Almond Joy's Got Nuts, These Puppies Don't.....

Oh yes, the joys of being nutered. The boys had their bits taken away today. They were so bummed to have to go to the vet this morning. However, this evening they are running around and beating each other up like nothing happened to them this morning.

Interesting thing about modern technology. They don't use good old fashion stitches anymore. Oh no, the boys had their nut sacks sealed with glue. Yes glue. So the vet told me no swimming or taking baths for them for a week. Poor guys and they so enjoy their daily shower, shit, and shave.

I must say that it was chop yer bits of Wednesday today, as when I dropped them off at the vet, there was like 10 plus dogs there for the same thing. Was it an assembly line, one vet makes the incision, next vet takes out the bits, and the third vet is there with the glue.......just hope they don't have convayer belt problems like Lucy and Ethel had!!!!!!!

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Don't Waste your $8.00

We ( Satan and his parental Units) went on Saturday to see "old faithful" at the Geysers.......

Uh, yeah. Anyone coming to California, can skip this big rip off if you are anywhere near Calistoga. They also claim to have on site the infamous "fainting goats"......no fainting, just alot of shitting and eating, and staring at the idiots trying to scare them into fainting.....

Oh and there were Lamas. Like two miles away in a paddock that no one could get to. So if you didn't bring binoculars to look for the Lamas, you are out of your Lama luck.

Old faithful is supposed to erupt every 15 - 25 minutes. Which it did. With some gurgaling from below, some steam rising from the casual rocks placed over the hole....and then, there she blows.....ok, thats nice.....now what.............

So I told Satan, we will need to set up our own "old faithful" out the back of our house. I will get Satan to stand behind some rocks with a garden hose. Have him fart a few times behind the rocks to shock and awe the spectators, see the steam rise up over the rocks from his ass, and then let the garden hose loose on power soak. Instant Geyser............oh, and while you are here at Satanville, please come and look at the hounds of hell in their pen, they will dazzle you as they poo at random, and chew your fingers off if you put your hands through the slats in the fence.......and if you are really lucky, you may see the next door neighbor's sheep who will stampede at the fence if you bring weeds for them.......

See Satanville = way more fun, at such a reasonable price........your soul....muhahahahahahahhaa!!!

$265 + $350 = Bite Me!

Yes, thats $265 for my PG & E bill (thats the electric company for you non Californians) and $350 for the propane tank.

What the Fuck????!!! I am so calling these people tomorrow. Who do they think they are? Do they expect me just to bend over and take it up the ass? All I can say is there will be some major ass kicking going on.....and it won't be my ass that gets it!

Fuckers, think they can take my hard earned money.........

Chillin'

Spirit Chillin in the sun. Leo is about to end the chillin' session by farting in Spirits face....

Almost Famous

I started to think of all the "famous" people I have seen over the years....not as many as some (my dear pisser) and not as strange (my dear Mangey) but none the less, here is what I came up with:

Paul Newman- watched my mum fumble in her purse as we stared back at him, my mum oblivious that he was watching....

Joann Worley- nearly became a hood ornament to our car when my dad tried to hit her......he said he wasn't, but yeah, we know better dad!

the author of "Where the Red Fern Grows"- signed my paperback book when I was in 3rd grade...I was thrilled.....I was easily amused back then.....and gee, I still am....go figure...

Tommy Lee-1985 cal expo sacramento, waiving to us screaming stupid chicks from his backstage trailer, as we jumped up and down screaming "tommy!!!!!!""" Mangey nearly missed this, as she was fumbling with her camera at the time...

Taime Downe-Sacramento, Arco Arena- spotted him sitting in the bleachers after FasterPussycat's set....and Mangey dared me to go talk to him......ok, Mangey I will!!! "You Whore" she yelled as I ran off to meet him!

Bret Michaels of Poison- sitting with whores at the Rainbow. Just walked by with my tongue hanging out of my mouth (huminahuminahumina) I so loved him, but alas, he wasn't into pale goth chicks, instead the blonde bimbo won out....whatevah!

C*C* Deville of Poison-watched him and his mum chat about who knows what at LAX.....but it was most amusing watching CC and his wild hand gestures!

Rikki Rocket of Poison- picking up baggage at baggage claim at LAX.....whats up with these Poison boys and the airport??? And where are you Bobby Dall? I haven't seen you yet....

