Monday, February 28, 2005

Stealing Is As Stealing Does

Stolen from Jen who stole from chicken who stole from someone get the picture

I AM: pissed off at the moment.
I HAVE: Issues!
I WISH: I would win the lottery!
I HATE: My Job ( I actually hate it more than children at the moment,: and friends thats a lot!)
I FEAR: staying at this job forever!
I HEAR:Satan watching wrestling on tv....and my dog chewing on a chew stick.
I WONDER: Why I always get people pissing me off right on que during pms week!
I REGRET: not starting school sooner
I LOVE: Satan, my dogs, my sistas, my home, sleeping, SHOES!!
I ALWAYS: wear black. Gee thats a shocker..
I AM NOT: A helpless female!
I DANCE: all the time, even when I don't realize I am doing it (just ask Mangey or Rantboy, or Satan!)
I SING: very badly, but loudly in my car, in the house, and annoy people all the time by it!
I CRY:in private, as I absolutely hate crying, and reserve it for those that are closest to me!

KEEP A DIARY: Yes, both here on the blog, and in a book.
HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: WEll, It wouldn't be a secret then would it!
HAVE A CRUSH: Yes, but they are always with rock stars...
WANT TO GET MARRIED: Uh, I already am....
GET MOTION SICKNESS: Yes, in cars going to fast around bends.
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: I used to be, now I am just a freak!

COLOR: black and if I must,,,,purple
DAY: The day I graduate school and quit my fuckin job!
MONTH: April
SONG: Disposable Teens/ Marilyn Manson
SEASON: Spring and Fall
DRINK: Coffee

Friday, February 25, 2005

Mom Always Said, Don't Play Ball In The House.....

I think I have a theme running this week. When did I turn into my mother? Or is it that I have been my mother for awhile, and I only just realized it now that I am back at school with girls who are between the ages of 17-22....and I shudder to say....I am old enough to be their mothers!!

Today these girls are just fucking annoying. Talking really loud about nothing....Nothing!! For gods sake, shut the fuck up!! Do you talk just to hear yourself?????? Or do you talk so it shuts out the sound of air that rushes between your ears??? (Is that the ocean I can hear, when I put my ear up to your head.....)

And then, they look at you like they are so worldly wise, have seen it all, done it all....oh yeah...your 17, I remember feeling like that too.

They think I am a raving lunatic. They still really dont' have a concept of what PMS really is!!! Maybe I am acting this way you young whipper snappers because my raging PMS hormones are older than yours!!

Can I just tell you the other reason I don't want children?? They grow up to be teenagers!! Fuck! I thought the crying, screaming, yelling, trying to get attention, phase was for the early childhood years, now I am seeing it continues on into the late teens and beyond!!!! Where is my hermit cave to go and crawl into??

Oh yeah, and this one says today.....I used to be so fat...the other one says...really, what is the heaviest you've ever been? 152....! She is now probably 115, if that...

Wait till you get to be 37 sweetness, and 152 is your goal weight........

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

You Know You Are Old When......

We practiced at school today for the state board test. We did the practical portion, on those friggin doll heads, but I think as I have been around them for nearly 5 months now, me and the doll heads have made peace.

Anyway, the cute 17 year old girl next to me realized I am old and senile. I didn't realize I was talking to my doll head.......yeah, it was early in the morning, I wasn't like having a full on conversation with the dh mind you, just more like talking to myself (yeah that is bad enough) in turn talking to the dh, I think I was walking myself through the steps that we have to do for state board, and I tend to be a little to the 17 year old: oops, you mean that wasn't in my head?

Next, we break for lunch, and I have to go to work, and in the afternoon they were going to go over false eyelashes and I say to no one in particular (being old and senile, I tend to just ramble to anyone who maybe eavesdropping on my own conversation to myself and doll head), damn, as usual, I will miss the whole make up 17 year old says, will your husband let you practice makeup on him, or will he absolutely refuse? I say to her, uh, no he won't mind......being a youth in the 80's he was way into glam he used to do his own she says, "oh , I just love that old 80's punk rock stuff...." ok, not really punk rock, but ok.....more like Poison....... And she just stares at me, Poison? I never have heard of Poison....... ok.......I am so old....and yeah, you could be my daughter, now come to think of it.....great.....ok, well, this old senile woman who talks to doll heads is going to work now......

