Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Almond Joy's Got Nuts, These Puppies Don't.....

Oh yes, the joys of being nutered. The boys had their bits taken away today. They were so bummed to have to go to the vet this morning. However, this evening they are running around and beating each other up like nothing happened to them this morning.

Interesting thing about modern technology. They don't use good old fashion stitches anymore. Oh no, the boys had their nut sacks sealed with glue. Yes glue. So the vet told me no swimming or taking baths for them for a week. Poor guys and they so enjoy their daily shower, shit, and shave.

I must say that it was chop yer bits of Wednesday today, as when I dropped them off at the vet, there was like 10 plus dogs there for the same thing. Was it an assembly line, one vet makes the incision, next vet takes out the bits, and the third vet is there with the glue.......just hope they don't have convayer belt problems like Lucy and Ethel had!!!!!!!

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Sunday, October 23, 2005

Don't Waste your $8.00

We ( Satan and his parental Units) went on Saturday to see "old faithful" at the Geysers.......

Uh, yeah. Anyone coming to California, can skip this big rip off if you are anywhere near Calistoga. They also claim to have on site the infamous "fainting goats" fainting, just alot of shitting and eating, and staring at the idiots trying to scare them into fainting.....

Oh and there were Lamas. Like two miles away in a paddock that no one could get to. So if you didn't bring binoculars to look for the Lamas, you are out of your Lama luck.

Old faithful is supposed to erupt every 15 - 25 minutes. Which it did. With some gurgaling from below, some steam rising from the casual rocks placed over the hole....and then, there she blows.....ok, thats what.............

So I told Satan, we will need to set up our own "old faithful" out the back of our house. I will get Satan to stand behind some rocks with a garden hose. Have him fart a few times behind the rocks to shock and awe the spectators, see the steam rise up over the rocks from his ass, and then let the garden hose loose on power soak. Instant Geyser............oh, and while you are here at Satanville, please come and look at the hounds of hell in their pen, they will dazzle you as they poo at random, and chew your fingers off if you put your hands through the slats in the fence.......and if you are really lucky, you may see the next door neighbor's sheep who will stampede at the fence if you bring weeds for them.......

See Satanville = way more fun, at such a reasonable price........your soul....muhahahahahahahhaa!!!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

$265 + $350 = Bite Me!

Yes, thats $265 for my PG & E bill (thats the electric company for you non Californians) and $350 for the propane tank.

What the Fuck????!!! I am so calling these people tomorrow. Who do they think they are? Do they expect me just to bend over and take it up the ass? All I can say is there will be some major ass kicking going on.....and it won't be my ass that gets it!

Fuckers, think they can take my hard earned money.........

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Spirit Chillin in the sun. Leo is about to end the chillin' session by farting in Spirits face....

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Almost Famous

I started to think of all the "famous" people I have seen over the years....not as many as some (my dear pisser) and not as strange (my dear Mangey) but none the less, here is what I came up with:

Paul Newman- watched my mum fumble in her purse as we stared back at him, my mum oblivious that he was watching....

Joann Worley- nearly became a hood ornament to our car when my dad tried to hit her......he said he wasn't, but yeah, we know better dad!

the author of "Where the Red Fern Grows"- signed my paperback book when I was in 3rd grade...I was thrilled.....I was easily amused back then.....and gee, I still am....go figure...

Tommy Lee-1985 cal expo sacramento, waiving to us screaming stupid chicks from his backstage trailer, as we jumped up and down screaming "tommy!!!!!!""" Mangey nearly missed this, as she was fumbling with her camera at the time...

Taime Downe-Sacramento, Arco Arena- spotted him sitting in the bleachers after FasterPussycat's set....and Mangey dared me to go talk to him......ok, Mangey I will!!! "You Whore" she yelled as I ran off to meet him!

Bret Michaels of Poison- sitting with whores at the Rainbow. Just walked by with my tongue hanging out of my mouth (huminahuminahumina) I so loved him, but alas, he wasn't into pale goth chicks, instead the blonde bimbo won out....whatevah!

C*C* Deville of Poison-watched him and his mum chat about who knows what at LAX.....but it was most amusing watching CC and his wild hand gestures!

Rikki Rocket of Poison- picking up baggage at baggage claim at LAX.....whats up with these Poison boys and the airport??? And where are you Bobby Dall? I haven't seen you yet....

Lemmy-holding up the bar at the Rainbow and trying to pick up on anything that stood next to him......gross Lemmy, no thanks.....

Madonna- bitch cut me off in traffic in LA.

Ben Bratt- walking down the street in SF with some chick, could of been his wife, his affair, his sister, who knows....

