Thanks to everyone for their kind words and wishes. It has been a hard weekend. Full of tears, laughter and more tears. I didn't think I had any more tears left after Saturday, but yesterday they flowed again. My forhead is very tender and sore from all the crying I have done. It really sucks, because more than anything, I hate crying. Always have, always will.
On Saturday morning, we buried Ghostie in our backyard, down by the shed where she used to love to walk around sniffing at all the bushes along the fence line. We live on 1/2 acre, so she would love to walk around down there pretending she didn't here me calling her inside! So Satan and I and our other two girls (the labs) had a ceremony for her, we lit some sage and sat their quietly watching the sage burn down thinking of all the wonderful times we had with her. She will be missed.
Yesterday when I went out to get the groceries, I was fine, however when I pulled back into our driveway, I saw some of her fur that was stuck on the fence (she was a husky, so shedding was a daily occurance for her) and the tears they welled up and came a rolling again. I went and cut some roses that are still growing in our garden(they for some reason have not been hit by the frosts we have had) and put them on Ghostie's grave. Tears again.
This morning after I walked the girls, we went down to Ghosties grave to say good morning to her, and yet again, more tears. It was sad not to walk her this morning. She hadn't been going on long walks lately as her hips were bad, so walking up the driveway was about all she could muster these days...but she enjoyed it just the same.
This saddness feeling will pass, I know, I have been here way too many times over the last couple of years than I would like to before.....but this empty place in my heart just keeps growing, and it makes me realize that the older I get, the more times than I will like, I will be here, again.....but its just a part of life. I know. It just sucks when you realize no one is immortal. And the little girl you still think you are inside, who thinks everyone will be fine and live forever, has grown up and is having to deal with all this death.
All I can say, is really charish the ones you love everyday, because unfortunately we all must leave one day.