Monday, February 21, 2005

I Got The Ways and Means To New Orleans..

Got stuck in a down pour today with out rain coat or umbrella. By the time I got to my car, my pants felt like I had pissed all over myself.....oh what fun....then the thunder and lightening came....luckily I missed the hail that were reportedly coming down too....

So what is a girl to do but go Makeup shopping at Sephora to make the time pass while it is storming outside.....lets see, got some new mascara, a new spring eyeshadow pallet, some eyeshadow applicators (that is for school), and a new candle that smells like cut grass....not grass as in freshly cut ganja, but cut grass as in lawn grass...............

Liz and I are planning our October trip to New Orleans......sounds like it will be a hoot! Satan will be coming with us, we are still trying to get Mangey and Rant boy on board with us. Liz has found a cool hotel to stay at in the french quarter...and as we will be there on Halloween, we shall be going to the Vampyre ball, which I soo can't wait for!! And then on Liz' birthday we will go on the swamp tour that she so wants to go on! I must start saving money now, as I know Satan and I will be buying so many new items for around the house!! Oh and for the Halloween bash, Liz is going to be Satan and I's victim!! Oh what fun! She wants to be a princess, and I said only if you can be our victim will we allow you to be a princess. So I don't know if she is planning on being a disney princess or some other sort of princess, I only know she will have to look dead to be with us, and also have strategic vampyre bites on her...She also wants to be chained to Satan and I.....oh dear Liz, this so can be arranged!!!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

The Wax, the Condom, Dead Squished Kermit, and Jesus

Today at school we learned how to do parrafin wax facials and also hand treatments. It is really amazing how smooth your hand feels after the wax comes off. It was kinda creepy though as when you dip your hand in the wax it looks like a manniquen hand coming out of the wax. Also rolling it off the hand was odd. It was like pulling off a condom.

And of course Jen had to email me and others that it is national condom month. (was it month or was it day?) So happy condom month or day or week! So Jen if you come to get your facial on Saturday, I could give you a condom (er Parrafin) hand wax!

What other exciting things do I have to tell you all? Hmmm,,, let see, Willow decided to roll in a dead frog at 5:15 am this morning. I was just coming back from my walk in the darkness with my girls, let them off the leash, turn off my flash light as I walk down the driveway, and what do I hear......the sound of scuffing along the driveway...what the fuck is that noise.....turn back on flash light to see Willow with butt in the air face turned down sideways on ground just having a good ol' trying to sound tough whispering at a dog to get off of the frog isn't exactly doing the trick, so running at her made her first I didn't know what she had rolled in...only to see squished pancaked frog lying in driveway....hmmm, did we run over the frog last night on the way in, or is Willow that strong with her rollling that she flattened the poor frog....oh yeah, and dead squished frog smell on a dog at that hour of the morning is not the most pleasant. So she was marched into the house and squirted with lavender shower gel and a wet least the lavender will mask the smell of dead kermit.......

Oh yeah, and it seems that Jesus came to the door while we were out today and left a calling card trying to get us to call for a free tape about him....luckily the hounds of hell were protecting the coven while we were out....however, Satan is off tomorrow, so he is hoping Jesus and his followers will return for a follow up....

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


I tried writing about this topic the other day, but it just wouldn't come out in speaking with Mangey, she said to try it here it goes....

In my 20's I definitely used my superpowers for evil not good. What superpower am I talking about?? Well, if you have been keeping up with Mangey and I you know we come from a lineage of witches and wizards. And in my 20's I liked to abuse my powers of releasing evil on select individuals that I believe had done me wrong.....nowadays kids, I know this is not good, as Karma is always always at work, and I have been on the receiving end a number of times of my own bad Karma (or mojo if you prefer). I haven't released real evil since turning 30, so 7 years without seriously releasing evil is a record for me.....

So here is a selection of curses that I released on my intended victims that did the trick, only to find out, it came back to me as well:

Curse One: Old boyfriend. Young Lust is a deadly thing, especially when someone lets me go. I was young, in lust and couldn't believe I had just been dumped. So Curses to you old boyfriend....I cursed that he would never get the one thing he loved and longed be in famous rock band and go down in history as a guitar god.........and so my cursed worked....his band is a has been 80's band who will be forever and ever be lived out on VH1 Classics Metal Mania....which periodically their one video gets played on there....which Satan and I still have a good laugh at...and oh yeah, his guitar god vision, the last I heard he was still teaching guitar lessons to zitty teenage boys at the local guitar store........

