Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Wrapped in Plastic..........

I escaped Jury duty. Which would have been kinda cool to do, if I was still with a company that I could be on salary for. However, now being a Self Employed kinda chick, I can't take time off for frivolities such as Jury Duty.

I would have been able to sit in on a MURDER trial too. Of all the dumb luck....why was it when I was on salary and got called for jury duty, all the good trials went to the others, and I just got to sit in a room with 200 other shmucks waiting to see if I would get picked....

And now that I need to work, I get a Death and Distruction trial.....figures......

So anyway, besides my exciting Monday life of hangin at the court house all friggin day waiting for the judge to spare me of my civic duties.......nothing else exciting happening......

Oh yeah, I did a cellulite wrap on a client yesterday....she actually lost some inches too! I got to spread mud all over her, then wrap her in cellophane, then wrap her in a thermal blanket for 20 minutes.....and I got paid for this......quite cool. I took her measurements before and after, and it did show she sweated out those she said she would be back to get a series of these treatments done.....and I charged her $100.00 for one treatment, so a series of 6 treatments....$600.00 to wrap someone in plastic......not to shabby!

And last but not least, I get to see Chicken tomorrow and give her a facial! Should be quite the day, as then Mz. Liz shall be joining in on the facial fun, as her appt. is at 3pm tomorrow! See, Jen, I could fit you in for a bikini wax tomorrow too! As I am now the bikini wax queen, as I seem to be doing Bikini waxes every other day now!

Saturday, August 27, 2005


I hate going to parties that I don't know anyone, except for Satan. I have stranger anxiety problems. Tonight we (or should I say Satan) has been invited to a birthday party for one of his customers. I just get to tag along being I am "the wife".

It wouldn't be soo bad, if I knew another person, and if I was comfortable in my "own" skin around strangers. I hate the whole, hi, how are you, who are what do you do? How do you know _____, oh your Satan's wife...... Crap that comes with meeting people at parties. I absolutely hate small talk. If I don't know you, I am not the person to just start talking just to talk. It could be because half the time, I just don't care enough to get to know these people. I will never see them again, and it is a waste of time.

Liz said to use it as a good marketing tool for my biznezz. However, that means I have to talk to these people, and of course today, the hermit in me just wants to stay home. But of course this would make Satan upset, as I have blown so many of these parties off before, that I really can't do it again to the poor lad. Satan, unlike me, is very outgoing, loves to go to parties and mingle. I can say this is about the only thing, we really are total opposites on.

So I was thinking I could make some shit up....Have my whole persona created, and if I am totally a freak (which wouldn't be a stretch) I wouldn't be invited to these again.

So what is my story.....

Question 1
so how do you know -----(person who's party this is),
Me: "oh, I don't....I am just really good at breaking into gated communities. And I cracked this gate code. And I saw free food."

Question 2
"So what do you do?"
Me: " Oh, I am a klepto....I also like to steal things from rich people's houses. And when I am not doing that, I like scaring little children..........."

Question 3
So you are Satan's wife, how long have you guys known each other?
Me: "Oh, I am really not his wife, I'm just his whore..."

Question 4
Great party don't you think?
Me: "no, this party sucks! I'm going home!"

Oh yeah, hopefully, this is the last party I will be invited to!!!

And I took this from Mz. Bunny's blog:

You Are Subversion!
You are systematic and secretive. Sometimes even very calculating. Most everyone trusts you but they have no idea what really goes on in your head. You are capable of being nice or mean, whatever a situation calls for. You look out for #1.

What Naughty My Little Pony Are You?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Bad Moon On The Rise

I think the moon being full last Friday definitely is having a ripple affect this week. I am getting the freaks coming out to visit me.

Oh yes, I am not immune to it now that I am self employed....where I used to work with a wacked out bi polar freak, I now have them coming into to get their makeup done.

Seems that although I have been doing makeup for 15 years....I was told the other day, that "it didn't look like you knew what you were doing...." one psycho told me....
Thats nice, freak....being that you had your eyes closed the whole time I was doing your makeup....I didn't know you could see me.....(and if you did, you would have seen me flippin you off!)

I was also stood up by a bride. Funny how when I was driving to do her makeup, the "runaway bride" came to mind.......found out today, she didn't like the consultation I gave her the other day, so instead of saying, I perfer to do my own makeup, she decides to stand me up.

