Thursday, December 30, 2004

Lucretia My Reflection

As 2004 comes to a close, I decided to get out my journal that I started at the beginning of the year and look at the things I wrote down that I wanted to accomplish, so here they are:

1. To successfully reach my goal weight-came within 4 pounds of achieving it when I went to England in April, needless to say, I am more than 4 pounds away yet again.....
2. Climb a 5.10 by Dec. 31st. -ok, that didn't happen, however I am climbing 5.8's so I am close!
3.Have a fun and exciting England vacation-Yeah, that actually happened Yay!!!
4. Keep up on Journal entries and actually finish this Journal by the end of the year- well, it would of happened if I hadn't been drawn into the blog my online journal has been doing quite well I guess, I could always print out my past entries and stick them in the book.....thats not cheating is it??
5. Read 6 books by Dec. 31st-Uh, lets see what did I read this year? Blood Canticle, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban, Sacred Contracts....and I am half way through Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, I am half way through Between Heaven and Earth, I am a quarter of the way through Book of Shadows.....I see some books in 2005 I need to be finishing here......
6.Be open to try new things-ok, I could have been setting myself up for some scary ass shit there, but as far as new things, I did start climbing, I started school, I started a new job, and one of the big ones, I actually started trying to take my own advice, which wasn't too bad....
7. Enjoy the moment-Ok, that most have been when I was watching Oprah, as that is such an Oprah thing to have written, however, I do believe I did do this, alot more than I have done in past years.......

Interesting, I only had 7, and yeah, they weren't exceptionally mind blowing, but it is interesting to see where my head was at this time last year....

So what do I want to accomplish for 2005? Well, for sure it is to graduate from school, get my estheticians license, and start my own business. Oh yeah, then there is the achieving my goal weight thing....lets see if I can make it within 2 pounds shall we??? and maybe I will look into finishing one of those books.............................

Monday, December 27, 2004

So Some Plastic Flowers, A Jesus Hand and Some Stale Halloween Candy walk Into A Bar......

Now, I am not one for dissin anyone getting me a present...However, Satan and I have had some rather strange and unusual gifts given to us this month.

Lets see it all started with a birthday present from my mother in law. Now I love my mother in law she is a very sweet lady who I am thankful to have as a mother in law. However, Satan and I both think she is slowly losing it...So I get this package show up in the mail a couple of days before my birthday, and from the wrapping, it looks like a huge toblerone bar, so of course, I am thinking I have scored, as this is one of Satan's fave candys and I have gotten one for birthday. Well, upon opening said pressie, inside is 3 plastic flowers. How odd. As I am not your plastic flowers type o' girl and nor have I ever said ya know, I've been thinking of getting plastic flowers. Now if you could see these flowers, you would understand my thoughts behind this, they are just odd. Satan was even perplexed by the whole thing. And usually he can uncode a present if one is need of decoding.

Next....Another pressie from England shows up, this time, it is for Satan....For Christmas......It is a Jesus hand (giving the Jesus finger sign) with a hole in the middle of the Jesus palm for incense stick to be put in.......uh yeah, you guessed it, it came from his mum again.......Satan's reasoning behind it, is that maybe his mum didn't know what it was, as the finger thing is more Catholic?? Ok, that's really reaching....So what Christians don't do the Jesus finger thing (and no, my mother in law isn't Christian)? No Satan says, they do the baby Jesus and then Jesus on the Cross...They kinda miss the inbetween bits...But Catholics do the Jesus finger thing, and the Jesus big arm pose in the Da Vinci painting at the last supper. Ok....Do ya like religion according to Satan???

Ok, lets move on to present number 3, and this my friends is classic. It comes from my oldest sister (no, not Mangey)....I got a box o' stuff...Inside is a picture of my mum as a little girl in a really nice frame which I was happy to get, further inspection of box includes two tree ornaments, and then it starts getting odd, a box of shortbread (could be a second hand gift), and then in the bottom of box is stale Halloween candy from my nephew's Halloween reject candy pile. Yes, it was stale. I tried one of the cigar bubble gums first, and after nearly breaking off my front teeth trying to bite into it I realized that the rest of the loot was also stale.

