladys that hung out with her and stuff, and that she sometimes would feel cold in certain spots of the house, and at other times my sister heard voices in different rooms, and one of the times she had seen "something" throwing nick nacks off of my mums shelfs without anyone around......Anyway, so Mangey is walking from the kitchen into the living room and walking toward me and rantboy in the family room. Rantboy is sitting with his back to Mangey in my mums chair, while I am facing Rantboy on the couch. I can see Mangey approaching from the corner of my left eye. And I also see something that I can only describe as when the Predator (if any of you have seen the Predator movies) in his cloaked state where he looks like a vapor, moving fast behind Mangey. As she passes by me, I can see this "thing" moving faster, however this thing runs into me and passes into my left side, goes through me, and exists me on my right hand side, then turns the corner and runs back into the kitchen. Rantboy says, ok there is some weird shit going on in this house, did you see that go into the kitchen.....

At this time, my whole left side feels like I have been struck by lightening. I say to Rantboy and Mangey, uh yeah, what ever that was, just chased Mangey through the living room, and ran into me.......

Mangey is then rather bummed that she missed the whole thing, although what ever "it" was, was chasing after her......

Anyway, I tell Mangey about how weird my left side is feeling at the moment, and that my left wrist feels like I have carple tunnel, and can she help me, being that she is a massage therapist and all ( at the time Mangey was still in Massage School) and being she needed to practice her shiatsu massage technique, could she do it on me...so she says no problem...well what went on for about an hour after that was like she was performing an exorcism on me.......I was uncontrolably rolling around on the floor and flipping like a fish...I kid you not...it was the oddest thing....not to mention freaky.....so after about an hour my flipping fish manuevers started to slowly stop. But what was weird about it, I had no idea I was flipping as much as I was until I opened my eyes up and Mangey and Rantboy telling me that whatever had run into me had left some serious ju ju in me as that was the freakiest shiatsu massage Mangey had ever done.

Now like I said in my last post, that was the only time I have felt this way, until this woman enrolled in my school, she has some very strange mo jo(magic) or ju ju in her, as on Saturday she came in for a couple of hours. Well, she comes in and sits behind me, and I am thinking, ok, its all in your mind.....don't think about it...but about 15 minutes goes by, and I suddenly start getting this creeping major back ache pain...its so bad, that I have to stand up and try and work it out....everyone in the room are like, are you ok, you don't look to good, I am all, well my back is seriously gone into a spasm, I think I will sit over here. I moved over to the other side of the room away from her, and wouldn't ya know it within about 5 minutes of being away from her, the spasm went away......however my left hand that was hit by the ghost that chased Mangey has been hurting like crazy ever since.....it feels like I have carple tunnel again.....Mangey, are you available for another shiatsu exorcism anytime soon??

Seeing Things

I have noticed a pattern about myself. I have noticed it for awhile, but again this month, it has really been apparent. What am I talking about....Well my clairvoyance, seems to be at its peak during pms. I know that I am from a family of "see-ers", as grandmother used to channel and do readings all the time. Anyway, in the past week, the following has occurred:

1. Had a really bazaar dream about my coworker the other night, the night before she went to the doctor for her checkup. In the dream I saw her get shot through the heart (not by Bon Jovi mind you) . I wasn't there in the dream, I just saw her get shot. It was rather upsetting as you can imagine. I even woke up from this dream in gasps and was on the verge of tears.

So as you can imagine, I called coworker the next day, but she didn't return my call. I called her again the next day, still no answer. I finally spoke with her on Monday, and she said everything was fine. So I am thinking, ok, its just a freaky dream.....Then on Tuesday, I spoke with her again. She said that during her checkup she had an e.k.g. done....Just routine, the doc says....But the he called her on Tuesday to tell her it looks like she has had a heart attack......Ok, now my dream makes sense.....

2. My fellow student at school is coming in and out of the class room having a frantic look round, she had walked in and put her book bag down. Comes in and out again, relooking through book bag......" What are you looking for" I say to her......."My glasses, I just waxed this woman, and I put my glasses down...Now I can't find them".........So I look at her book bag, and say to her, " they are in there" pointing to her makeup bag that is sitting in her book bag. " but I didn't put them in there, I didn't bring that in there" she says. "humor me please, they are in there." "ok, she says, but you look, because I know they aren't in there." "ok," I say...And proceed to unzip makeup bag.....And there at the bottom are her glasses. "Are these them?" I ask....She looks at me quite oddly...."How did you know?" "don't ask......" I tell her.

