Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Seeing Things

I have noticed a pattern about myself. I have noticed it for awhile, but again this month, it has really been apparent. What am I talking about....Well my clairvoyance, seems to be at its peak during pms. I know that I am from a family of "see-ers", as grandmother used to channel and do readings all the time. Anyway, in the past week, the following has occurred:

1. Had a really bazaar dream about my coworker the other night, the night before she went to the doctor for her checkup. In the dream I saw her get shot through the heart (not by Bon Jovi mind you) . I wasn't there in the dream, I just saw her get shot. It was rather upsetting as you can imagine. I even woke up from this dream in gasps and was on the verge of tears.

So as you can imagine, I called coworker the next day, but she didn't return my call. I called her again the next day, still no answer. I finally spoke with her on Monday, and she said everything was fine. So I am thinking, ok, its just a freaky dream.....Then on Tuesday, I spoke with her again. She said that during her checkup she had an e.k.g. done....Just routine, the doc says....But the he called her on Tuesday to tell her it looks like she has had a heart attack......Ok, now my dream makes sense.....

2. My fellow student at school is coming in and out of the class room having a frantic look round, she had walked in and put her book bag down. Comes in and out again, relooking through book bag......" What are you looking for" I say to her......."My glasses, I just waxed this woman, and I put my glasses down...Now I can't find them".........So I look at her book bag, and say to her, " they are in there" pointing to her makeup bag that is sitting in her book bag. " but I didn't put them in there, I didn't bring that in there" she says. "humor me please, they are in there." "ok, she says, but you look, because I know they aren't in there." "ok," I say...And proceed to unzip makeup bag.....And there at the bottom are her glasses. "Are these them?" I ask....She looks at me quite oddly...."How did you know?" "don't ask......" I tell her.

3. Supposed to meet up with boss today. It is my day to have her ride along with me. I usually don't go to school on these days, as the day is so long and tiring I can't do both. But this morning, I wake up at usual going to school time, and get ready for school, knowing I have to be with boss today. I get to school and keep my phone out. Usually I put it away in my bag, and check messages at the break. I knew I would be meeting up with boss at 11am at a designated account....But still know that I need to keep my phone out. I know she will be calling me to cancel. I just know it. Even though we confirmed everything last night. I know that phone is going to ring. And sure enough at the time I thought, the phone rings, its her, no she won't be meeting with me today as she had something come up she needs to attend to.

Now if only I could get a feeling like I was going to win the lottery.....

And last but not least, there are two new students that started class about two weeks ago. I noticed when I am around this one student, I feel myself getting really really angry. So I have to go in another room away from her, and sure enough, feeling goes away. Now I don't know her, haven't spoken with her much, and she doesn't seem to be strange in anyway. But I have tested this a few times, I have found myself getting that angry feeling, I turn around, and low and behold she has walked in the room. The other day we were practicing our facials, and she came over and asked me a question, when she did, I felt like I was going to punch her. It was the oddest feeling. And then the other day when she came over and tapped me on the shoulder to ask me something again, and the energy that I felt zap my back was bazaar. The only other time I have felt that was when mangey was being chased by a ghost and the ghost ran into me as Mangey walked by me. So there is something definitely strange with that chick's mojo.....

Saturday, March 26, 2005

What Do You Do With A Handful of Pubes?

Yesterday at school I had the woman I had to give nearly a full body wax in again. Last time she wasn't too hairy....this time...................................sasquatch had entered the building.

And it was full leg, stomach, bikini, underarm...............

So I had one of my fellow students help me out otherwise, I think I would still be there ripping wax off this lady. Now, this lady is rather nice, just real quite and shy I think. But how shy can you be when you want a bikini wax.......

So me and fellow student are waxing away, and then we come to the bikini area.....pubes for days are coming out of underwear..................

We look at each other, ok, we can get through this.....

We start waxing, and more stray pubes keep coming out of undies....fuck man....is it like the clown car of pubes that just keep coming out of undies or what....so fellow student says, we need to get the scissors.......