What is with people? Why can't people say it to my face? Both of these people had to either leave me a message on my machine, or tell someone else, who then could tell me. Do I really look that weird that if you tell me how you really feel to me, I will kill you? If you say it nicely mind you, you maybe spared!

You know, I won't be offended if you don't like the way I do your makeup. Just look at my makeup in my photo on the you think, I would be upset? And of course I didn't do there makeup like that, but one would have thought by the way they were so upset, that I had.

So the one who said I didn't know what I was doing, now left me another message, wanting her money back. I am on the fence with this, as I feel her money "energy" is giving me bad ju ju now. And you know how superstitious I can be........

Monday, August 22, 2005


I found out today just how heartless I really am. Does this shock me. Not really. Just confirms what I always knew.

My oldest sister called me today, saying that our Grandmother has gone insane. Insane by means of has sudden on set of Alsheimers....whatever you want to call it, she is insane. The other night my grandmother was hitting my sister for no reason, other than the fact, she didn't want to go to bed. She also has been saying she needs to go to the police because Joy is missing. Ok, my mum has been dead for 2 1/2 years, yeah nana, she is missing.

My sister tells me that Nana's mood swings are getting worse and worse and she is just angry and nasty, and misearble all the time. Oh yeah, Nana will be 92 years old in 4 months.

Now most people would be upset by this story. However, I'm not. But then again I am not like most people. And neither are my two sisters, as they are not upset either. Frustrated, yes, upset no.

You see my grandmother has been miserable all her life. She was evil to my mum when she was alive telling her half the time that she was fat (which she wasn't), she told her this as she was growing up as well, she would yell at Mangey and say her mean things to her and Rantboy. She has always treated me like I was 2 years old and breakable. To my oldest sister, she hasn't been that evil to that I know of, but now even she is getting the rath of Grandmother. Oh yeah, did I fail to mention that when my Grandfather was alive they would yell and shout at each other, and either end up beating each other up, or throwing things at each others heads. I remember as a child, my grandmother stayed with us because her back went out. This woman was so nasty, that even my father wouldn't come home until she was out of our house.

My memories of my Grandmother are not of sweet grandmothers baking pies and doing grandmotherly my grandmother would shove money into our hands as away of being affectionate, and then hide us in the basement because her "friends" were over and didn't want her "friends" to see what losers her family were.

So when I hear she is going insane, and will probably be put on serious meds in the next day or two, and may even be committed somewhere.....I have no emotion.

If I do it is just a sadness of just hearing about another person fallen victim to this awful Alsheimers disease. But I am a big believer in Karma. And all the nasty, hateful things my grandmother did while she was young, is coming back to bite her on the ass in the biggest way.....

Friday, August 19, 2005

Don't Trust This Dog With Bedding......

Don't let her cute puppy dog eyes fool you. She is evil. And hates bedding.
Tuesday she had to be left inside all day as the electric meter reading guy came by and had to get into the backyard. So doggie door was shut off to puppsters.

She wasn't happy about this. So she decided to chew up the bedding, and Satan was home first to discover the shreds of stuffing from the bedding all over the house. Needless to say, when I got home she was locked outside by her loansome. And so very much in trouble.

I told Satan that it wasn't really her fault as she was locked in all day, and she must have gone a little stir crazy. So of course me being a softy to all things puppy, I forgave her.

Foolish me.

As when Satan got home tonight, before me, AGAIN, she had shredded the bedding.
Don't know how much trouble she was in this eve, as Satan, I think just couldn't be bothered to deal with her.

So I go into the bedroom, point at the bed, and say, "you know better....."
Big puppy dog eyes look at me, ***blink, blink*****
"Willow, what did you do.....???"
Puppy dog eyes, ****blink, blink****

Now if she could have pointed her dog toe in the direction of her sister, she would have.
"Willow, you aren't blaming this on your sister who is way to old to jump up on the bed..."
Puppy dog eyes, ***blink, blink*****
Looks again at her sister........
Puppy dog eyes, ***blink blink.......*** tucks head down, goes thru dog door, turns around and stares....***blink blink*****

Yeah, I am real good at disciplining my children.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Driving While Stupid

To the idiot drivers in front of me on my way to work:

Do you realize you are going 10 miles slower than the speed limit in the fast lane?
Do you realize I am behind you and want you to pull over?
Why must you apply your makeup in the rearview mirror at 60 miles an hour?
Why must you take out your brush, and brush your hair while driving?
Why must you read your newspaper?
Why are you driving with your knees?
Why are you still driving when you can't see over the steering wheel?
Are you the oldest man alive?
Have your legs been cut off at the knees and you can't step on the gas?
Are you swerving in the lane because you like to cause motion sickness, or because your drunk, or because you just spilled hot coffee on your lap?
Why must you slow down every time we pass an on ramp? You are in the fast lane you know.....
Why is it that when I pull around you and get back in the fast lane, I catch up with your idiot brother in the next car ahead of you?
Do you have me on hidden camera and know exactly when I will be leaving my house, so you can get infront of me at exactly the right time?
Why must you put "have you been saved yet" bumper stickers on your vehicle?
Do you think I need saving?
Will you ever use your rearview mirror?

These are just a few questions that go through my head, that I was wondering if you would be able to answer for me, as you seem to be going nowhere and have all the time on your hands!!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Downward Spiral

There is a reason I try and stay out of world and local news.

Because, watching the news is just disgusting. When you watch the BBC World news, and they show all the death and distruction of what is going on in the rest of the world......then you turn it over to the local news. What the fuck kind of shit is this?

They show a tad bit on the shit going down between the Israelis and thats some fucked up shit.....and then the next story is about a school here in northern Cal, where the students "may" have to start wearing name badges to school. And they interview this pathetic 16 year old talking about her rights, and how it is demeaning to wear a name badge.......WHAT?????

Are you serious? Stupid ignorant girl, do you realize that when you get out of your crap school and into your first demeaning job, they WILL make you wear a name tag....with a Hello my name is....before it. And from there your name tag will just get better and better, you may get one with a big smiley face on it telling us you are rolling back prices, you may get an upscale name badge if you are lucky and spray perfume in peoples may scream for your name badge back, when the next job you get only recognizes you by a number.....And you are saying you have rights? PLEASE!!! You are six-fucking-teen years old....your parents own have no rights......go talk to the Israelis about rights, you stupid little girl......

Oh yeah, and the closing, most important story of the night, less we forget, is Madonna falling off her horse on her 47th birthday.....I guess you didn't drink enough Kaballah water today......or maybe you are thinking you did, because if you didn't you may have ended up like Chris Reeves. happy fucking birthday to you.

Fuck the news.....

Monday, August 15, 2005

Beware: Spirits Hiding Art at IKEA

So here is one of the wall art pieces I purchased at IKEA. I can't find the HUGE one of the rocks and sea that I got, so I will have to take a photo of it once it is up in my place to show you all.

However I thought the flowers were kinda cool. And the three of them come attached, and they were only like $4.00

The picture I really really wanted, of course they didn't have......figures....

It was a sepia kind o texture and it was of this road with big trees lining it.....It was cool.

Don't know how the rocks and sea will look on the wall. It reminded me of something my mum would have loved. She was a beachy kinda chick anyway, so I know she would have approved....maybe that is how I ended up with it. As she didn't like the pic of the road with trees. So she cunningly hid them from me....spirits have away with doing this kinda stuff. Especially cunning ones, like mum!

Wall of Tranquility

So today I will be going to IKEA.......I have never been. My friend thinks it is the most amazing place in the world.

I hear they serve breakfast for $1.99. I love breakfast, so she hooked me in. I hear there is just rows and rows of Swedish furniture. Everywhere.

I am actually looking for some art work for my wall at work. I have one completely bare wall that makes me angry. Yes I get angry at walls, this is the kinda weirdo I am. Anyway, I am hoping IKEA holds the key to my Angry wall, and it will become the wall of Tranquility soon.

I hear IKEA does have alot of Craptacular furniture that falls apart? Or is that just a rumor. Like I said, as I am an IKEA virgin at the moment, I have no clue what I am in for.

I am just there for the breakfast. And the hope that I will find the Wall of Tranquility..........

Thursday, August 11, 2005


Respect. To Mangey. And all those other Massage Therapists out there. Today, I did a 2 hour body treatment, and by the time I was done, I was soooo exhausted, and I didn't even do half the work a Massage Therapist does.