Needless to say, my plastic flowers are displayed in my office in a vase, Satan's Jesus hand is sitting on our shelf nicely next to the grim reaper door knocker we got from his brother, but sadly my stale Halloween candy made it into the garbage bin where it will meet up with its friends the stale fruit cake and the rotting turkey carcass at the local garbage dump.............

Friday, December 24, 2004

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Satan and I ventured out to the grocery store today. It wasn't as bad as past experiences with shopping before Christmas. However, there were the usual suspect in the store: Old women bumbling about like bumper cars at an amusement park...I think they needed lights and noise makers attached to them though, although they did make a noise when they bumped into us...the usual screaming child in a basket with the mother looking stressed,, lots of men....looking for last minute christmas presents...and the over worked stressed out women trying to buy those last minute items for last minute christmas revelers turing up at their doors.

Ah the joy of not having that stress is lovely. However, Satan did want a turkey, so I am in the process of cooking one right now. Won't we have one tomorrow? Well, uh no, we are going to see my other sister tomorrow, who is a vegetarian. So unless Satan wants to sit and stare at everyone tomorrow, we needed to make something to bring. However, at least he will have something to do while sitting and staring at everyone tomorrow.

So to all of my fellow bloggers out there who celebrate the Christmas holiday in true Christmas fashion, my wishes go out to you....and to the rest of you who like me find tomorrow to be just another day without getting mail: sleep in, rest up, eat well, and especially for Mangey, smoke some of that holiday herb!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

O You Were A Vampire and baby I'm Walking Dead..

Well lets see, for the record I am a klutz. This morning trying to get my bag out of the backseat of my car, I hit my head on the roof (don't ask) and managed to give myself whiplash......oh yes... luckily one of my fellow students is a massage therapist, so she worked on my neck which helped. However, me feelin like the whip lash is coming back....oh satan, I think you need to massage my neck......

So in other school news.....I have been outed. We learned how to do pressure point massage on the face and back today. So when it came time to practice the back massage, we all had to get into our toga type robes to be practiced on. So as I am lying there on the table, I start to hear, what tattoo is that? What does your tattoo mean?? Do you belong to a cult?

Oh yes, I forgot about my vampyre tattoo on my back. "What do you think it means" I said. I just got stares back at me. And then one voice out of the room says, is that why you always wear black? " Sort of" I said. And then someone else says, I thought you were goth. You totally are goth, aren't you? someone else said, you totally act goth (I didn't know I was acting goth) You know, my daughter is wanting to be goth, said yet another. " how old is your daughter?" (feeling rather old at this point). 11 she says, but I think she likes the makeup. then she says, do goths do drugs?

So yes, people, you now are in the midst of a vampyre. I did get asked if I drank blood. Yes some people seem to think its ok to ask such a question. " Do I drink blood?" I replied, " depends on the vintage, of course."

Monday, December 20, 2004

Happy Winter Solstice

The Winter Solstice is tomorrow. Now, most of you probably know that I am not Christian. Nor have I ever been Christian. However, for a good part of my life I have celebrated Christmas. Not participating in any of the Christian traditions of this time like going to church and paying respects to Jesus and the lot. No, most of my Christmas traditions I remember were full of running around trying to buy gifts for everybody and anyone I could even think may need something. Why? Well, because thats what people do on this holiday yes? Buy things for others. But why? When I was a youngster, it never occurred to me why we did this. I was just so excited to get a heeping pile o' presents on the 25th each year I didn't give it much thought. However, the older I have gotten the more Pagan I seem to be. Although I have never put myself into a catagory of religion, if you were to put me in a slot it would fall between the Pagan/Wiccan area.