3. Supposed to meet up with boss today. It is my day to have her ride along with me. I usually don't go to school on these days, as the day is so long and tiring I can't do both. But this morning, I wake up at usual going to school time, and get ready for school, knowing I have to be with boss today. I get to school and keep my phone out. Usually I put it away in my bag, and check messages at the break. I knew I would be meeting up with boss at 11am at a designated account....But still know that I need to keep my phone out. I know she will be calling me to cancel. I just know it. Even though we confirmed everything last night. I know that phone is going to ring. And sure enough at the time I thought, the phone rings, its her, no she won't be meeting with me today as she had something come up she needs to attend to.

Now if only I could get a feeling like I was going to win the lottery.....

And last but not least, there are two new students that started class about two weeks ago. I noticed when I am around this one student, I feel myself getting really really angry. So I have to go in another room away from her, and sure enough, feeling goes away. Now I don't know her, haven't spoken with her much, and she doesn't seem to be strange in anyway. But I have tested this a few times, I have found myself getting that angry feeling, I turn around, and low and behold she has walked in the room. The other day we were practicing our facials, and she came over and asked me a question, when she did, I felt like I was going to punch her. It was the oddest feeling. And then the other day when she came over and tapped me on the shoulder to ask me something again, and the energy that I felt zap my back was bazaar. The only other time I have felt that was when mangey was being chased by a ghost and the ghost ran into me as Mangey walked by me. So there is something definitely strange with that chick's mojo.....

What Do You Do With A Handful of Pubes?

Yesterday at school I had the woman I had to give nearly a full body wax in again. Last time she wasn't too hairy....this time...................................sasquatch had entered the building.

And it was full leg, stomach, bikini, underarm...............

So I had one of my fellow students help me out otherwise, I think I would still be there ripping wax off this lady. Now, this lady is rather nice, just real quite and shy I think. But how shy can you be when you want a bikini wax.......

So me and fellow student are waxing away, and then we come to the bikini area.....pubes for days are coming out of underwear..................

We look at each other, ok, we can get through this.....

We start waxing, and more stray pubes keep coming out of undies....fuck man....is it like the clown car of pubes that just keep coming out of undies or what....so fellow student says, we need to get the scissors.......

So she gives me the scissors....ok, but you are gonna have to hold the pubes while I cut.......

Once we started cutting, the look on fellow student's face was hilarious, she is standing there holding a handful of pubes. I don't know how I controlled the laughter.....she then excuses herself, and I am thinking, man she didn't leave me to finish here by myself did she......

She comes back, ready for round two...we both have gloves on, but the image of her holding someone elses pubes in her hand with this look on her face that she can't believe what she is doing was priceless.

I still can't stop laughing about this yet, as I still chuckle now as I write this.

Just another day in the life of a Beauty School Student.....

Beware of the Low Carb Diet......

Now I must warn all of you this is pretty gross......I am ashamed to admit I had to do this.....however, Liz will probably really enjoy this:


Monday morning, I go and have my morning sit on the toilet after Satan has left for work. No big deal, just the usual morning movements happening......or so I thought.

As I get up to flush, I scream in horror to find that I haven't just done the morning terds, oh no, Mount Poopulous has erupted out of my ass! So I go to flush...nothing happens....flush again, nothing happens, flush, and flush and flush...by the tenth time, still nothing! The water has gone down each time, but Mt. Poopulous doesn't budge.....

By this time, I am running late for work.....I am starting to sweat, what the fuck am I going to do.....then my youngest dog comes in, wagging her tail, she seems to be saying with her doggie look, "oooh Pooop!!!"

However, she does give me an idea.....I go out to the kitchen and get a pooper scooper dog bag....and pooper scoop my own poop out of the toilet....how humiliating....

And now what the fuck do I do with this...and wholly shit (no pun intended) its heavy..its like 2 1/2 pounds!! So I double bag it (that would be too gross and a scene from Train Spotting comes to mind with sheets) as not to have exploding shits out of bag.....

Oh god, wheres the garbage bin?? Oh fuck, it is up the driveway, for it is garbage day...hmm,, has the garbage man been already??

So I sit poop bag outside while I finish getting ready for work.....

Now I am finished getting ready and I head outside, hmmm, this poop bag isn't coming in the car with me, but i have to drive up the driveway to the garbage...so poop bag gets to ride on the top of my car down the driveway.....as I approach the garbage can I look in my rearview mirror to see the poop bag starting to slide off of the back of the car! NOOOOOOO!

