Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Sacred Cow......

" now Spirit, we will be taking a family photo, so please,
don't try and hump your brother or sister in the shots..."

So as I am on my 5th day of my diet....I have lost 51/2 pounds! Woo Hoo! However, I realized today that I miss chewing.....I wasn't hungry but needed to chew. Thankfully I had some gum within my reach......

Then it struck me. I must have been a cow in a past life. No glamorous person in a history book, no young Hollywood starlet struck down in her youth in the roaring 20s.....no French nobleman wearing Lestat type clothing.....no just a cud chewing cow. You do realize that this would explain a lot about me. My insatiable need to chew, my love of dairy products, the way I look longingly out into the cow pastures as I cruise through Sonoma County........and of course lets not forget when the dreaded PMS arrives I do feel like I have udders instead of breasteses....

So then I started thinking.....well then what kind of a cow would I be.....a boring run of the mill cow who (poor thing) will end up in the slaughtering line?.........a cute little dairy cow with the big droopy ears........but no, if I want to be something famous, then I must have been one of those "sacred cows " that tribes totally worship. Don't they drink blood from the neck of a sacred cow? That would explain the vampyrism I have now..... Yes, that must be it....I was a sacred Cow!

So now I need to explain my love for coffee.....hmmmm.....Maybe I was Juan Valdez in a former life? Or a close relative????????

Monday, November 28, 2005

Picture Perfect

Yesterday Liz and her man Chris were over and they were helping us take photos of the whole coven, All four dogs, Satan and Myself. Needless to say, it is very hard to get all six of us looking perfect at the same time. It was hilarious none the less. The pups were the only ones on their best behavior. The precious and Willow were just not cooperating, and I couldn't stop laughing everytime Liz tried to take the photo. And we all know how evil Satan can be. So hopefully we can find at least one that we all kinda look ok in.

In other news, I am back on my diet. Since Satan's parents arrived with evil amounts of chocolate, I have gained 7 pounds. That just sucks. So now, I am back to my low carb eating ways, and I have been on it since Friday. I have lost 3 pounds so far. But ya know what sucks? Having to lose those 7 pounds, then having to lose the additional weight that I have put on in the past year. And to really kick off my diet, I did watch "Super Size Me" last night, the documentary about the dude who eats nothing but McDonalds for a whole month. He gained like 20 something pounds in that one month. By the end of the film, I am definitely off fast food. For awhile anyway.......

Speaking of food, as that is all ya think about when starting a diet, I found these really good Blue Diamond Almonds yesterday at the grocery store, they are Maui Onion and Garlic flavored. They only have 2 carbs per 28 nuts....and the beauty is there is no way I can consume 28 in one sitting as the Maui Onion does me in by the 5th nut. But they are damn good. They also had Lime and Chili flavored, Wasabi and Soy Sauce flavored. I may be brave and try the Wasabi ones next week.

As for Thanksgiving. We stayed home. It was great. and Friday we stayed home too, so no spending money for us on Black Friday. With a name like "Black Friday" you think I would have been all over it. But as I am a hermit, I just couldn't see myself going to stores with a million people I would end up wanting to kill by the end. So I stayed home.

Thats it. Another dull post. I think I may have to leave my house soon, as nothing has pissed me off in the last 5 days, and this blog is getting way to boring for words. So maybe I will go and take a walk in the rain, without a hood. As it is raining right now. And I get really pissed off when rain hits my face. Don't know why.....these odd rages just happen........

Monday, November 21, 2005

Theater Des Vampyres

Oh yes, I will be going. I just purchased tickets for myself, Satan, Liz and her man Chris to go on Dec. 18th, the day before my birthday. Happy Birthday to me. Oh yes, I cannot wait.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Don't Bother me, I'm Shopping.................

Gone to trade show....about to spend way too much money......don't care......I am a skin care junky.......and us junkies man, we don't care how much, just that we need the fix.

Its all about the skin care fix.

I'll be back with a skincare hang over on Monday......

toodles kids

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Don't Worry, it Feels Just Like a BandAid Being Ripped Off....

ok you must go HERE and read this. It is just too painful to even try and put into my own words.

But then again, figures things like this happen at other trade shows that I am not at.....you know the sicko in me would have loved to have seen this.......

Will be going to a trade show this weekend. Should be fun....but no waxing classes such as the one described in the above link. Damn it, why does everyone else get to have all the fun?

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Sweet and the Gross......

How cute is this puppy?!!!!! Thanks to Liz for this photo of darling Little Leo. He is so much bigger than this now. This was taken a month ago at SatanFest.

Oh, and thanks to Pisser for this! Now how gross and fun is that! So now everyone can practice their waxing techniques! If only I had this when I was in school!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Curse of the Evil Spawn........