However, I must say I am getting alot of inquires on my body treatments. I have it as my Treatment of the month for August, and I am getting bookings for this! But if I can get my arms buff like Mangeys from doing massage, then it is well worth it! It also makes my bank account happy!

So I must say that my biznez is starting to grow...and that makes me happy. Happy that I can do this on my own, I don't need no stinkin boss tellin me what to do. I am starting to get referrals from people that have seen me for facials in the last month...pretty damn cool. cool.

However, the one down side of all the fuckin laundry I am having to do......I need to invest in more I ran out today after the body treatment, not a good thing, when I had a few other people interested in appointments for today....but was able to schedule them for next, that reminds me, I got go change the laundry over......

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Don't Leave Me Hangin On The Telephone.....

I am driving to work yesterday when I get a call on my cell phone.

"uh yes, harro"........the voice on the other end says in a high pitch squeeky voice....
"uh yes, this is .......(static on line)....calling from China....and I want to know if you want to sell products......"
"uh yes, this .....(still can't hear what the fuck her name is) from China....we want you to represent us......"
"uh.....I think you have the wrong number...."
"oh.....this is...(still can't hear her...) from China.........."
" " me, not saying anything....
"oh, herro, this (@#*^%%*) calling from China....."
"Thats nice......" click....

What the fuck? Am I now getting crank calls on my cell phone from China?

Then when I am checking my email tonight, I got an email from this woman. Her name is Joy...and she would like me to be a distributor for her skin care line.....and that I met her while in Vegas at the Esthetics show.......

Now, wouldn't it have been easier to tell me this on the phone, instead of saying you are (@$%$^%%&&^&) calling from China and you want me to represent you.....

But I guess she liked me hanging up in her ear so much, that she sent me an email to tell me more about this oddity company she wants me to distribute for her....

And I still don't know who she is....did I give strange Chinease women at the show my cell phone number? Hmmmm.....maybe I did, and wasn't aware of this..... hmmm, maybe this is one of those things that should of stayed in Vegas, but has come out to haunt me?........

Monday, August 08, 2005

Am I Buggin' Ya?

I think I must be attractive to insects...for the past week I keep being harrassed by them. So of course I have gone to my animal wise books to see what it all means here is an over view of the past weeks bug related events:

Tuesday: Walking into work, stop by front desk to chat with hairdresser, when I feel something all fluttery fluttery on my leg....its in my pants....I swat at it....and suddenly feel...asting.......... now I am smashing at whatever is in my pants....shake pant leg, and out falls a crushed bee...
Owww, my knee is stinging the fuck did it get up there.... anyway look up bee in my book here is what it says:

bees are a long time symbol for accomplishing the impossible. For many years, scientists were unable to determine how bees were able to fly. The body was too large for the wings. It has only been in more recent times that science has determined that bees move their wings at such a high rate of speed that it makes flight possible. The stinger is often seen as a phallic symbol (ok...what does that have to do with my knee?) Most bees only sting once. There is a barb attached to the stinger, which pulls the stinger off when used. The queen can sting more than once, but it only fights when another queen is born. The bee is the reminder to extract the honey of life and to make our lives fertile while the sun shines....

Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday: Ants. They keep showing up everywhere....First I thought they were trying to give a sign to Satan as they had gotten into his stuff the other week, but he ignored them and they went they decided to bug (ha!) here is the over view on Ants:

The ant has long been a symbol of work and industry. Ant teaches us that regardless of circumstances, if the effort is true, the rewards will follow, in the most benefical time and manner. Ant is the promise of success through effort.....

Friday: Moth. How I hate moths. They seem to be attracted to my face...I think because I am always wearing black, and my face is so white, they make a bee line for it. So again, at work, one comes flying into my room, and heads for my face! And this moth is huge! So I turn the light out hoping it will leave, but no, it just keeps fluttering at my head......

When Moth persist in flying around you, a letter will shortly be coming your way bringing important news...The size of moth often dertermines the size of the letter and the importance of the news. Moth totems and messengers usually indicate an awakening sense of smell. It will be the fragrance of the opoosite sex that will most attract and disccourage. Trusting in one's own outer and inner sense of smell will be important in relationships.