So I jump out in the nick of time to catch the bag, and chuck Mt. Poopulous in the garbage....poor garbage man, sorry to have a vile bag of poo to greet you as you open up the garbage today.........

Liz and Vampys Loaded Brownie Experience...Kinda like the Jimmy Hendrix Experience...................

Go Ahead....oh huhhh huhhh.,...I thought liz told me to write that..................at the moment...we both took some loaded brownies.....and its amazing I can type really correctly.......or even form sentences looking like a character from George Lucas' Star Wars....liz wanted to know why I put george lucas' name before Star Wars, and I was just showing off my clarity. Yay.

Liz: wow, fancy words...your not going to make me recite this again are you?
me: huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhui
liz: dude their not going to know that we went over the whole thing, their not going to get that dude, its gonna sound all lame and psycho...yes, there ya go.. we have to think of a title.
me: yeah. ooh look, i spelled that right.
us: huhuhuhuh huhuhuh.....
liz: no because, we can kind of cut and paste cut and paste cut and paste....


Me: anything else we want to say?
liz: no.............
Me: ok, how we gonna end it?
Liz: just say that..
me: (****staring**********)
liz: dude, youre using the keyboard like a weejee board...
me: hehehehe
Liz: thats not how you spell wee jee....
me: its good enough...
Liz: its like weeeeeehhhhggjgjeeeeee.......we can think of a definitiion for that spelling of weejee dude...we should.
me: ok, what s the definitiion:?
Liz: younosay
Me; thats the definition?
Liz: no its not yoko ono...
Me: i didn't say yoko ono
liz; i know but it looks like it (pointng to computer,,.,,then laughs puts down head)....
Me; but I didn't ....
Liz: but ya did right there
Me; yeah what did you just say....
Liz: I said dude, lets play speed, do you have any cards?
Me: oh...I thought you just said somehting in french..
Liz: do i have a stutter or what?
Me; hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Like Thumbs They Were........

So I had to teach how to do two different types of masks today at one of my accounts. There were models. And when I get there one model I will be putting the mask on is claustophobic, and the mask has to cover her entire face, eyes, nose and mouth....so she said she wanted to do this, it was her fear factor moment.....she actually ended up really enjoying the mask and was really happy that she got to be the model...

ok, next model, next mask........


It was a rubberizing mask with firming benefits to it....ok, model says she wants her boobs done.....ok.........so this afternoon was spent spreading a mask over some very large breasteses. The mask hardens and you have to put your hands on either side of the area that you have spread the mask (usually this is either side of the face, but for this, it was either side of the breasteses) and wiggle back and forth so the mask lets go of its suction......

Then after this you place warm towels over the area where the mask was and wipe off the excess....and of course the mask decided to stick to her tits.........have you ever had to wipe off stuck on mask to tits?? Its not as easy as you think.....

When I got home I tell Satan, ahhh, I bet you wish you were me today..

Satan: why?
Me: I had to mask someones breasts today.
Satan: (stares at me...)
Me: And they were quite large as well...
Satan: You Suck.......

Eeewwwee That Smell...Can't You Smell That Smell....

I was up in Eureka today seeing one of my accounts. How come the whole town smells like piss? No wonder people walk around with a pissed off look on their faces up there, I would too if I had to smell that all day. It seriously smelled like driving through the largest public toilet in the world. I think the stench is coming from the bay. Is that where their sewage goes to? Eeeuuwww!!!

At least it was a nice day to drive through the redwoods. There was no one on the road at all so it was very peaceful. Only the piss city tore me out of my peaceful bliss.

In other news, it was so windy last night! Wholly shit! I thought that there was a tornadeo coming through the house. Willow was growling like something was out on the back deck, as you could here all this shit being blown all over the place. Satan is blistfully sleeping next to me, nothing can wake this man! So I get up and peer out the blinds to see what is going on out there and to my horror I see all the seeds I had planted just that day being blown all over the place...cucumber seeds, sunflowers, and gords being tossed from one end of the deck to the other! So here I am at 2:30 in the morning chasing these airborn seeds all over the deck......and Satan just keeps on sleeping on and on and on....whats that saying about waking the dead? I think the dead would be awake long before Satan decides to wake up!

What Messed Up Barbie Are You?

Yes, my friends, it has been a slow week......






You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by

Down In The Dirt............

Not much to report about.....this weekend was great as the sun was out and it was nearly 80 degrees up here! Satan and I went to a garden place on Sunday and bought two really cool trees for our backyard! One is called a weeping cherry tree. It should be way cool when full grown. We planted it so it will hang over the pond.