So she gives me the scissors....ok, but you are gonna have to hold the pubes while I cut.......

Once we started cutting, the look on fellow student's face was hilarious, she is standing there holding a handful of pubes. I don't know how I controlled the laughter.....she then excuses herself, and I am thinking, man she didn't leave me to finish here by myself did she......

She comes back, ready for round two...we both have gloves on, but the image of her holding someone elses pubes in her hand with this look on her face that she can't believe what she is doing was priceless.

I still can't stop laughing about this yet, as I still chuckle now as I write this.

Just another day in the life of a Beauty School Student.....

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Beware of the Low Carb Diet......

Now I must warn all of you this is pretty gross......I am ashamed to admit I had to do this.....however, Liz will probably really enjoy this:


Monday morning, I go and have my morning sit on the toilet after Satan has left for work. No big deal, just the usual morning movements happening......or so I thought.

As I get up to flush, I scream in horror to find that I haven't just done the morning terds, oh no, Mount Poopulous has erupted out of my ass! So I go to flush...nothing happens....flush again, nothing happens, flush, and flush and flush...by the tenth time, still nothing! The water has gone down each time, but Mt. Poopulous doesn't budge.....

By this time, I am running late for work.....I am starting to sweat, what the fuck am I going to do.....then my youngest dog comes in, wagging her tail, she seems to be saying with her doggie look, "oooh Pooop!!!"

However, she does give me an idea.....I go out to the kitchen and get a pooper scooper dog bag....and pooper scoop my own poop out of the toilet....how humiliating....

And now what the fuck do I do with this...and wholly shit (no pun intended) its heavy..its like 2 1/2 pounds!! So I double bag it (that would be too gross and a scene from Train Spotting comes to mind with sheets) as not to have exploding shits out of bag.....

Oh god, wheres the garbage bin?? Oh fuck, it is up the driveway, for it is garbage day...hmm,, has the garbage man been already??

So I sit poop bag outside while I finish getting ready for work.....

Now I am finished getting ready and I head outside, hmmm, this poop bag isn't coming in the car with me, but i have to drive up the driveway to the garbage...so poop bag gets to ride on the top of my car down the driveway.....as I approach the garbage can I look in my rearview mirror to see the poop bag starting to slide off of the back of the car! NOOOOOOO!

So I jump out in the nick of time to catch the bag, and chuck Mt. Poopulous in the garbage....poor garbage man, sorry to have a vile bag of poo to greet you as you open up the garbage today.........

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Liz and Vampys Loaded Brownie Experience...Kinda like the Jimmy Hendrix Experience...................

Go Ahead....oh huhhh huhhh.,...I thought liz told me to write that..................at the moment...we both took some loaded brownies.....and its amazing I can type really correctly.......or even form sentences looking like a character from George Lucas' Star Wars....liz wanted to know why I put george lucas' name before Star Wars, and I was just showing off my clarity. Yay.

Liz: wow, fancy words...your not going to make me recite this again are you?
me: huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhui
liz: dude their not going to know that we went over the whole thing, their not going to get that dude, its gonna sound all lame and psycho...yes, there ya go.. we have to think of a title.
me: yeah. ooh look, i spelled that right.
us: huhuhuhuh huhuhuh.....
liz: no because, we can kind of cut and paste cut and paste cut and paste....


Me: anything else we want to say?
liz: no.............
Me: ok, how we gonna end it?
Liz: just say that..
me: (****staring**********)
liz: dude, youre using the keyboard like a weejee board...
me: hehehehe
Liz: thats not how you spell wee jee....
me: its good enough...
Liz: its like weeeeeehhhhggjgjeeeeee.......we can think of a definitiion for that spelling of weejee dude...we should.
me: ok, what s the definitiion:?
Liz: younosay
Me; thats the definition?
Liz: no its not yoko ono...
Me: i didn't say yoko ono
liz; i know but it looks like it (pointng to computer,,.,,then laughs puts down head)....
Me; but I didn't ....
Liz: but ya did right there
Me; yeah what did you just say....
Liz: I said dude, lets play speed, do you have any cards?
Me: oh...I thought you just said somehting in french..
Liz: do i have a stutter or what?
Me; hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Like Thumbs They Were........