Lemmy-holding up the bar at the Rainbow and trying to pick up on anything that stood next to him......gross Lemmy, no thanks.....

Madonna- bitch cut me off in traffic in LA.

Ben Bratt- walking down the street in SF with some chick, could of been his wife, his affair, his sister, who knows....

Reba MacIntire- shopping at Saks when I was a makeup artist....not very exciting.....

Steve Young (ex-quarterback 49ers) - shopping in the makeup dept at Nordstrom at xmas time, when I worked at the Estee Lauder counter. A huge mob of middle age woman eager to get him to sign something, drove him out of the store......

Robin Zander of Cheap Trick- watched Mangey fumble with her umbrella.....and she wasn't aware of this until I (speachless as I lusted after Mr. Zander for years) tapped her on the shoulder and pointed in the direction of RZ.....(later on stage, he sang to me, and my life was complete....until I heard the whisper of Mangey next to me...."you whore....")


Dogs D'mour- Propping themselves up at the bar at the Stone, many moons ago......

Andy McCoy (from Hanoi Rocks)- walked past Mangey and I on the streets of London.....we both squeeled Andy McCoy!!!! ( No, you Whore, from Mangey, this was my Pre Whore self....)

Lars Ulrich (Metallica) - stopped to sign our "Vain" stickers on top of Mangeys killer chevet. How humilating for him it must of been at the time, stupid chicks who were there to see a glam band asking Mr. Metallica for an autograph!!

and of course countless times I have been to concerts and seen bands however the few memorable ones:

Michael Monroe at the Omni, where I nearly fell out of the balcony on top of him, yes, Mangey was yelling "you Whore!!"

Guns N' Roses- in Sacramento, where I ended up sitting onstage underneath Axl's microphone and being pelted with drumsticks from Steve Adler....(with Mangey next to me, shouting, you guessed it, "you Whore!

Sisters Of Mercy- at the Warfield, that show just kicked ass...complete ass!

Simply Red- at the Warfield, yeah I know where does Simply Red fit in, but it rocked, and I was able to scream to Mangey, "you Whore" as Mick Hucknell sang to her!!

Kiss and Wasp- my first ever concert in Sacramento, you always remember your first show man, so young, so impressionable, and I had screamed my lungs out before Wasp finished their set......

LA Guns- The Stone, where both Mangey and I kept yelling at each other, "you Whore!"........

oh yes, those were the days.........

We Hate Love, We Love Hate

These are a few of my most hateful things:

waking up to dark mornings
waking up to a cold dark morning
people that can't drive and think they can
cramps
bloatedness
headaches
stupid people
ugly stupid people
phat ugly stupid people
Walmart shopping
shoppers at Walmart
phat ugly stupid walmart shoppers
children
bratty children
children that think they are cute, but really just need to be slapped
stupid people with their children that they think are cute who just need to be slapped
football
earwigs
having to put gas in my car
folding laundry
my ex boss
people that say: Hate is a very strong word.

Yeah, thats why I use it.

Everyone Must Suffer Now......

How cranky can one be when one is pms'd? Oh so very cranky am I. And if I am pissed off for no reason, then everyone will join me. And its worse when there are peeps around me that don't realize I'm pissed.......release the evil........

However, had a good day out with my mum inlaw, took her to meet my hair stylist who gave her a really cute do, then was off to get a manicure/pedicure, lunch and shopping, followed up by a facial! Chick day, gotta love those chick days!! Feeling much better now, pms has subsided thanks to mass quantity of mood altering drugs.

Boys are still adorable as ever. Satan was home with them today, and took video footage of all the romping in the mud they did. Must say when I got home boys were oh so tired, but still wanting to play, but very slowly.....and Miss Willow also had too much fun as she has pulled something in her leg...doesn't seem to be to serious and she isn't winging or yelping when her back leg is touched....just had too much fun with brothers. And doesn't know when to stop.

Thats all I got. Until tomorrow when the vicious PMS returns......and my wrath will come down on another unsuspecting individual...heh heh heh...........

House at Poo Corner

The boys are home!!!!!!!! Here is a photo of them inspecting their new digs, including the pissing rock. They still squat at the moment, but I'm sure it will be only a matter of time before they are pissing on everything, so Satan thought the rock would come in handy for aim practice.
(don't know if he will be out there using it as well?)