Also bought some seeds for my veggie garden. So was out pulling weeds and seeding my veggie garden.

So it was a very nature like weekend we had. There is no drama when you are out with nature. The only drama I had was that the hummingbird feeders were empty for a couple of days, so I was in a panic thinking my hummingbirds had gone. But no, once feeders were back up and running, the little dudes were back!

Today we are having a huge pile o' dirt being delivered. So once that is delivered think I will say goodbye to my office day and head out back and become one with the dirt...............

Come Sail Away With Me.....................

Twenty years from now you'll be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones that you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

__________Mark Twain___________

As I was sitting in class to day looking through a spa magazine, I came across an article that started off with the quote above. I just thought it was pretty interesting and very true. So I better start making the next 20 years worthwhile.

This week has been pretty uneventful, hence my lack of blogging, and the only thing that has been of irritation has been work. I think I was meant to see that quote today. So just in case someone else out there needed it, I thought I would pass it along............................

Stealing Is As Stealing Does

Stolen from Jen who stole from chicken who stole from someone else...you get the picture


I AM: pissed off at the moment.
I HAVE: Issues!
I WISH: I would win the lottery!
I HATE: My Job ( I actually hate it more than children at the moment,: and friends thats a lot!)
I FEAR: staying at this job forever!
I HEAR:Satan watching wrestling on tv....and my dog chewing on a chew stick.
I WONDER: Why I always get people pissing me off right on que during pms week!
I REGRET: not starting school sooner
I LOVE: Satan, my dogs, my sistas, my home, sleeping, SHOES!!
I ALWAYS: wear black. Gee thats a shocker..
I AM NOT: A helpless female!
I DANCE: all the time, even when I don't realize I am doing it (just ask Mangey or Rantboy, or Satan!)
I SING: very badly, but loudly in my car, in the house, and annoy people all the time by it!
I CRY:in private, as I absolutely hate crying, and reserve it for those that are closest to me!

DO YOU...
KEEP A DIARY: Yes, both here on the blog, and in a book.
LIKE TO COOK: Yes
HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: WEll, It wouldn't be a secret then would it!
HAVE A CRUSH: Yes, but they are always with rock stars...
WANT TO GET MARRIED: Uh, I already am....
GET MOTION SICKNESS: Yes, in cars going to fast around bends.
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: I used to be, now I am just a freak!


FAVORITES:
NUMBER: 666
COLOR: black and if I must,,,,purple
DAY: The day I graduate school and quit my fuckin job!
MONTH: April
SONG: Disposable Teens/ Marilyn Manson
SEASON: Spring and Fall
DRINK: Coffee

Mom Always Said, Don't Play Ball In The House.....

I think I have a theme running this week. When did I turn into my mother? Or is it that I have been my mother for awhile, and I only just realized it now that I am back at school with girls who are between the ages of 17-22....and I shudder to say....I am old enough to be their mothers!!

Today these girls are just fucking annoying. Talking really loud about nothing....Nothing!! For gods sake, shut the fuck up!! Do you talk just to hear yourself?????? Or do you talk so it shuts out the sound of air that rushes between your ears??? (Is that the ocean I can hear, when I put my ear up to your head.....)

And then, they look at you like they are so worldly wise, have seen it all, done it all....oh yeah...your 17, I remember feeling like that too.

They think I am a raving lunatic. They still really dont' have a concept of what PMS really is!!! Maybe I am acting this way you young whipper snappers because my raging PMS hormones are older than yours!!

Can I just tell you the other reason I don't want children?? They grow up to be teenagers!! Fuck! I thought the crying, screaming, yelling, trying to get attention, phase was for the early childhood years, now I am seeing it continues on into the late teens and beyond!!!! Where is my hermit cave to go and crawl into??


Oh yeah, and this one says today.....I used to be so fat...the other one says...really, what is the heaviest you've ever been? 152....! She is now probably 115, if that...

Wait till you get to be 37 sweetness, and 152 is your goal weight........

You Know You Are Old When......

We practiced at school today for the state board test. We did the practical portion, on those friggin doll heads, but I think as I have been around them for nearly 5 months now, me and the doll heads have made peace.

Anyway, the cute 17 year old girl next to me realized I am old and senile. I didn't realize I was talking to my doll head.......yeah, it was early in the morning, I wasn't like having a full on conversation with the dh mind you, just more like talking to myself (yeah that is bad enough) in turn talking to the dh, I think I was walking myself through the steps that we have to do for state board, and I tend to be a little loud.....me to the 17 year old: oops, you mean that wasn't in my head?

