I don't know if complete saddness is the best word I can use. Ultimate grief perhaps? I am trying to explain the feeling of loss and saddness I am feeling right now. At 3:30 am this morning, my dog, Ghost passed away. Unbelievable sadness. She died here in the house with all of us here to say goodbye to her. The hour before she died she just let out these low constant howls, like you here wolves do in the wild. I believe she was saying goodbye to us and her two sisters.
We took turns watching her in the night. She hadn't been feeling well on Friday, and we were watching her closely, however around midnight she took a turn for the worse. I awoke from a sound sleep about 12:30am and knew she was dying. I went through to the living room to see her really not looking well. I woke up Satan to tell him, that I think she is not going to make it.
I called the on call vet to see what we could do, and the only emergency vet around was 2 hours away. Satan and I knew she wouldn't make it there in time. So we decided to stay up with her and make her last few hours as comfortable as we could possibly make them for her and let her know we were here with her and loved her ever so much.
Around 3am I started to doze off, and that is when Ghost started her low howling. I was in that realm between awake and sleep, so I could still hear her. In that inbetween meditation state I was in, I suddenly had this vision of my mother. She was just there in front of me smiling. I asked her if she was here for Ghost, and she just smiled that wonderful motherly smile at me. I told her to take good care of her and that I knew she would be in good hands with her.
At 4am Satan came over to me and just started hugging me and silently weeping. It was one of the saddess moments I have seen, to see him there just holding me and crying, we just rocked each other back and forth. After a few minutes he asked me if he should put Ghost in the other room. Why I asked, how is she. He then looked at me and said, sweetheart, she is gone, she passed away about 1/2 hour ago.
Since 4am I have done nothing but sob. My two other dogs are also so sad. We went into the living room where Ghost lay looking ever so peaceful. Both of my girls walked over to her, heads down sniffing and slowly wagging their tails in a low slow motion. We all said goodbye and Satan put her through to the other room.
So my mum did come and take her into her realm. I am still trying to say goodbye to her after nearly two years of losing her, to see her in my meditation/dream state coming to get Ghost has just made this even more sad.
So I am trying to say goodbye my friend, my sweet loveable Ghost. You were such an amazing dog. You were the kindest most gentlest dog. I will never forget you. I will always love you.