So I had to teach how to do two different types of masks today at one of my accounts. There were models. And when I get there one model I will be putting the mask on is claustophobic, and the mask has to cover her entire face, eyes, nose and mouth....so she said she wanted to do this, it was her fear factor moment.....she actually ended up really enjoying the mask and was really happy that she got to be the model...

ok, next model, next mask........


It was a rubberizing mask with firming benefits to it....ok, model says she wants her boobs done.....ok.........so this afternoon was spent spreading a mask over some very large breasteses. The mask hardens and you have to put your hands on either side of the area that you have spread the mask (usually this is either side of the face, but for this, it was either side of the breasteses) and wiggle back and forth so the mask lets go of its suction......

Then after this you place warm towels over the area where the mask was and wipe off the excess....and of course the mask decided to stick to her tits.........have you ever had to wipe off stuck on mask to tits?? Its not as easy as you think.....

When I got home I tell Satan, ahhh, I bet you wish you were me today..

Satan: why?
Me: I had to mask someones breasts today.
Satan: (stares at me...)
Me: And they were quite large as well...
Satan: You Suck.......

Monday, March 14, 2005

Eeewwwee That Smell...Can't You Smell That Smell....

I was up in Eureka today seeing one of my accounts. How come the whole town smells like piss? No wonder people walk around with a pissed off look on their faces up there, I would too if I had to smell that all day. It seriously smelled like driving through the largest public toilet in the world. I think the stench is coming from the bay. Is that where their sewage goes to? Eeeuuwww!!!

At least it was a nice day to drive through the redwoods. There was no one on the road at all so it was very peaceful. Only the piss city tore me out of my peaceful bliss.

In other news, it was so windy last night! Wholly shit! I thought that there was a tornadeo coming through the house. Willow was growling like something was out on the back deck, as you could here all this shit being blown all over the place. Satan is blistfully sleeping next to me, nothing can wake this man! So I get up and peer out the blinds to see what is going on out there and to my horror I see all the seeds I had planted just that day being blown all over the place...cucumber seeds, sunflowers, and gords being tossed from one end of the deck to the other! So here I am at 2:30 in the morning chasing these airborn seeds all over the deck......and Satan just keeps on sleeping on and on and on....whats that saying about waking the dead? I think the dead would be awake long before Satan decides to wake up!

Friday, March 11, 2005

What Messed Up Barbie Are You?

Yes, my friends, it has been a slow week......





Exotic Dancer
You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by

Monday, March 07, 2005

Down In The Dirt............

Not much to report about.....this weekend was great as the sun was out and it was nearly 80 degrees up here! Satan and I went to a garden place on Sunday and bought two really cool trees for our backyard! One is called a weeping cherry tree. It should be way cool when full grown. We planted it so it will hang over the pond.

Also bought some seeds for my veggie garden. So was out pulling weeds and seeding my veggie garden.

So it was a very nature like weekend we had. There is no drama when you are out with nature. The only drama I had was that the hummingbird feeders were empty for a couple of days, so I was in a panic thinking my hummingbirds had gone. But no, once feeders were back up and running, the little dudes were back!

Today we are having a huge pile o' dirt being delivered. So once that is delivered think I will say goodbye to my office day and head out back and become one with the dirt...............

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Come Sail Away With Me.....................

Twenty years from now you'll be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones that you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

__________Mark Twain___________

As I was sitting in class to day looking through a spa magazine, I came across an article that started off with the quote above. I just thought it was pretty interesting and very true. So I better start making the next 20 years worthwhile.

This week has been pretty uneventful, hence my lack of blogging, and the only thing that has been of irritation has been work. I think I was meant to see that quote today. So just in case someone else out there needed it, I thought I would pass it along............................