We have officially named them. Spirit and Leo. Spirit thinks he is a bad ass and beats up on his brother Leo. They love their sisters. Willow is a complete idiot around them. Go figure. The precious has put Spirit in his place, and just kinda ignores Leo, as he is a wuss like big sis Willow.

This morning when I got up to check on them, their pen was wall to wall poo. What did you guys do last night? Have a poo party and invite some other pups in town to the party? Gross. I hate picking up poo. Its the one thing about having dogs I hate. So tonight Satan gets poo duty. I did enough of it this morning. And of course the little shits haven't done a thing since he's been home. Men. They always stick together.......

Boys and Their Poo......

Left work early today to go and see my little guys. How cute are they? Ok, Spirit is definitely a Spirit, and so will be like Ghostie when he is older, full of mischief.....the other little guy who is still nameless, is going to be such a mama's boy. When I got into their pen with them today, he just came over and curled up under my legs, and was so huggy and cuddly......just love them.....however, I was covered in poo when I left. As their pen had poo in it, they had poo on their feet, which in turn got all over me. So of course when I got home had to shower immediately. Their sisters of course wanted to know where I had been, as they could smell their brothers. But couldn't stop for the sniff, as the poo smell was just too gross. 4 days to go.....so love them!

Mama's Boys

So, we never made it down to where Billy Wilder was, however, on Saturday, I had a feeling I needed to go to the local Humane Society in town,......and what did we find, not one, but two boys!
They are both brothers, 8 weeks old! There is a total of six of them at the shelter, but because Satan and I couldn't decide, we got two of them. They get to come home this coming Sunday, as they are still on watch for any worms, or other oddities puppies may have. They will also both be getting snipped soon too.

We are still trying to decide on names. The white/tan one we have thought of calling him Spirit, as he looks very much like Ghostie....as he is malamute. The other little guy, is still waiting for a name. I was thinking of Bear. So any other names are greatly appreciated.

So as you all can imagine, I so can't wait for Sunday to arrive.........

Ok, Just A Quickie, Now.......

Just a quickie, as I am heading out for a much needed hair coloring appointment.

Yesterday, my alarm didn't go off, so I woke up 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave for a 3 hour drive to a training. FUCK! So I was able to wash face, slap something that I thought was makeup on, and put my hair in ponytail, I even laundry basket dove for clothes (?) thats what happens when woken out of a sleep and needing to drive......

Saw old evil boss, evil as ever, biyatch! However, wasn't able to do anything to me, so she was deflated in her wanting to bitch at me....ha ha.

And last but not least, way too much chocolate in this house due to inlaws arriving, I feel by the end of the weekend I shall have gained a good 20 pounds just by breathing in all the chocolate fumes....
Oh yeah, my colds gone, but now Satan has it..........and you know what Satan is like when he has a cold, he turns into bambino Satan.........good job his mummy's here.............off to get my hair done now! Ta TA!

Great Green Globs of Greasy Grimey Gopher Guts

Now I am sounding like an old gross man. The cold has moved into my chest, and I am coughing up gross brown and green globs....mmmm, yummy. But the hack I am doing before it comes up would rival any old man in a nursing home and their demon cough.

Tomorrow my inlaws arrive, for six weeks. Satan and I are thinking of little trips to have them go on. However, their being here plays nicely into getting another dog. As they would be able to look after him or her during the "adjusting" period. See I am always trying to find ways to work it. And this just might work. Satan was also thinking this as well, see evil minds think alike.

So my st00pid esthetic license still hasn't arrived. Motherfuckers. So I reluctantly went online to find how much it was to send off for a duplicate license. Looks like it is only $10.00, so I sent in the form plus my ten bucks, so they better send something this time. I am just tired of dealing with the idiots on the phone who don't have an answer for me, and tell me they will get back to me....yeah right. So as usual, I am taking matters into my own hands. So you know, the st00pid original license will show up this week, right? Figures..................

Fashion Victim #45

Oh yeah, my fashion don't is at number 45 on this list! I was impressed that pale pasty face and black clothing made the list.....but then again, I am on the don't list!