Sunday: Spider. I was sitting out by the pond with Satan, when he reaches over and pulls out a spider off the top of my head! "is this a friend of yours?" he says......AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Spider teaches you to maintain a balance, between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Spider teaches you that everything you now do is weaving what you will encounter in the future. In the tarot deck is a card- the wheel of fortune. This is a card that has to do with rhythms- the rise and fall, the flow and flux. It is linked to the energies of honor and fame, and the sensitivites necessary to place ourselves within the rhythm of Nature. The spider awakens creative sensibilities. It weaves a web of intricate and subtle fabric, as if to remind us that the past always subtly influences the present and future. Spider reflects much about how to express the creative energies, weave your creative threads in the dark and then when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Spider can teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that words weave a web around those who would read them.

Ok, so this means that I need to accomplish the impossible with my trusty phallic symbol, if I keep working and be industrious, I will have success, I should be receiving a letter in the mail (hopefully, my state board license that still hasn't shown up!) and that I need to smell good for Satan, and last but not least I need to awaken my creative energies...... sure not a problem, now am I supposed to do all of this in a day, over a week, the next month.....when????

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Goth Child in the City...Runnin Wild and Lookin Pretty....

Weird Photo week continues......

What I want to know is....what makeup was I using...I worked for Estee Lauder at the time...and I do believe it was Estee Lauder makeup! Who would of thought I could of been the face of Goth Lauder! Did Estee realize she had invented a makeup for us???

New York hi society miss wears same makeup as Haight Street Goth at 11.........

Most amusing.....

Oh, in other news.......I had a first today! I got to wax my first tweeker! It was great...I would of taken photos...but didn't have my camera...

Didn't know if she was flinching because of the pulling of the wax....or if it was just her having a tweeker moment....oh the fun I have at work...all I can say is it IS never boring!

Now if only Mangey was in biznez wit me, I could of sent tweeker over to get a massage, as we all know how Mangey lurves massaging crusty tweeker ass!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The Big Bulbus Head

Weird picture week continues......this may not look too weird....however, this was the second day after meeting Satan for the first time....... I always think this photo is funny, as Satan's shirt pretty much sums up what it looks like he is thinking...

However, his full shirt read, "fuck helmets".....but I think "Fuck" says it all.... I think I will make it my new work shirt....

Oh yeah, second oddity of this photo, is my big bulbus head! What is that all about? Was I really turning into Nosferatu??

In this photo, you can also tell what Satan would look like with short hair, as we can't see his ponytail....

And last oddity (although there maybe plenty more)....why is it that after 13 years of this photo being taken, Satan looks exactly the same there as he does now?? And me, I have morfed into many different odd looking things over the years....why does Satan stay the same??

Oh yeah, and if you are interested the answers to the previous post are:
1. c
2. a
5. a

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Smells Like Children......

In keeping the theme this week of weird pictures.....I give you this truely bazzar moment in history...this is circa 1993......ok, so please take the following quiz:

What am I holding?
a. Lunch
b. dinner
c. a light snack

what is wrong with this picture:
a. I am holding an evil spawn
b. I am wearing nude nail polish
c. there is a hideous looking pink knit thing behind me.

what is evil spawn thinking:
a. wholy shit, I am vampyre food!
b. get it away, get it away!!! dear god, get it away!!!!..
c. if I don't look maybe it will go away....

what was I thinking?
a. will I wake from this nightmare soon?
b. thank god this thing isn't mine....
c. Yeah, I ain't too thrilled to be holding you either....

What did Mangey say moments before while holding evil spawn?
a. I could crush your head right now......
b. you smell.....
c. here, you hold it Vampy, I want to take a fuckin hilarious picture!

and last but not least, Why do I look like my mother in this photo?
a. I am her daughter. DUH!
b. its the eyebrows and the hair.....
c. one day, we all look like our mothers...................

Monday, August 01, 2005

Tales From the Crypt.....

Nothing new to say, so thought I would post a photo of me and Scotty. Yes, I am giving Scotty a piggy back ride through a cemetery.....thats what you do when you are bored in the middle of the night, and Mangey has a camera to capture the festivities.... after seeing the cemetery photo on Mangey's blog, made me start thinking of my cemetery days.....or should I say nights....?

What was I wearing is what I want to know, I see my skull boots I had on, and my cropped black pants...but it looks like I am wearing a tuxedo vest....under a denim jacket??? Well, all I can say is I do believe this was bad 80's fashions had to be done...............