Anyhow, for those of you that wonder what the whole Winter Solstice thing is about here is some info for you I have gathered from one of my many books. This one is from Life Magic by Susan Bowes. So to my fellow Pagans and Wiccans out there, Happy Winter Solstice:

In the northern hemisphere, the winter solstice falls on Dec. 21 or 22, the beginning of Capricorn. This is the shortest day of the year, after which the daylight hours grow longer. Therefore, the winter solstice is known as the "birth of light". The Anglo-Saxon word for this solstice is yule, which is derived from the Nordic iul, meaning "wheel" as in the sacred circle, or wheel, of nature. This was the day when the chief Druid cut the sacred mistletoe from the oak, allowing it to fall upon a cloak. This tradition is still upheld today when people include mistletoe in their Christmas decorations.

Great fires were lit to celebrate the return of the sun: the "yule" log is the last vestige of this custom. So potent was this Yule festivale that the Christian Church adopted Dec. 25 for their own birth celebrations. This was also the date for festivities in honor of the sun god Sol.

The tradition of bringing evergreen holly and ivy into the home during the winter months pays homage to the masculine and feminine elements. The male is the prickly holly with it sexually potent red berries, the female is the entwining, yeilding ivy. Together they act as a reminder that nature never dies, but is waiting to be reborn again in the spring.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Vampygirl gives good Face.....

At school, I am now able to work on the clients that come through the door looking to get a facial!! Yipee!! Today was my second day of actual clients. And already I have been told by this lady this morning, that I was the best facial she's ever had!! Now being evil (of course) Satan, says, were you the only facial she's ever had? Ha Ha very funny Satan.....and the answer...NO!

In fact she tipped me $10!!! Thats right folks I get tips! And being that I love money, this is quite fun, and now I am a facial whore, today, I kept going up to the front to see if anyone else had booked an appointment, so I could take them!! Just think if I was an actual whore, I would be knocking those other hos out of the way for those clients!! But alas, just a facial whore. I did manage to rack up some pretty nice dosh in tips today!

Lets see what else....oh yes tomorrow is my birthday.....happy birthday you're old. Yes I will be 37 tomorrow. 3 years from 40. Oh happy day. Well, at least liz is on her way over to share in the festivities of the evening......

We ( me, Satan and Liz) are going out for dinner tonight to celebrate, and then probably just hang out the rest of the evening......and then tomorrow, I will make them take me to breakfast, as I absolutely love breakfast! It is the best meal of the day!! And then, gee, can't think of any other excitement to be had, as my brain can't think that far in advance......but Satan did pick up a most decadent birthday cake for me.....oh yes, that will be a killer on the old metabolism...if I even still have one......

Oh, and last but not least, I have updated my coven photos of the Mangey fest if anyone gives a shit and would like to take a look, I am sure there will be birthday festivities on there soon, as well....

Well, I am off to make myself pretty.....for this evening.....pretty evil that is............

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

We've Been Driving with Mrs. Brownstone......she won't leave us alone!!!

Before getting to Mangeyfest 2004, the trip started off weird....Our taxi was hijacked by a little old lady who was about 85 years old. Yes, Hijacked!

So, Liz and I call a cab at her place to take us to the airport, and we are outside waiting. The cab pulls up (on the other side of the street about a 1/2 block down) so we are standing there staring at the cab, uh, dude you see us here on the curb with our suitcases...Do ya think you could drive down here to us?? So finally, Mr. cabbie pulls down to us, and says (insert Ahpoo voice from the Simpsons) Are you ladies going to SFO?? Uh, no we just like standing curbside with our bags ya fuck!!

So we roll our bags over to the other side of the street (yah, he didn't pull around to us) and as we are walking over there Liz sees this old lady come out, and say, "Excuse me, but this is my cab, " and proceeds to open the door and sit inside. Uh, ok. But Ahpoo the cab driver is yelling at her that this is our cab and we need to get to the airport. She just sits there one hand on the back seat, the other on the door, this old lady ain't budging. " I just live around the corner, you need to drive me over there, and then you can take these ladies to the airport."