Next, we break for lunch, and I have to go to work, and in the afternoon they were going to go over false eyelashes and makeup....so I say to no one in particular (being old and senile, I tend to just ramble to anyone who maybe eavesdropping on my own conversation to myself and doll head), damn, as usual, I will miss the whole make up thing.....so 17 year old says, will your husband let you practice makeup on him, or will he absolutely refuse? I say to her, uh, no he won't mind......being a youth in the 80's he was way into glam rock.....so he used to do his own makeup.....so she says, "oh , I just love that old 80's punk rock stuff...." ok, not really punk rock, but ok.....more like Poison....... And she just stares at me, Poison? I never have heard of Poison....... ok.......I am so old....and yeah, you could be my daughter, now come to think of it.....great.....ok, well, this old senile woman who talks to doll heads is going to work now......

I Got The Ways and Means To New Orleans..

Got stuck in a down pour today with out rain coat or umbrella. By the time I got to my car, my pants felt like I had pissed all over myself.....oh what fun....then the thunder and lightening came....luckily I missed the hail that were reportedly coming down too....

So what is a girl to do but go Makeup shopping at Sephora to make the time pass while it is storming outside.....lets see, got some new mascara, a new spring eyeshadow pallet, some eyeshadow applicators (that is for school), and a new candle that smells like cut grass....not grass as in freshly cut ganja, but cut grass as in lawn grass...............

Liz and I are planning our October trip to New Orleans......sounds like it will be a hoot! Satan will be coming with us, we are still trying to get Mangey and Rant boy on board with us. Liz has found a cool hotel to stay at in the french quarter...and as we will be there on Halloween, we shall be going to the Vampyre ball, which I soo can't wait for!! And then on Liz' birthday we will go on the swamp tour that she so wants to go on! I must start saving money now, as I know Satan and I will be buying so many new items for around the house!! Oh and for the Halloween bash, Liz is going to be Satan and I's victim!! Oh what fun! She wants to be a princess, and I said only if you can be our victim will we allow you to be a princess. So I don't know if she is planning on being a disney princess or some other sort of princess, I only know she will have to look dead to be with us, and also have strategic vampyre bites on her...She also wants to be chained to Satan and I.....oh dear Liz, this so can be arranged!!!

The Wax, the Condom, Dead Squished Kermit, and Jesus

Today at school we learned how to do parrafin wax facials and also hand treatments. It is really amazing how smooth your hand feels after the wax comes off. It was kinda creepy though as when you dip your hand in the wax it looks like a manniquen hand coming out of the wax. Also rolling it off the hand was odd. It was like pulling off a condom.

And of course Jen had to email me and others that it is national condom month. (was it month or was it day?) So happy condom month or day or week! So Jen if you come to get your facial on Saturday, I could give you a condom (er Parrafin) hand wax!

What other exciting things do I have to tell you all? Hmmm,,, let see, Willow decided to roll in a dead frog at 5:15 am this morning. I was just coming back from my walk in the darkness with my girls, let them off the leash, turn off my flash light as I walk down the driveway, and what do I hear......the sound of scuffing along the driveway...what the fuck is that noise.....turn back on flash light to see Willow with butt in the air face turned down sideways on ground just having a good ol' roll....so trying to sound tough whispering at a dog to get off of the frog isn't exactly doing the trick, so running at her made her stop..at first I didn't know what she had rolled in...only to see squished pancaked frog lying in driveway....hmmm, did we run over the frog last night on the way in, or is Willow that strong with her rollling that she flattened the poor frog....oh yeah, and dead squished frog smell on a dog at that hour of the morning is not the most pleasant. So she was marched into the house and squirted with lavender shower gel and a wet towel....at least the lavender will mask the smell of dead kermit.......

Oh yeah, and it seems that Jesus came to the door while we were out today and left a calling card trying to get us to call for a free tape about him....luckily the hounds of hell were protecting the coven while we were out....however, Satan is off tomorrow, so he is hoping Jesus and his followers will return for a follow up....

Curses!!

I tried writing about this topic the other day, but it just wouldn't come out right...so in speaking with Mangey, she said to try it again.....so here it goes....