Reba MacIntire- shopping at Saks when I was a makeup artist....not very exciting.....

Steve Young (ex-quarterback 49ers) - shopping in the makeup dept at Nordstrom at xmas time, when I worked at the Estee Lauder counter. A huge mob of middle age woman eager to get him to sign something, drove him out of the store......

Robin Zander of Cheap Trick- watched Mangey fumble with her umbrella.....and she wasn't aware of this until I (speachless as I lusted after Mr. Zander for years) tapped her on the shoulder and pointed in the direction of RZ.....(later on stage, he sang to me, and my life was complete....until I heard the whisper of Mangey next to me...."you whore....")

Dogs D'mour- Propping themselves up at the bar at the Stone, many moons ago......

Andy McCoy (from Hanoi Rocks)- walked past Mangey and I on the streets of London.....we both squeeled Andy McCoy!!!! ( No, you Whore, from Mangey, this was my Pre Whore self....)

Lars Ulrich (Metallica) - stopped to sign our "Vain" stickers on top of Mangeys killer chevet. How humilating for him it must of been at the time, stupid chicks who were there to see a glam band asking Mr. Metallica for an autograph!!

and of course countless times I have been to concerts and seen bands however the few memorable ones:

Michael Monroe at the Omni, where I nearly fell out of the balcony on top of him, yes, Mangey was yelling "you Whore!!"

Guns N' Roses- in Sacramento, where I ended up sitting onstage underneath Axl's microphone and being pelted with drumsticks from Steve Adler....(with Mangey next to me, shouting, you guessed it, "you Whore!

Sisters Of Mercy- at the Warfield, that show just kicked ass...complete ass!

Simply Red- at the Warfield, yeah I know where does Simply Red fit in, but it rocked, and I was able to scream to Mangey, "you Whore" as Mick Hucknell sang to her!!

Kiss and Wasp- my first ever concert in Sacramento, you always remember your first show man, so young, so impressionable, and I had screamed my lungs out before Wasp finished their set......

LA Guns- The Stone, where both Mangey and I kept yelling at each other, "you Whore!"........

oh yes, those were the days.........

Monday, October 10, 2005

We Hate Love, We Love Hate

These are a few of my most hateful things:

waking up to dark mornings
waking up to a cold dark morning
people that can't drive and think they can
stupid people
ugly stupid people
phat ugly stupid people
Walmart shopping
shoppers at Walmart
phat ugly stupid walmart shoppers
bratty children
children that think they are cute, but really just need to be slapped
stupid people with their children that they think are cute who just need to be slapped
having to put gas in my car
folding laundry
my ex boss
people that say: Hate is a very strong word.

Yeah, thats why I use it.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Everyone Must Suffer Now......

How cranky can one be when one is pms'd? Oh so very cranky am I. And if I am pissed off for no reason, then everyone will join me. And its worse when there are peeps around me that don't realize I'm pissed.......release the evil........

However, had a good day out with my mum inlaw, took her to meet my hair stylist who gave her a really cute do, then was off to get a manicure/pedicure, lunch and shopping, followed up by a facial! Chick day, gotta love those chick days!! Feeling much better now, pms has subsided thanks to mass quantity of mood altering drugs.

Boys are still adorable as ever. Satan was home with them today, and took video footage of all the romping in the mud they did. Must say when I got home boys were oh so tired, but still wanting to play, but very slowly.....and Miss Willow also had too much fun as she has pulled something in her leg...doesn't seem to be to serious and she isn't winging or yelping when her back leg is touched....just had too much fun with brothers. And doesn't know when to stop.

Thats all I got. Until tomorrow when the vicious PMS returns......and my wrath will come down on another unsuspecting individual...heh heh heh...........

Monday, October 03, 2005

House at Poo Corner

The boys are home!!!!!!!! Here is a photo of them inspecting their new digs, including the pissing rock. They still squat at the moment, but I'm sure it will be only a matter of time before they are pissing on everything, so Satan thought the rock would come in handy for aim practice.
(don't know if he will be out there using it as well?)

We have officially named them. Spirit and Leo. Spirit thinks he is a bad ass and beats up on his brother Leo. They love their sisters. Willow is a complete idiot around them. Go figure. The precious has put Spirit in his place, and just kinda ignores Leo, as he is a wuss like big sis Willow.

This morning when I got up to check on them, their pen was wall to wall poo. What did you guys do last night? Have a poo party and invite some other pups in town to the party? Gross. I hate picking up poo. Its the one thing about having dogs I hate. So tonight Satan gets poo duty. I did enough of it this morning. And of course the little shits haven't done a thing since he's been home. Men. They always stick together.......