While I was being a couch potatoe today, as I have had a cold for the last 3 days, I was channel surfing between the TV Guide channel with the emmy red carpet show featuring everyone's favorite plastic surgery victim, Joan Rivers and her freak of a daughter and E!'s red carpet show, with that cow Star Jones......well the E! show finished first and so the do's and don't were on next...couldn't help but to sit and watch in all my laundry day fashions glory!

So you can imagine how estatic I was to see the "Goth" look with clips of my darlink Marilyn, Angelina when she went goth for a sec, Elvirah herself, not to mention a ton of clips from the under 18 group of gothlings.....it was rather amusing.....

Oh yeah, and then had to turn over to vh1 to catch the last episode of the reality show portion of Rockstar: Inxs. It is down to Marty, JD, and Mig. Marty creeps me out as he looks just like a freaky old boyfriend of mine, except mine had black spikey hair, other than that, dead on,...JD needs to stop tweezing his eyebrows like a girl, and Mig, well Mig is just too cute....however, I do like them all, so we will have to see on Tuesday who INXS picks. I'm rooting for Mig, just cuz' he is too cute and sweet for words. Although I think JD fits more. (Could it be he tries to be like Michael Hutchance, or is that really natural?)

I think I have had too much time on my hands with this cold, that I am actually having this kind of debate with the voices in my head...........

Meet Billy. He Likes Long Walks, Good Conversation, and Likes to Cuddle....

This is Billy Wilder. He is currently at the Sonoma Humane Society. How Cute is he!!!
Satan and I are starting to look for another pupster to join the coven! So I have been going on line to the local shelters to see who is around. And I came across Billy today. It says he is about 3 years old (which would be the same age as Willow) Says he is a Rotweiler/sheperd mix.

He is just the cutest little guy (next to you Animas George!) So I will have to show him to Satan tonight when he gets home....it seems Billy has been hangin at the shelter since June...poor guy. It also says on his info he likes to cuddle. Now how can you a resist a guy that likes to cuddle...........

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

So the "precious" today decides to kick the dog next door's ass through the fence......don't ask how she did it, but she did.

I think it may have been her sliding feet of fury into the fence line that did it. However, she didn't go unscathed. Notice the scabby nose.

She is so proud of her nose. She is so looking forward to doing more of her kung fu tomorrow on the other dog next door.


In other strange sightings today, as I am in my car stopped in a line of other cars for road construction. I look in my rearview mirror. There is this middle aged woman, hair all perfect for going to work, makeup all just perfect, wearing earrings and necklace....looks like she is going to the office....as she is sitting there in her car primping herself in her rearview mirror, she suddenly starts pickin her nose! Not just a dainty pick, oh no, she was pickin' a winner for sure! I think I saw her knuckle disappear into the nasal cavity........too bad I didn't have my camera!

And then as I am having lunch with my old work bud, (who is now a facial client!) we are lookin out the window and we are fascinated by the dude havin a full on conversation with the pavement. Don't know if the pavement was answering him back, but it was rather a heated discussion he was having.

Being that it looks like there is a full moon ahead on Sunday, we have only just begun......

Hummingbird Crack........

This is all I have today. These hummingbirds at my house are taking over. And this is just a small mob. I have little sugar junkies bombarding me as I go out on to the back deck if their feeders are out of the juice.

I can hear them chattering in the trees right now. They are saying, "hey beeeoootcchh, our feeders empty, we be needin the sug juice! Get out here and bring us our supply!"

Nice knowing you all, I'm off to be the hummingbird's sugar bitch.........

Dissed....

Time has come to a stand still here in my office. Clock on the wall is stuck at 3:50. Don't know if it was a.m., or p.m. though........its really sad watching the second hand trying to move forward, but alas, going nowhere.........anyway...............

So a few posts ago I wrote about having to go to partys where I don't know anyone....and how I loathe it....well my coven friends, karma always comes back to kick me up the ass......I found out today that I WASN'T INVITED to a "beauty school reunion party" where all my fellow beauty school esthetic graduates went too......

Oh, no, we can't invite that pasty white vampyre back here.....mmmmmHmmmmm! Now I know how you really feel about me.....as if I would have gone to that stupid party....."I got my OWN stuff to to do ANYWAY!!!!!! (to be read in a Nancy Spungen voice from the film, Sid and Nancy)

May I add, that I am the only one of my fellow grads that has a job in the esthetic world anyway...other than a couple of them who got jobs as receptionists for a couple of spas...(you went to beauty school and all that torture, to be a fuckin receptionist?? what the fuck??) And that only 5 of us out of my grad. class actually passed the state board.........

yeah, thats right.....don't invite me ya LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!