In my 20's I definitely used my superpowers for evil not good. What superpower am I talking about?? Well, if you have been keeping up with Mangey and I you know we come from a lineage of witches and wizards. And in my 20's I liked to abuse my powers of releasing evil on select individuals that I believe had done me wrong.....nowadays kids, I know this is not good, as Karma is always always at work, and I have been on the receiving end a number of times of my own bad Karma (or mojo if you prefer). I haven't released real evil since turning 30, so 7 years without seriously releasing evil is a record for me.....

So here is a selection of curses that I released on my intended victims that did the trick, only to find out, it came back to me as well:

Curse One: Old boyfriend. Young Lust is a deadly thing, especially when someone lets me go. I was young, in lust and couldn't believe I had just been dumped. So Curses to you old boyfriend....I cursed that he would never get the one thing he loved and longed for....to be in famous rock band and go down in history as a guitar god.........and so my cursed worked....his band is a has been 80's band who will be forever and ever be lived out on VH1 Classics Metal Mania....which periodically their one video gets played on there....which Satan and I still have a good laugh at...and oh yeah, his guitar god vision, the last I heard he was still teaching guitar lessons to zitty teenage boys at the local guitar store........

Curse Two: Old Manager. I was working for a cosmetic company that shall remain nameless...but my favorite manager at the time left and what we got instead was a blond fembot. She worked out more on her body that she did work at work. And I hated her. She hated me too, and tried to make my life a living hell....so Curses to you Fembot Manager! May you become fat and ugly and hate your job.......and Shazam! It happened....most amusing to see her waddle around the cosmetic counter bursting out of her used to be hot clothes!!

Curse Three: Psycho-Coworker. After leaving above mentioned cosmetic company, I was working for another cosmetic company that had a position available in upper management. Everyone that I had spoken with had said, I was a shoe in for the job (even the chick that left the position, told me, that I was perfect for the job, and she had left an outstanding recommendation for me!).....well evil psycho coworker who I used to work with in above mentioned company, decided to go behind my back and ass kiss her way into the position...so Curses to you Psycho Coworker- may you fail misserably at this new job, and when you are forced to leave everyone will hate you for the lousy job you did!!!.......and yes, this happened too! Last I heard she was a lonely department manager at one of the worst cosmetic departments around.....and no one still likes her!!!

Curse Four: Butthead. This was Mangeys old boyfriend. How I hated this guy. And how he hated me. Without going into too much detail (as not to bring up bad memories for Mangey) I cursed him nearly every day that he was with Mangey.....the main Curses! I gave him was that he would wander the earth aimlessly from place to place, never having any friends to help him out, no one to turn to when he was down, and that when he would finally reach hell, he would rot there for all of eternity! Well, as Mangey will agree, he hasn't been seen or heard from since 93, I think it was, so hopefully he is wandering the earth, or better yet rotting in hell......

However, like I said all these curses did come with my own bad Karma coming back to me. So I no longer curse people, if they do me wrong, or another wrong, I just have faith, that there own Karma will come back to them. So as I leave you today, I will leave you with the Wiccan law that I have been practicing since becoming 30:

Bide the Wiccan Law ye must, In perfect Love, In perfect Trust.
Eight Words the Wiccan Rede fulfill:
An ye harm none, do as ye will
And ever mind the Rule of Three:
What ye send out, comes back to Thee.
Follow this with mind and heart,
and merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Ka Boom Ka Boom

VaLeNtInEs DaY 2005

Lets see.......when I was single I hated Valentines Day. All those people in love made me want to Vomit. Now that I have been married for nearly 12 years, Valentines day is just another day. No I am not being evil, (or maybe I am) I just realize, that you don't really need to get someone something on this day if you show your love to them throughout the year. I do realize that not everyone does this, and for them they need this day. And hallmark definitely needs this day to make their sales quota.

So for this valentines day what is on the agenda.....well, Satan is sick, (not as in your sick dude, but in really sick, coughing, sneezing, flem everywhere...you get the picture) so not the love fest you would normally want on this Vday, however, this day will be spent making some chicken soup for the dear boy, and making sure he gets rid of his cold, making sure he drinks plenty of liquids, making sure he is getting his rest and sleeping, sounds like I have turned into his mother (but oh yeah, that is part of being a wife isn't it??)

So to all of you out there who are looking for your true love, don't fret this day, as true love is out there, you don't need this day to find it. True love weathers the storms, has its ups and downs, is there in the really good times as well as the worst of times. You know it in your heart everyday that it is there. It is in the small stuff of everyday life that you see true love working.

So to my VaLeNtInE on Valentines Day, Here is a song lyric I stole from Mr. M. Manson for you on this day:

Nothing in this world is for real
Except you are for me, and
I am so yours.....