Curse Two: Old Manager. I was working for a cosmetic company that shall remain nameless...but my favorite manager at the time left and what we got instead was a blond fembot. She worked out more on her body that she did work at work. And I hated her. She hated me too, and tried to make my life a living Curses to you Fembot Manager! May you become fat and ugly and hate your job.......and Shazam! It happened....most amusing to see her waddle around the cosmetic counter bursting out of her used to be hot clothes!!

Curse Three: Psycho-Coworker. After leaving above mentioned cosmetic company, I was working for another cosmetic company that had a position available in upper management. Everyone that I had spoken with had said, I was a shoe in for the job (even the chick that left the position, told me, that I was perfect for the job, and she had left an outstanding recommendation for me!).....well evil psycho coworker who I used to work with in above mentioned company, decided to go behind my back and ass kiss her way into the Curses to you Psycho Coworker- may you fail misserably at this new job, and when you are forced to leave everyone will hate you for the lousy job you did!!!.......and yes, this happened too! Last I heard she was a lonely department manager at one of the worst cosmetic departments around.....and no one still likes her!!!

Curse Four: Butthead. This was Mangeys old boyfriend. How I hated this guy. And how he hated me. Without going into too much detail (as not to bring up bad memories for Mangey) I cursed him nearly every day that he was with Mangey.....the main Curses! I gave him was that he would wander the earth aimlessly from place to place, never having any friends to help him out, no one to turn to when he was down, and that when he would finally reach hell, he would rot there for all of eternity! Well, as Mangey will agree, he hasn't been seen or heard from since 93, I think it was, so hopefully he is wandering the earth, or better yet rotting in hell......

However, like I said all these curses did come with my own bad Karma coming back to me. So I no longer curse people, if they do me wrong, or another wrong, I just have faith, that there own Karma will come back to them. So as I leave you today, I will leave you with the Wiccan law that I have been practicing since becoming 30:

Bide the Wiccan Law ye must, In perfect Love, In perfect Trust.
Eight Words the Wiccan Rede fulfill:
An ye harm none, do as ye will
And ever mind the Rule of Three:
What ye send out, comes back to Thee.
Follow this with mind and heart,
and merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Ka Boom Ka Boom

VaLeNtInEs DaY 2005

Lets see.......when I was single I hated Valentines Day. All those people in love made me want to Vomit. Now that I have been married for nearly 12 years, Valentines day is just another day. No I am not being evil, (or maybe I am) I just realize, that you don't really need to get someone something on this day if you show your love to them throughout the year. I do realize that not everyone does this, and for them they need this day. And hallmark definitely needs this day to make their sales quota.

So for this valentines day what is on the agenda.....well, Satan is sick, (not as in your sick dude, but in really sick, coughing, sneezing, flem get the picture) so not the love fest you would normally want on this Vday, however, this day will be spent making some chicken soup for the dear boy, and making sure he gets rid of his cold, making sure he drinks plenty of liquids, making sure he is getting his rest and sleeping, sounds like I have turned into his mother (but oh yeah, that is part of being a wife isn't it??)

So to all of you out there who are looking for your true love, don't fret this day, as true love is out there, you don't need this day to find it. True love weathers the storms, has its ups and downs, is there in the really good times as well as the worst of times. You know it in your heart everyday that it is there. It is in the small stuff of everyday life that you see true love working.

So to my VaLeNtInE on Valentines Day, Here is a song lyric I stole from Mr. M. Manson for you on this day:

Nothing in this world is for real
Except you are for me, and
I am so yours.....

Kaboom Kaboom

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Desert Island Discs

As I was watching Lost last night somethings bug me about that come no one gets their clothes dirty or ripped?? And the chicks still have nicely groomed eyebrows??? Yeah, they have some of their stuff from the crash, but to have their clothes nice and pressed looking, I just don't believe...................................