I will get my just desserts in the end!!!!!!!!

Yeah, whatever, I wouldn't have gone anyway, as I had a full day of "real" clients to attend to.....I would have just liked to have been invited.......to then TURN YA DOWN! HA! What do ya think about that????????????????

Can someone say, Vampy is a little bit pms'd this week?

Possessed By My Father

Tonight I think I really out did Satan on the swearing. Thats what happens when I spill my drink all over my desk......and I am trying to help him make up his brochures for his upcoming Sonoma Home Show. It was most amusing seeing Satan run around not knowing what to do as I was yelling my lungs out! MotherFuckerSonOfABitch! GodDamnIt! ForFucksSake!! And then he comes running in with a stream of paper towels, then runs out again, dodging the magazines, unpaid bills and other shit I was slinging off my desk!

However, I can't help this swearing. I believe I am possessed by my dad, and he would be ever so proud. Mum on the other hand would not be. Satan said I was swearing so loud he thinks our neighbors heard....and as we live out in the middle of nowhere, I must have been pretty loud.

So other than yelling at the top of my lungs over spilt water, I also have an aching back...(where is that Mangey when you need her most) from pulling weeds in my veggie patch this weekend. And can I just say how I hate those fuckin' squirrels who have totally eaten all the good veggies. They even ate my green peppers. Squirrels eating peppers. Is there such a thing? There must be. They have also eaten all of my cucumbers, and have started in on the strawberries. Fuckers. Who ever said squirrels were cute, must never have been a gardner.

And to make matters worse, one must of died under our deck, as we also had flies and the stench of a dead thang. Unless, I had an unexpected Vampyre visitor who had taken up residence over the weekend. Didn't he know he was welcome in the house? Maybe he too had had enough of my swearing!

Call of the Wild

After reading Ms. Bees Knees blog, I saw on her side bar the website of the humane society for the animals in need from the hurricane.

Feeling helpless all week watching the news, I have been wanting to do something. Giving blood is not in a vampyre's capasity when such large doses are needed. I was wanting to send money, but where will it go exactly.....

So when cruzin' the Bees Honey Hive, and I saw the address, I understood where I had to donate. So if any of you out there who like me, are feeling like you don't know what to donate and just where to, and are also a massive animal lover.

The animals have no clue what is going on, I saw the little pony farm on the news last night where several ponies have died, so sad, and they have run out of hay.

Just thought for us animal lovers we could help the ones who truly can't help themselves during times like these.

The Humane Society relief fund for animals of the hurricane

Wrapped in Plastic..........

I escaped Jury duty. Which would have been kinda cool to do, if I was still with a company that I could be on salary for. However, now being a Self Employed kinda chick, I can't take time off for frivolities such as Jury Duty.

I would have been able to sit in on a MURDER trial too. Of all the dumb luck....why was it when I was on salary and got called for jury duty, all the good trials went to the others, and I just got to sit in a room with 200 other shmucks waiting to see if I would get picked....

And now that I need to work, I get a Death and Distruction trial.....figures......

So anyway, besides my exciting Monday life of hangin at the court house all friggin day waiting for the judge to spare me of my civic duties.......nothing else exciting happening......

Oh yeah, I did a cellulite wrap on a client yesterday....she actually lost some inches too! I got to spread mud all over her, then wrap her in cellophane, then wrap her in a thermal blanket for 20 minutes.....and I got paid for this......quite cool. I took her measurements before and after, and it did show she sweated out those inches.....so she said she would be back to get a series of these treatments done.....and I charged her $100.00 for one treatment, so a series of 6 treatments....$600.00 to wrap someone in plastic......not to shabby!

And last but not least, I get to see Chicken tomorrow and give her a facial! Should be quite the day, as then Mz. Liz shall be joining in on the facial fun, as her appt. is at 3pm tomorrow! See, Jen, I could fit you in for a bikini wax tomorrow too! As I am now the bikini wax queen, as I seem to be doing Bikini waxes every other day now!