Kaboom Kaboom

Desert Island Discs

As I was watching Lost last night somethings bug me about that show....how come no one gets their clothes dirty or ripped?? And the chicks still have nicely groomed eyebrows??? Yeah, they have some of their stuff from the crash, but to have their clothes nice and pressed looking, I just don't believe...................................

Anyway, while watching the show, the fat dude walked by with his walkman on, and it got me to thinking what I would want to be listening to if I were stranded on a desert island with a bunch of people I couldn't stand......I would probably be the female version of the dude that steals things and people don't like..................anyway here is a list of a few tunes I would want with me if I were there in my nice pressed clothes and my freshly waxed eyebrows:

1. Lest We Forget - Marilyn Manson, I would have to have my dear Marilyn on the island with me, and Lest We Forget has a nice cross section of all his cds. And who else can I be evil with, if I don't have Mr. Manson?

2. Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me - The Cure, I would have to have some music to be depressed with, and no one does depression quite like Robert Smith.

3. To Steps From the Move - Hanoi Rocks. What can I say, me lurves me some Michael Monroe, and you need to be reminded of a hot boy while being on this god forsaken island with these assholes!

4.Ladies and Gentlemen, the Best of George Michael- George Michael.....what can I say, a girl needs to dance doesn't she??

5.Wild Heart- Stevie Nicks - gots to have me some Stevie tunes when feelin a little witchy...

6.Vision Thing - Sisters of Mercy - you have to have a goth club somewhere on this island....

7. The Downward Spiral- Nine Inch Nails - like I said, you got to have a goth club somewhere on this island...

8. Nude - Dead or Alive.....I can't survive without my sweetie Peetie Burns!! Just need to have his old face back and we are in business! And anyway, we can't have George here by himself without someone can we??

9.Too Fast For Love - Motley Crue......hey you know there is bound to be a moment when you were wishing it was 1983 again.............

10.Brand New Day - Sting - just really like this album, er, I mean cd....

11. Hits - Joni Mitchell - again, just really like this album, er, cd...and there is bound to be some mellow down time somewhere on the island.....

12. The Crow Soundtrack - it can't rain all the time......

13. Pandoras Box - Aerosmith - has all those classic Aerosmith tunes you will ever need

14. Faster Pussycat - Faster Pussycat - what can I say my glam days will be coming back to me on the island as I think about the club days with Mangey.....

15.Bloodletting - Concrete Blonde - you were a vampire and baby I'm the walking dead....

16. It's A Kinda Magic - Queen - there will be a day on this island when I feel like singing at the top of my lungs pretending I can sing like Freddie....

17.Hellbilly Deluxe - Rob Zombie - with songs like: Spookshow baby, Living Dead Girl, and How to Make A Monster.....what other cd do think I should have?

18.Dead Letters -The Rasmus - when I am feeling vacation sick for England.....thats when I first heard them.

19. Youth Gone Wild - Skid Row- what can I say another hot blond man with some serious pipes, and when I need my 80's flash back again...or was this the early 90's.....those drunken days are rather hazy.....

20. AntiChrist Superstar - Marilyn Manson - Had to do a full circle didn't I??

now don't tell me I forgot to pack my life long battery supply for my walkman.........

Smells Like Children

as Pisser wanted to hear the story, I shudder as I write this just thinking about what happened yesterday:


Yesterday was my one and only day off, so it was spent lounging around in the morning, hanging out with Liz, starting my seedlings for this coming years veggie garden, taking many naps on the couch, while Satan watched the super bowl.......

So I am sitting on the couch next to Satan, and we start talking about waxing, and that he will actually let me wax his eyebrows (not girl like, just clean up the evil brows) so I am all excited as I have been asking for months now if I could practice on him, so finally the day is here!!! I get out my wax pot, and am getting everything ready.....when there is a knock at the door.............

It is about 5:00pm, and I am thinking, who the fuck is at our front door, seen as how nobody comes down our driveway (you can't see our house from the street), so I look through the window, to see our neighbors standing there are smiling with a cooler full o' beer, and EVIL GIRL SPAWN with toys!!!!!! Oh god, there is nowhere to hide, Satan has opened the door and evil girl spawn is beginning to run amuck in my house!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I am thinking in my head, oh Satan, you are soooo dead when they leave, as you conveniently forgot to tell me you had invited them over!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I am in my grubby laundry day sweats and I haven't washed my hair, no makeup (gee I am the epitome of sexy at that moment) and I am thinking I haven't even been grocery shopping today, so there is nothing to feed these people......