Anyway, while watching the show, the fat dude walked by with his walkman on, and it got me to thinking what I would want to be listening to if I were stranded on a desert island with a bunch of people I couldn't stand......I would probably be the female version of the dude that steals things and people don't like..................anyway here is a list of a few tunes I would want with me if I were there in my nice pressed clothes and my freshly waxed eyebrows:

1. Lest We Forget - Marilyn Manson, I would have to have my dear Marilyn on the island with me, and Lest We Forget has a nice cross section of all his cds. And who else can I be evil with, if I don't have Mr. Manson?

2. Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me - The Cure, I would have to have some music to be depressed with, and no one does depression quite like Robert Smith.

3. To Steps From the Move - Hanoi Rocks. What can I say, me lurves me some Michael Monroe, and you need to be reminded of a hot boy while being on this god forsaken island with these assholes!

4.Ladies and Gentlemen, the Best of George Michael- George Michael.....what can I say, a girl needs to dance doesn't she??

5.Wild Heart- Stevie Nicks - gots to have me some Stevie tunes when feelin a little witchy...

6.Vision Thing - Sisters of Mercy - you have to have a goth club somewhere on this island....

7. The Downward Spiral- Nine Inch Nails - like I said, you got to have a goth club somewhere on this island...

8. Nude - Dead or Alive.....I can't survive without my sweetie Peetie Burns!! Just need to have his old face back and we are in business! And anyway, we can't have George here by himself without someone can we??

9.Too Fast For Love - Motley Crue......hey you know there is bound to be a moment when you were wishing it was 1983 again.............

10.Brand New Day - Sting - just really like this album, er, I mean cd....

11. Hits - Joni Mitchell - again, just really like this album, er, cd...and there is bound to be some mellow down time somewhere on the island.....

12. The Crow Soundtrack - it can't rain all the time......

13. Pandoras Box - Aerosmith - has all those classic Aerosmith tunes you will ever need

14. Faster Pussycat - Faster Pussycat - what can I say my glam days will be coming back to me on the island as I think about the club days with Mangey.....

15.Bloodletting - Concrete Blonde - you were a vampire and baby I'm the walking dead....

16. It's A Kinda Magic - Queen - there will be a day on this island when I feel like singing at the top of my lungs pretending I can sing like Freddie....

17.Hellbilly Deluxe - Rob Zombie - with songs like: Spookshow baby, Living Dead Girl, and How to Make A Monster.....what other cd do think I should have?

18.Dead Letters -The Rasmus - when I am feeling vacation sick for England.....thats when I first heard them.

19. Youth Gone Wild - Skid Row- what can I say another hot blond man with some serious pipes, and when I need my 80's flash back again...or was this the early 90's.....those drunken days are rather hazy.....

20. AntiChrist Superstar - Marilyn Manson - Had to do a full circle didn't I??

now don't tell me I forgot to pack my life long battery supply for my walkman.........

Monday, February 07, 2005

Smells Like Children

as Pisser wanted to hear the story, I shudder as I write this just thinking about what happened yesterday:

Yesterday was my one and only day off, so it was spent lounging around in the morning, hanging out with Liz, starting my seedlings for this coming years veggie garden, taking many naps on the couch, while Satan watched the super bowl.......

So I am sitting on the couch next to Satan, and we start talking about waxing, and that he will actually let me wax his eyebrows (not girl like, just clean up the evil brows) so I am all excited as I have been asking for months now if I could practice on him, so finally the day is here!!! I get out my wax pot, and am getting everything ready.....when there is a knock at the door.............

It is about 5:00pm, and I am thinking, who the fuck is at our front door, seen as how nobody comes down our driveway (you can't see our house from the street), so I look through the window, to see our neighbors standing there are smiling with a cooler full o' beer, and EVIL GIRL SPAWN with toys!!!!!! Oh god, there is nowhere to hide, Satan has opened the door and evil girl spawn is beginning to run amuck in my house!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I am thinking in my head, oh Satan, you are soooo dead when they leave, as you conveniently forgot to tell me you had invited them over!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I am in my grubby laundry day sweats and I haven't washed my hair, no makeup (gee I am the epitome of sexy at that moment) and I am thinking I haven't even been grocery shopping today, so there is nothing to feed these people......

