Beware of the Low Carb Diet......

Now I must warn all of you this is pretty gross......I am ashamed to admit I had to do this.....however, Liz will probably really enjoy this:


Monday morning, I go and have my morning sit on the toilet after Satan has left for work. No big deal, just the usual morning movements happening......or so I thought.

As I get up to flush, I scream in horror to find that I haven't just done the morning terds, oh no, Mount Poopulous has erupted out of my ass! So I go to flush...nothing happens....flush again, nothing happens, flush, and flush and flush...by the tenth time, still nothing! The water has gone down each time, but Mt. Poopulous doesn't budge.....

By this time, I am running late for work.....I am starting to sweat, what the fuck am I going to do.....then my youngest dog comes in, wagging her tail, she seems to be saying with her doggie look, "oooh Pooop!!!"

However, she does give me an idea.....I go out to the kitchen and get a pooper scooper dog bag....and pooper scoop my own poop out of the toilet....how humiliating....

And now what the fuck do I do with this...and wholly shit (no pun intended) its heavy..its like 2 1/2 pounds!! So I double bag it (that would be too gross and a scene from Train Spotting comes to mind with sheets) as not to have exploding shits out of bag.....

Oh god, wheres the garbage bin?? Oh fuck, it is up the driveway, for it is garbage day...hmm,, has the garbage man been already??

So I sit poop bag outside while I finish getting ready for work.....

Now I am finished getting ready and I head outside, hmmm, this poop bag isn't coming in the car with me, but i have to drive up the driveway to the garbage...so poop bag gets to ride on the top of my car down the driveway.....as I approach the garbage can I look in my rearview mirror to see the poop bag starting to slide off of the back of the car! NOOOOOOO!

So I jump out in the nick of time to catch the bag, and chuck Mt. Poopulous in the garbage....poor garbage man, sorry to have a vile bag of poo to greet you as you open up the garbage today.........