Ahpoo, then just smiles sheepishly at us and tells us to get in, realizing our cab has been hijacked and we won't be going to the airport right away......So Liz gets in the front, and I am in the back with the Hi jacker.

Upon closer look, the little old lady hijacker is dressed all in black and is wearing this plastic looking hat that is also black. Oh great I am thinking to myself, I just got into the cab with the Grim Reaper. (Do any of you watch HBO's Dead Like Me?) Ok, I am thinking just don't touch me, as that is what they do, when death comes a knocking...... "So" she says, "where are you ladies going?" "The Airport" I say, as I am trying to make little or no conversation with her, if you are the reaper, just take me now and cut out the small talk would ya? "Oh she says, well I am not feeling well, and I only live two blocks down this way, and once the cab driver drops me off, you can then get to the airport". Ok, whatever old lady grim.

So, we finally get to her apartment, and she gets out of the cab, looks at me and says "Bon Voyage!" Liz is now getting out of the front to get in the back with me, and as she is doing so, Old Lady Grim puts her hand on Liz' shoulder, " have a nice flight honey" she says to Liz.

OH MY GOD, SHE TOUCHED LIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, of course, I'm thinking, I ain't gonna tell Liz my thoughts on this, as I am sure she will freak out!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say we made it back all in one piece, and Liz last time I spoke with her, is fine.....However, she may have enhanced the curse on Liz with toilets, as Mangeys toilet didn't look to good when we left........To be continued...........

Thursday, December 09, 2004

By The Time I Get To, Green Valley....

So here I am trying to get all my shit together for the Arizona trip tomorrow, and I am blogging!! Well, as Mangeys computer is out, won't be able to until I get home next week!! Trying to make sure I have packed everything...Yeah, its only a couple of days, but in a couple of days I may have needed something I have left behind really badly!!

Well, at least Liz also has a major to do list as well...spoke with Mangey and she was having a spaz, which was funny, as she never spaz' and always makes fun of me, and our other sibling for spazzing.....see I knew she had the spaz gene in her!!

In other news, I have found a new way to school and it cuts 45 minutes off my commute in the morning! And the way I go now reminds me of driving through the english country side. So in my psychotic girl mind every morning, I turn on a cd that reminds me of england, and I pretend I am zipping around the bends in the english country side. Yeah, I am sad sort....but hey you would be too if you were me!!!

Ok, gotta go pack some more, and then get some shut eye, so I can go zipping off to school cruzing through the Yorkshire Dales! Cheerio!!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

3 Days Till Mangeyfest 2004

Again, thank you all for your kind words, I know I have been a rather depressing post to read as of late...but today I am starting to feel a bit better....maybe cuz' I am getting ready to see Mangey on Friday!! YAHOOOO!!!!

She has one fun filled action pact weekend for Liz and I!! Here are some of the highlights she has planned so far:

1. Border Crossing
2. Shopping, Shopping, and More shopping!!
3.Pony Ranch
4. Wild Life Museum (with real animals, not those stuffed kind!)
5.Ghost Town Excursions
6. Oh yes, and lest we forget, the Mangey Recital!!!!!

Yes, Mangey will be having a Holiday Recital with her Violin and her Violin class!! Should be quiet the extravaganza!! I will be bringing my video camera for that one for sure!!

Hope her computer is back in action, as I am sure Liz and I will be taking loads o' photos while we are there!! And we may even get photos of the Mountain Lion!!

There will be more fun and mayhem during the Mangey fest I am sure, as, if I know my sister, she lives to have this should be good.......

Monday, December 06, 2004

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow......

Thanks to everyone for their kind words and wishes. It has been a hard weekend. Full of tears, laughter and more tears. I didn't think I had any more tears left after Saturday, but yesterday they flowed again. My forhead is very tender and sore from all the crying I have done. It really sucks, because more than anything, I hate crying. Always have, always will.