Anyway, they sit down, and I think ok, I could be totally evil, and go in my office and close the door, but that wouldn't be too good, as we do have our neighbors look after our girls when we are on vacation, so I better be nice vampy...... so I go and sit by Satan on the couch, and give him the evil eye as I walk by to sit down....he of course is oblivious to my evil glare as he is chatting with dude chick neighbor is trying to corral evil girl spawn as she is running around picking up all the skulls that are at evil girl spawn height. She then tries to pick up the candles that are at evil girl spawn height (no they weren't lit, damn!)

And now, what is this, Satan and dude neighbor decide to go out on our back deck and have a smoke, leaving me to make small talk (which I do not do, because I hate it, and I am not good at it either) with chick neighbor and evil girl spawn. So we try and chat about my freakish work and school hours, but most of the time is spent watching chick neighbor run up and down my house after evil girl spawn......(what the fuck Satan, don't leave me here in the house with this!!)

So they finally come back inside, and after about an hour they decide that evil girl spawn is too much and they should be going....(uh, yeah).....

As you can imagine, after they left, I said to Satan:
Me:, what the fuck???? Do you think you could tell me next time you invite people over!!!!! Satan: But I did tell you........
Me: When??? I think I would have remembered if you told me that there would be an evil spawn in my house!!
Satan: Oh, yeah, hmmmm, well I thought I told you.........
Me: You will pay Satan, you will pay...
Satan: (smiles an evil grin and laughs)

Oh by the way Satan, remember the waxing......yeah, well, I didn't forget......and the wax is nice and ready now.....muhahahahahahhahahhaah!!!!!!!!!

*****coven photos have been updated******

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Show Us Your Tits!!!

Liz came up for the weekend, she came to my school on Saturday and got her monthly facial (ok, jen you are over due....) and then we spent the evening with loaded brownies and watching Shawn of the Dead.

This morning got up and fed the birds, Liz was amazed at how many birds we have in our yard. Wanted to know what the pointy head birds were. This was our conversation:

Liz: What are those birds?

Vampy: They are tits.
Liz:They're what?

Vampy:They're tits. Tit mice.
Liz:Are they mice or are they birds?

Vampy: They are birds but there name is Tit mouse. But there are also grey tits, and blue tits, bush tits, there is even a great tit.

Liz: (stares in amazement at the tit feeding frenzy going on at the bird table.....)

So as blogger commenting area has sucked for a while, I now have halo scan on my blog!! I have hidden all my past comments (thanks jen for showing me how!) so as not to confuse you or I for that matter on where to comment if you feel like hopefully it will make life easier here at the Coven when needing to comment! (oh, and Mangey, the comments for this post are under the dotted line....)

Hmm, now for some real Sunday excitement....time to pay some bills........

Saturday, February 05, 2005

To Halo Scan, or Not To Halo Scan...

ok, just installed halo scan, but it looks like I have two places to comment its up to you, to halo scan or not to halo scan.....what will you do????

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Imbolg Eve

Imbolg Eve

In Celtic times, the day was considered to begin at dusk the preceding night, so all major celebrations would commence the night before the day of the festival, much as New Year festivities start on its eve.

Also called Imbolc, Oimelc and Candlemas, this is the festival of Bride or Bridget. It celebrates the Goddess's transformation from Crone to Maiden and heralds the coming Spring and the change from dark to light. One of the ways to celebrate this is with a Circle of lights.

Everyone gathers in a Circle, lit only by a single black candle; the wick should be trimmed to give the smallest of flames. Each person has an unlit white candle. When everyone is ready someone says, "this is the festival of Imbolg and the first signs of returning life tell us that Spring is on its way. Let us light the path for the new season and say farewell to the old. Blessed Be" They light their white candle from the black one, state something they wish for in the coming season, and extinguish the black candle. Going around the group Deosil, each person states their own hopes and lights their candle from that of the person next to them. When all the candles are lit, everyone says together, "We welcome the Goddess as Maiden. We welcome the signs of new life. We welcome the coming Spring. Blessed Be." The candles can be placed somewhere safe to burn whilst everone enjoys a feast or, if this not a family celebration, they may be extinguished and taken home to bring Spring into everyone's home.

_____The Real Witches Year___
by Kate West

to all my witches and wizards out there, make sure you light your candles tonight!! And make sure to take down any and all left over Yule Greenery in your house, or it may be bad luck for the coming year!!