Now, I am not one for dissin anyone getting me a present...However, Satan and I have had some rather strange and unusual gifts given to us this month.
Lets see it all started with a birthday present from my mother in law. Now I love my mother in law she is a very sweet lady who I am thankful to have as a mother in law. However, Satan and I both think she is slowly losing it...So I get this package show up in the mail a couple of days before my birthday, and from the wrapping, it looks like a huge toblerone bar, so of course, I am thinking I have scored, as this is one of Satan's fave candys and I have gotten one for birthday. Well, upon opening said pressie, inside is 3 plastic flowers. How odd. As I am not your plastic flowers type o' girl and nor have I ever said ya know, I've been thinking of getting plastic flowers. Now if you could see these flowers, you would understand my thoughts behind this, they are just odd. Satan was even perplexed by the whole thing. And usually he can uncode a present if one is need of decoding.
Next....Another pressie from England shows up, this time, it is for Satan....For Christmas......It is a Jesus hand (giving the Jesus finger sign) with a hole in the middle of the Jesus palm for incense stick to be put in.......uh yeah, you guessed it, it came from his mum again.......Satan's reasoning behind it, is that maybe his mum didn't know what it was, as the finger thing is more Catholic?? Ok, that's really reaching....So what Christians don't do the Jesus finger thing (and no, my mother in law isn't Christian)? No Satan says, they do the baby Jesus and then Jesus on the Cross...They kinda miss the inbetween bits...But Catholics do the Jesus finger thing, and the Jesus big arm pose in the Da Vinci painting at the last supper. Ok....Do ya like religion according to Satan???
Ok, lets move on to present number 3, and this my friends is classic. It comes from my oldest sister (no, not Mangey)....I got a box o' stuff...Inside is a picture of my mum as a little girl in a really nice frame which I was happy to get, further inspection of box includes two tree ornaments, and then it starts getting odd, a box of shortbread (could be a second hand gift), and then in the bottom of box is stale Halloween candy from my nephew's Halloween reject candy pile. Yes, it was stale. I tried one of the cigar bubble gums first, and after nearly breaking off my front teeth trying to bite into it I realized that the rest of the loot was also stale.
Needless to say, my plastic flowers are displayed in my office in a vase, Satan's Jesus hand is sitting on our shelf nicely next to the grim reaper door knocker we got from his brother, but sadly my stale Halloween candy made it into the garbage bin where it will meet up with its friends the stale fruit cake and the rotting turkey carcass at the local garbage dump.............