Saturday, December 04, 2004

So I Try to Say Goodbye My Friend......

I don't know if complete saddness is the best word I can use. Ultimate grief perhaps? I am trying to explain the feeling of loss and saddness I am feeling right now. At 3:30 am this morning, my dog, Ghost passed away. Unbelievable sadness. She died here in the house with all of us here to say goodbye to her. The hour before she died she just let out these low constant howls, like you here wolves do in the wild. I believe she was saying goodbye to us and her two sisters.

We took turns watching her in the night. She hadn't been feeling well on Friday, and we were watching her closely, however around midnight she took a turn for the worse. I awoke from a sound sleep about 12:30am and knew she was dying. I went through to the living room to see her really not looking well. I woke up Satan to tell him, that I think she is not going to make it.

I called the on call vet to see what we could do, and the only emergency vet around was 2 hours away. Satan and I knew she wouldn't make it there in time. So we decided to stay up with her and make her last few hours as comfortable as we could possibly make them for her and let her know we were here with her and loved her ever so much.

Around 3am I started to doze off, and that is when Ghost started her low howling. I was in that realm between awake and sleep, so I could still hear her. In that inbetween meditation state I was in, I suddenly had this vision of my mother. She was just there in front of me smiling. I asked her if she was here for Ghost, and she just smiled that wonderful motherly smile at me. I told her to take good care of her and that I knew she would be in good hands with her.

At 4am Satan came over to me and just started hugging me and silently weeping. It was one of the saddess moments I have seen, to see him there just holding me and crying, we just rocked each other back and forth. After a few minutes he asked me if he should put Ghost in the other room. Why I asked, how is she. He then looked at me and said, sweetheart, she is gone, she passed away about 1/2 hour ago.

Since 4am I have done nothing but sob. My two other dogs are also so sad. We went into the living room where Ghost lay looking ever so peaceful. Both of my girls walked over to her, heads down sniffing and slowly wagging their tails in a low slow motion. We all said goodbye and Satan put her through to the other room.

So my mum did come and take her into her realm. I am still trying to say goodbye to her after nearly two years of losing her, to see her in my meditation/dream state coming to get Ghost has just made this even more sad.

So I am trying to say goodbye my friend, my sweet loveable Ghost. You were such an amazing dog. You were the kindest most gentlest dog. I will never forget you. I will always love you.

13 comments:

bunny said...

Oh, hun, I am so sorry for your family's loss. Anyone who reads your blog knows how important a part of your family Ghost was. I'll light a candle in her memory today.

nongirlfriend said...

I was so upset reading this that I lit two cigarettes while I shared your sadness. I, too, will light a candle for sweet Ghost. I'll light the candle I keep on Sparky's shrine. And send thoughts to him to welcome Ghost when Ghost crosses the Rainbow Bridge.

June 17, 2003: Saddest day of my entire life. I lost Sparky that day. You're lucky - you got to be with her as she passed. I had the same fortunate experience. As traumatic as it was, as many bad dreams I'd awaken from, trembling and missing my little man, I will always know in my heart that the last thing my precious Sparky heard was how much I loved him and how he will always be my little man forever.

We're here for you. What a sad, sad day. I'm so very sorry, Vampy. My thoughts are with you and your family. Please take care.

Jennifer said...

:'(

Sorry to hear about your girl. *hugs*

Elizabeth said...

I can't even think of the right words to write. You know I love your girls and I can't even imagine the pain you are both feeling. Just try to take solace in knowing that you gave her a wonderful life and she was very happy and content. Give me a call when you feel up to it.

Killy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm sure that Ghostie appreciated you and Satan being there with her those last few hours... you guys are incredible doggie-parents. I too will light a candle. I'm sure Ghost is hanging out with Chicken's Sparky and my dear departed Dodger in the great beyond. Rest in peace, Ghost.

wowedout said...

i am so sorry to hear of your loss. i have been there. i lost my special krissy it was awful i still miss her i still can hear her in the house i still want to protect her when it storms ..... ghost rest in peace.

Garrison Steelle said...

Oh, Vampy!

I'm so sorry, my friend. My deepest sympathies are with you at this time.

There simply are not enough words.

-G

Kasia said...

I am so very sorry for your loss of Ghost...

My little dog Buddy died last year - it honestly felt like I was losing one of my brothers...

But, it sounds like Ghost will already have a beautiful home waiting for her with your Mum, and all the other pups.

Take care of you...

Banilla's Honey said...

I am so sorry, but just try to think Ghost is watching over you with your mom.

TC

Raineydays said...

Sending lots of hugs...

I'm sorry for your lost. My remeberence candle is lit.

Pisser said...

That blows hon :( And so unexpected...!

I'm so sorry. Maybe pay a visit or a call to the vet to make sure it was nothing that could spread to the other girls? Just a precaution.

I feel so bad for all of you, and hope that you'll take the time you need to be kind to yourselves.

SJ said...

That is just so sad, Vampy. How old was she? I really hate to hear that. So sad and so sorry.

ErntsBloggo said...

My sincere regrets on your loss.

Should I ever succeed in training my dog to live every living moment of my life, I'll tell you the secret first.