On Saturday morning, we buried Ghostie in our backyard, down by the shed where she used to love to walk around sniffing at all the bushes along the fence line. We live on 1/2 acre, so she would love to walk around down there pretending she didn't here me calling her inside! So Satan and I and our other two girls (the labs) had a ceremony for her, we lit some sage and sat their quietly watching the sage burn down thinking of all the wonderful times we had with her. She will be missed.

Yesterday when I went out to get the groceries, I was fine, however when I pulled back into our driveway, I saw some of her fur that was stuck on the fence (she was a husky, so shedding was a daily occurance for her) and the tears they welled up and came a rolling again. I went and cut some roses that are still growing in our garden(they for some reason have not been hit by the frosts we have had) and put them on Ghostie's grave. Tears again.

This morning after I walked the girls, we went down to Ghosties grave to say good morning to her, and yet again, more tears. It was sad not to walk her this morning. She hadn't been going on long walks lately as her hips were bad, so walking up the driveway was about all she could muster these days...but she enjoyed it just the same.

This saddness feeling will pass, I know, I have been here way too many times over the last couple of years than I would like to before.....but this empty place in my heart just keeps growing, and it makes me realize that the older I get, the more times than I will like, I will be here, again.....but its just a part of life. I know. It just sucks when you realize no one is immortal. And the little girl you still think you are inside, who thinks everyone will be fine and live forever, has grown up and is having to deal with all this death.

All I can say, is really charish the ones you love everyday, because unfortunately we all must leave one day.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

So I Try to Say Goodbye My Friend......

I don't know if complete saddness is the best word I can use. Ultimate grief perhaps? I am trying to explain the feeling of loss and saddness I am feeling right now. At 3:30 am this morning, my dog, Ghost passed away. Unbelievable sadness. She died here in the house with all of us here to say goodbye to her. The hour before she died she just let out these low constant howls, like you here wolves do in the wild. I believe she was saying goodbye to us and her two sisters.

We took turns watching her in the night. She hadn't been feeling well on Friday, and we were watching her closely, however around midnight she took a turn for the worse. I awoke from a sound sleep about 12:30am and knew she was dying. I went through to the living room to see her really not looking well. I woke up Satan to tell him, that I think she is not going to make it.

I called the on call vet to see what we could do, and the only emergency vet around was 2 hours away. Satan and I knew she wouldn't make it there in time. So we decided to stay up with her and make her last few hours as comfortable as we could possibly make them for her and let her know we were here with her and loved her ever so much.

Around 3am I started to doze off, and that is when Ghost started her low howling. I was in that realm between awake and sleep, so I could still hear her. In that inbetween meditation state I was in, I suddenly had this vision of my mother. She was just there in front of me smiling. I asked her if she was here for Ghost, and she just smiled that wonderful motherly smile at me. I told her to take good care of her and that I knew she would be in good hands with her.

At 4am Satan came over to me and just started hugging me and silently weeping. It was one of the saddess moments I have seen, to see him there just holding me and crying, we just rocked each other back and forth. After a few minutes he asked me if he should put Ghost in the other room. Why I asked, how is she. He then looked at me and said, sweetheart, she is gone, she passed away about 1/2 hour ago.

Since 4am I have done nothing but sob. My two other dogs are also so sad. We went into the living room where Ghost lay looking ever so peaceful. Both of my girls walked over to her, heads down sniffing and slowly wagging their tails in a low slow motion. We all said goodbye and Satan put her through to the other room.

So my mum did come and take her into her realm. I am still trying to say goodbye to her after nearly two years of losing her, to see her in my meditation/dream state coming to get Ghost has just made this even more sad.

So I am trying to say goodbye my friend, my sweet loveable Ghost. You were such an amazing dog. You were the kindest most gentlest dog. I will never forget you. I will always love you.