Anyway, they sit down, and I think ok, I could be totally evil, and go in my office and close the door, but that wouldn't be too good, as we do have our neighbors look after our girls when we are on vacation, so I better be nice vampy...... so I go and sit by Satan on the couch, and give him the evil eye as I walk by to sit down....he of course is oblivious to my evil glare as he is chatting with dude neighbor.....so chick neighbor is trying to corral evil girl spawn as she is running around picking up all the skulls that are at evil girl spawn height. She then tries to pick up the candles that are at evil girl spawn height (no they weren't lit, damn!)

And now, what is this, Satan and dude neighbor decide to go out on our back deck and have a smoke, leaving me to make small talk (which I do not do, because I hate it, and I am not good at it either) with chick neighbor and evil girl spawn. So we try and chat about my freakish work and school hours, but most of the time is spent watching chick neighbor run up and down my house after evil girl spawn......(what the fuck Satan, don't leave me here in the house with this!!)

So they finally come back inside, and after about an hour they decide that evil girl spawn is too much and they should be going....(uh, yeah).....

As you can imagine, after they left, I said to Satan:
Me:, what the fuck???? Do you think you could tell me next time you invite people over!!!!! Satan: But I did tell you........
Me: When??? I think I would have remembered if you told me that there would be an evil spawn in my house!!
Satan: Oh, yeah, hmmmm, well I thought I told you.........
Me: You will pay Satan, you will pay...
Satan: (smiles an evil grin and laughs)


Oh by the way Satan, remember the waxing......yeah, well, I didn't forget......and the wax is nice and ready now.....muhahahahahahhahahhaah!!!!!!!!!

*****coven photos have been updated******

Show Us Your Tits!!!

Liz came up for the weekend, she came to my school on Saturday and got her monthly facial (ok, jen you are over due....) and then we spent the evening with loaded brownies and watching Shawn of the Dead.

This morning got up and fed the birds, Liz was amazed at how many birds we have in our yard. Wanted to know what the pointy head birds were. This was our conversation:

Liz: What are those birds?

Vampy: They are tits.
Liz:They're what?

Vampy:They're tits. Tit mice.
Liz:Are they mice or are they birds?

Vampy: They are birds but there name is Tit mouse. But there are also grey tits, and blue tits, bush tits, there is even a great tit.

Liz: (stares in amazement at the tit feeding frenzy going on at the bird table.....)



So as blogger commenting area has sucked for a while, I now have halo scan on my blog!! I have hidden all my past comments (thanks jen for showing me how!) so as not to confuse you or I for that matter on where to comment if you feel like commenting.....so hopefully it will make life easier here at the Coven when needing to comment! (oh, and Mangey, the comments for this post are under the dotted line....)

Hmm, now for some real Sunday excitement....time to pay some bills........

To Halo Scan, or Not To Halo Scan...

ok, just installed halo scan, but it looks like I have two places to comment now....so its up to you, to halo scan or not to halo scan.....what will you do????

Imbolg Eve

Imbolg Eve


In Celtic times, the day was considered to begin at dusk the preceding night, so all major celebrations would commence the night before the day of the festival, much as New Year festivities start on its eve.

Also called Imbolc, Oimelc and Candlemas, this is the festival of Bride or Bridget. It celebrates the Goddess's transformation from Crone to Maiden and heralds the coming Spring and the change from dark to light. One of the ways to celebrate this is with a Circle of lights.

Everyone gathers in a Circle, lit only by a single black candle; the wick should be trimmed to give the smallest of flames. Each person has an unlit white candle. When everyone is ready someone says, "this is the festival of Imbolg and the first signs of returning life tell us that Spring is on its way. Let us light the path for the new season and say farewell to the old. Blessed Be" They light their white candle from the black one, state something they wish for in the coming season, and extinguish the black candle. Going around the group Deosil, each person states their own hopes and lights their candle from that of the person next to them. When all the candles are lit, everyone says together, "We welcome the Goddess as Maiden. We welcome the signs of new life. We welcome the coming Spring. Blessed Be." The candles can be placed somewhere safe to burn whilst everone enjoys a feast or, if this not a family celebration, they may be extinguished and taken home to bring Spring into everyone's home.

_____The Real Witches Year___
by Kate West


to all my witches and wizards out there, make sure you light your candles tonight!! And make sure to take down any and all left over Yule Greenery in your house, or it may be bad luck for the coming year!!