Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Don't Bother To Resist Or I'll Wax Ya!

Yesterday.....All my troubles seemed so far away........

Sorry couldn't help that....

Anyway, Yesterday, I took a class in Speed Waxing.....Yes, Speed Waxing.......

Is it anything like Speed Reading, Speed Racer, or just plain on Speed while Waxing....

Actually, it is the most painful fucking thing I have ever done.

We (the students of this class) had to come to class with 4 weeks worth of hair growth. So as you can imagine all of us wooly mammoths were eagerly wanting to get the excess body hair off....Until we started the coarse...Then it was like, fuck this, get me a razor NOW!!!!!

My friend and I were partners for this class...And I was the guinea pig who went first...Oh my fucking god! The pain of being speed waxed was so bad, I didn't realize at the time, but I was clenching my butt cheeks so bad that I was giving myself trapped gas! By the time lunch came along, I thought my stomach was going to explode! It was like when you have had Mexican food, some sort of carbonated beverage, and you are wearing control top panty hose....Where you just can't believe you have done this to yourself....Your stomach is like ready to explode with the alien baby inside of you.....This is how my stomach felt by the time we went to lunch....Hunger pains, trapped air, clenched buttocks....Not to mention how my poor legs looked like plucked chicken legs...All red and welty by the time it was over.....Just walking down the street with my pants touching my legs was sheer agony.

My friend didn't understand....She hadn't been my victim yet...That was after lunch.....Oh yes, and the torture was all MINE!!! muh hahahahahahahahha!!! She didn't think it was going to be so bad, she thought I was just being a wus. But as soon as I started ripping ( oh yes, I did have my Marilyn face.....If you remember from a few posts ago.....) she started howling! She started having to do lamaz breathing...Which I miss took for the sound of the Jason movies...You know, chee chee cha cha..... Which made my ripping away more psychotic!

We then had to do bikini line and under arm...FUCK! I kinda cheated however (yeah, that figures!) and had shaved the night before those areas, as I couldn't take the hairy beast anymore! However my poor friend didn't.....Well, she had lazored her bikini line awhile back, so no hair was there, however her underarm hair......Was mine for the taking!

So for all of you that are wondering what is Speed Waxing.....Well, it is where you put all the wax down at once at a pretty fast pace, then put down your wax strip, pull, put wax strip down, pull, put wax strip down, pull......You get the picture now yes??

Lets just say, by the end of the class, I was labeled per usual the trouble maker of the class with my freakish sayings and evil laughter as I ripped away at my friend's waxy areas! However, I still got my little Speed Waxing diploma at the end!

Ok, who's next???

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