So lets see what has happened since Saturday:

Went to see Hil and Liz on Saturday. Went shopping with Liz and Jen. Went over to Hil's house and waited for her to come home from the CAbi party. She called while I was on my way to her house asking if it was ok that evil spawn and baby sitter was still there. I could either hang out with them, or relieve baby sitter of her evil spawn duties. Uh, thats not gonna happen. So baby sitter and evil spawn hung out back in the bedrooms while I read magazines until Hil and CAbi chicka came home. (Liz had to leave me as she had a family outing at Benny Hana's she had to go to)......Liz did show up later that eve for drinks and chit chat......

Sunday rolled around and had brunch at a cool little resturant down by the ocean. Evil Spawn of course screamed and cried through most of it. Went back to Hil's house and helped get ready for the CAbi party ( this party is the one that Liz had previously spent $2000 at, which at the time I couldn't understand why....) Clothes were actually pretty cool. Found a really cool jacket, and a sweater. Woo Hoo. Another evil spawn girl entered the picture somewhere in the early afternoon. The evil spawn and I went rounds (yes, I can go rounds with a 4 year old.....) about a star wars dvd. I think he may have put a curse on me........

You see, back on Halloween Hil came down with the evil spawn 24 hour puking disease. Evil spawn had acquired it the previous week, and past it along to Hil. She told us about her pukefest on Saturday evening.

So Monday morning comes around. I am sitting on the couch. So happy I have Monday off. Starting to watch Regis and Kelly (why in gods name I don't know....) and took a sip of my coffee........moments later........oh my god, I think I am gonna spew...........went running to the bathroom just in the nicky of time as my one sip of coffee and everything else in my being came rip roaring out of me......and continued to do so on the hour every hour until 3:30 pm that afternoon. Satan did come home to look after me as when he called about 1:30pm he said I sounded funny......oh, just been having a date with Mr. Porcelain most of the day......so he came home right as my last puking finished.........the rest of the eve was sprent going in and out of a coma on the couch. Waking up to major back pain and stomach pains.

Tuesday I woke up feeling much better, although I have only eaten a bowl of chicken soup and 2 pieces of toast for the whole entire day. Grocery shopping was difficult, Satan was kind enough to stay home with me to help out, otherwise, we would still have no food in this house.

So was it the curse of the Evil Spawn, or was it the fact that Regis and Kelly actually made me sick to my stomach??????????

Friday, November 04, 2005

Certified Crazy

First of all, thanks to Mz. Chicken for coming out to the West Coast and hanging with me and the ditzy hairdressers! Hope they amused you as much as they always seem to amuse me!

Still not much happenin' here. However, I did realize today why Satan and I moved way out here in the middle of nowhere,......so the neighbors will never know how truly insane I am.
Can you imagine if we did live in Suburbia and the nosey neighbor heard this from the other side of the fence:

"Leo, please don't eat the puke on the floor......"
"Spirit, for god's sake, stop humping your sister......"
"You boys are not coming inside until you poop and pee out here......"
"Willow, for god's sake, stop humping your brother......"
"Satan, its your turn to feed the kids", " no its not I fed them last night, its your turn" "no its not, I fed them last night.....or did I ?"
"Leo, please take the dead mouse out of your mouth......"
"Willow, would you please stop bringing dried turds into this house!"
"Satan do you want to eat the last eyeball, or can I have it?"

Just another day in the life here at the coven......................

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Please Keep Your Snoring to A Minimum When Reading This Post....

Tried to post yesterday, but it kept rejecting my post. So needless to say even blogger thinks I am way to boring to print.

Nothing happening here. The rain is coming so I am in a funk at this point. I think it also maybe PMS showing up. Oh great.

So here is a rundown of what excitement has happened since last wednesday:

had a busy Thursday-Saturday at work last week
went grocery shopping to the "new" Safeway. They just updated everything, and had mega sampling everywhere, so every free-loader in a 20 mile radius of Safeway was out eating free shit and wouldn't get out of my way.

took my inlaws to the airport on Halloween. So my halloween was spent mostly in my car as an airport shuttle.

Went on a Dog-igloo quest as the pups are getting to be too big for one Dog-igloo, so went to Target, Petco and Wallyworld trying to find the one we purchased originally. Target didn't have any, Petco was way overpriced, so ended up at Wallyworld where I remembered they did have them. Only to have poor Satan go back last night to exchange the one I bought, as there were broken pieces. Motherfuckers.

Took too much Nyquil last night, as I thought I was coming down with a cold, so O.D'ed on it at 6pm, and by 7pm I was fast asleep on the couch. Where I don't even remember getting up and going to bed. But somehow I got there, as that is where I woke up this morning.

Thats it kids. And you wonder why I haven't posted for a week. My life is one bore after another.