Thursday, October 28, 2004

Don't Like This Ride I Am On Today...Can I Get off Of It Now?



4 days to go.....



Why is it that I will have a few good days and then I get this bummed out feeling come back? And I realized the other day that I have pretty much had this bummed feeling with me as long as I can remember.

I remember in grade school right through high school, I had it and thought it was just the feeling of teenage angst. But now that I am in my 30's I still have it. It usually comes on when I am by myself for long periods of time. Here I am having an office day today, and I have that bummed feeling again. I wouldn't call it depression, as I have been depressed, and it is definitely not that. Maybe it is boredom and I take it for bummed. Hmm...don't know...or maybe it is just that dark personality which is me.

Anyway, I hate feeling this way. There is no reason for me to be bummed today. I am home, the sun is out, I am here with my girls, but still the feeling doesn't go away. Mangey, are you like this? I seem to remember you feel this way when you are around people. Interesting.

It also could be that I haven't been out of this house all day as it has been to fucking cold to go outside. I think the high today is like 39 degrees. That is just plane wrong. Ok, well guess I will try and get out of this funk...maybe I will try and exercise...however, I am one big ache and pain today as I over exercised on Tuesday and yesterday Satan and I went climbing, so just breathing hurts today. Damn situps...why do we need them?

It is quite ironic, I just read the preview of my blog and looked at the photo I chose today for Manson....and how he looks in the photograph is basically how I am feeling right now....so just imagine that is me...but with more hair.....





10 comments:

mangey cur said...

My poor little dark one. I hope you're feeling better since we spoke. Yes, I feel that way with too many people around...especially too many STUPID people. It's hard being queen of the universe. har.

Elizabeth said...

Pfft. I had to fake it in front of new-born evil spawn today. Then I didn't leave the SF office until 7:30pm tonight. EB didn't respond today...and I am anticipating this one really badly. And I can't have cake on my birthday!!!! And what is this about it being cold up there???

Oh, and did we agree I am booking the flights and you are paying me back? I am having short term memory issues too!

Jennifer said...

I feel "bummed out" too when I'm by myself for long periods of time. I've heard it's because I'm not comfortable with being with myself (in otherwords, not comfortable having to think about my feels and confront them). Which sometimes I tend to agree with.

But when I'm by myself I feel like I'm wasting time I could be spending time with friends or family I rarely see!

Party at Vampy and Satan's when the Curs come to town?

bunny said...

I get the same way. When I worked from home all the time it was a big mess. I do like being alone quite a bit, I just can't do it all the time or for extended periods. I need the energy from other people to kick me out of getting too obsessed with analyzing myself and being too introspective.

Garrison Steelle said...

I've often thought such feelings come from a lack of emotional/intellectual stimulation ...

... now I'M depressed. ;)

-G

vampyregirl said...

glad to hear that I am not alone in my bummed out-ness. I have to agree with you Garrison, as talking with Mangey I came to the same conclusion, I have had a bunch of stimuli when I was in school, I was really having a great time, and then school is on break, and my mind is now hating my job again, and I feel that stuck in a rut syndrome with my lack of interest job... but school will be starting next week!! YAY!!

Liz- yes it has been cold, but today seems better, but pack some warm things just in case, and yes, if you book the tickets, I will pay ya...or if ya want me to do it, just let me know, either way is cool wit me..

Jen- yes if you would like to come up with Liz when Mangey is here is cool, as the weekend she is here is my birthday weekend, so a definite party sounds like a plan!!

Raineydays said...

I call those my Blah! days. When I'm just sitting here feeling bummed out, but don't really know what is bumming me out. Those kind of days suck.

Today is one of those days.

Pisser said...

Hope you feel better...I get all crummy-feeling sometimes for no reason whatsoever. Sounds like you have it nailed about work/school etc. though...I worked alone once too and it sort of got on my nerves even though other people usually just annoy me.

Wait a minute...E and Jen are going there? I thought you all lived in the same general area. Man, am I confused ;)

nongirlfriend said...

I've had that feeling quite a bit lately. I think it comes from work, I don't know. But it doesn't help my chronic depression, that's for sure.

There should be a slew of Marilyn Manson Moods. That pic was me at that bday party last night.

Tim said...

I think I agree with everyone else when I say, "I get into those funks too sometimes". Having fun and not thinking is definitely better than sitting by yourself thinking all the time!!!
Thanks!