Friday, October 22, 2004

The Crying Game

I got my hair colored today. Got rid of the grey! Yahoo!! While I was getting my hair colored my stylist's assistant (I'll call her Red) is telling me the story of how she accidentally hit her hand on her steering wheel the other day and ripped her acrylic nail (including actual nail) right off her finger. Well, it didn't actually rip off, it kinda flipped up and stayed there. So now, she has her finger bandaged up but is in major pain as you can imagine.

So, my hairstylist and I are telling her she should go to the doctor to get it checked out before it gets infected. So we start telling her that she will probably get a shot in her finger to numb the pain so they can rip the the rest of the nail off. She is looking at us like we are insane, and she is holding on to her finger. So I said, "yeah, and what if they decide it is beyond the "Paula Abdul" stage and they need to hack your finger right off."

Now, at this point for some reason my hairstylist and I think this is funny, and start laughing about Paula Abdul and her bondage thumb. We are laughing and making more jokes about Paula Abdul, and then we look in the mirror to see Red sitting at the front desk, crying her eyes out!!

What are you crying for I ask? She says, what if they do have to give me a shot and take my finger off?? We totally freaked her out! Wow. That was pretty interesting to be able to bring someone to tears like that. I have only been able to do that on one other occasion that I know of.

This goes way way back to when Satan was still in England before he lived here. I had spoken with Satan on the phone and he had confirmed that he was definitely coming out at Christmas to see me. Well, it is official I thought. So what do I do about the guy I had been seeing up until now. Well, I better tell him, I don't want to be with him anymore.

The dude I was seeing comes over to my house, and I am like, ok this is the night I tell him. So, he is sitting in my house, and I tell him I don't want to see him anymore. And I do the it's not you, its me. I am not interested in you, and don't want to lead you on, so I think it is best if we end it. He just sits there staring at me. And suddenly, these huge crocodile tears are welling up in his eyes and rolling down his face!!! He starts bawling his eyes out! And I'm like what the fuck dude, sooner or later you would have told me this, and I have just beaten you to the punch. So I just sit there staring at him. And he is all, "do you mean it? Do you really want me to leave?" And by now he has the crying induced snot happening and he is trying to wipe his eyes and his snotty nose. So I say, "Uh yeah, I do mean it."

Now being I had never made a man cry before, I just sat there in disbelief thinking, ok dude...its not like we have been seeing each other for very long...And I am kinda glad I found out about your clingyness now before we progressed.

So we sat in silence (well I sat in silence, he sobbed) for about 10 minutes, and then he gathered himself together, and says, ok, well, if that's what you really want......." (Uh yeah, otherwise I wouldn't have said it).... And then got his jacket and left. I never saw him again.

But it is a very odd feeling to bring someone to tears. However, I didn't feel bad about the dude, but Red was really sad, watching her cry out of fear of her finger being hacked off. So I went over to her and gave her a hug, and said, just think of the great story you will have to tell me in four weeks when I am back here!! She just looked at me, and smiled and started to laugh. See, I may be evil, but I am not heartless!

9 comments:

mangey cur said...

Dude....now I'm crying! That's just plain sad and stuff.Not about that looser you told to take a hike tho. He deserved to cry...I was happy when you relayed that tale after it occured. You're not heartless..just kinda blunt, but I appreciate that. Did Red get to keep her finger?

Killy said...

Wow, I always wanted to reduce a guy to tears (by a means other than kicking him in the balls... sorry, Jason!). You're my hero! ;)

vampyregirl said...

Mangey, don't know yet if she gets to keep her finger, her doctors appt. is on Monday...

Killy, see I've never kicked a man (literally) in the balls, so you have one up on me (or should I say two?) although, I have nutted Satan in the balls by mistake a few times, but I don't think that counts as kicking.....

Pisser said...

She deserved to cry - for one, she is stupid.
Also, acrylics are nasty. Fungoid nails = no
es sexy.

Sorry, I'm in an especially EVIL mood today
due to the continued extreme and inexplicable
ballooning of my ass...!

Garrison Steelle said...

Pisser's ass is inflatable? Wow.

I don't think you're cruel. I just think you're around some really insecure and less-than-intelligent people.

Cruel would have been biting off the finger yourself. ;)

-G

SJ said...

Wait, I have missed something....WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PAULA ABDUL'S THUMB?

vampyregirl said...

SJ- didn't you see Paula Abdul with her bandaged thumb during American Idol? She had a manicure gone bad, where they used infected tools on her...

Garrison- I would have chewed off her finger for her, but didn't think I would have been allowed back in the salon, and being I do like my hair dresser, I need to be let back in!:)

Smiley said...

Some people just have that effect on people. Why can I picture you with a smirk on your face as everyone else is crying.

Elizabeth said...

Yeah, you know you were still laughing at her when you left!

I swear if you were doing some of the people watching with us this weekend we would have spontanious-combusted with evilness.