I did see Big Foot today, he was alive and well, and walking across the Golden Gate Bridge with some woman, oh wait a minute, no it wasn't, it was just this really hideously large hairy man with huge hairy man teets. Yes Teets. Not tits, Teets, they looked like they could be on any herd of cow grazing up and down Sonoma County. It was a vile vile eyesore....Which got me to thinking....
Why am I the one that gets a look of disgust or a look like, that sooo wasn't politically correct..When we have hairy man teets sans shirt walking up and down the bridge, thinking it is a ok, to look this way...if I was that large and hairy, would I get the same treatment.....NO...
Next...Last weekend Liz and I are sitting in TGI Fridays when piercing..piercing baby yells are coming from the table across the way...And the parents do NOTHING!! This child could cut glass with that scream...I was so angry that I nearly started throwing things, however, Liz and I did move to the very back of the restaurant to be as far far away from evil spawn as possible...And again...What if I decided to let out loud piercing scream in the middle of a restaurant...I would be asked to leave, wouldn't I?? But no one says shit to the parents re: evil spawn..... Yeah, spawn might not know that yelling at that high a level can be murderous...But the parents do..And they just sit there smiling, knowing no one is gonna say shit to them.....
Next....Another evil spawn this time staggering toward me in the mall...I am trying to get out of the way of on coming evil spawn....But no kid plows right into me, stares and goes running off....Parent just glares at me, and goes running after child...Oh yeah, its my fault your fuckin evil spawn ran into me, when you saw me trying to get out of the way...What if I had my dogs off the leash and one of them came towards you.....you would be yelling at me to put my dog back on the leash......
And what about the suck up society?? Where everyone is kissing someone else's ass to get ahead, or be popular, instead of putting in their own dues at work or having their own brain and own personality to have friends . Don't they find that so much ass kissing only leads to having shit for brains...Or finding that the smell of shit under their nose , just doesn't go away??
Ok, and last but not least,,,,what is up with all these less than skinny chicks thinking it is ok to wear belly shirts with their fat guts hanging out and their tramp stamps embossed on their backs, and it is ok, because Britney Spears is part of the "norm of society", but I get the freak stares because I resemble Morticia Adams more than I do Britney Spears......And I am the one who is wearing more clothes.....
And per usual, it sounds like I am pissed....No just stating facts,,,fucked up facts...But just facts none the less....And if I had the powers of a real vampyre...These people that I just wrote about would be first on my list to be devoured nightly...I wouldn't be a starving Vampyre thats for damn sure.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
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17 comments:
Yeah baby! You let em have it oh Vampress! Harhar. You're sexy when you're pissed and dealing with evil spawn!
we should organize a mass social revolution, where we annoy people's sense of normality - dress and speak loudly, hold up shopping lines if we feel like it, get in front of slow drivers and go slower...really get in people's faces and disrupt their perfect little pastel worlds. lots of makeup (especially for the males), stare back at people staring at you, talk to strangers... on an on.
oh yes, jen the list could go on forever...especially the ones about the twig girls who won't talk to you because you could squash them like a bug...been there..still am there...and no I'm not bitter or angry...just evil.....been like this for quite awhile..and I like being evil...its just better this way....
I get all kinds of fun looks 'cause I'm so damn tall (it really frigtened off the menfolk in high school, too), especially when I wear heels (I was 6'3" in my prom shoes!).
I love that you equated dogs to children (evil spawn)... so true! In fact, most dogs are better behaved than most peoples little urchins.
I always see the guy who picks his nose in the resteraunt. Kids often come to me but they never cry around me for some reason.
Britney Chunks lives four houses from me all 5 foot and 250 pounds of her. That is why I'm trying to get spandex wearing banned.
And I'm a big individual, I don't care who it is I call it as I see it.
Thankfully I've never seen large hairy man teets.
jen, maybe this weekend liz and I can help you try and release some of your evil...its gotta be in there somewhere...
glad to hear you have come over to the dark side NG, its not bad over here.
smiley, britney chunks was most amusing...yes spandex, something that needs to stay in the 80's...
oh yeah, and flex, maybe I need to move to NY, if parents and children aren't tolerated......sounds like my kinda place....
I still say the best way to freak out evil spawn and the evil that spawned them is to walk up with the "crazy eye" (à la Pisser's mom's yorkie) and say: "I love children... they're delicious." And then just walk away.
no, big foot was headed to run loose in San Francisco...unless he got off the bridge and roamed free in the Presidio...
Wait a second, you're a gothic vampire and you eat at T.G.I. Fridays? Huh?!?!?
yes, sometimes I succum to tgi fridays...and liz was wanting those damn potatoe skins...damn her, I tell you damn her!!
Hey now, I have evil spawn--TWO of them--and let me assure you, they are, well, they're... evil spawn. Period. There's no other way to sugar coat the fact that for the next 15 years or so, I will be the keeper of the evil spawn. (Now, move out of the way so my evil spawn can boogerfy everything in its path! aaeeiiiii)
tramp stamps. heh. never heard of that but that is totally what they are. Saying 'totally' in a post is like, so totally gnarly sounding. I'm like totally Spicoli.
Good show! I'm a big fine girl and one of the core rules of being a big fine girl, or any shape, is knowing how to dress for your body type. Those pudgy little nightmares letting their flab hang out make me want to puke. Why can men let ANYTHING hang out, though, and we can't? Sucks ass, it does. Go Morticia! We should find a bloodletting ritual if you come down and go to the cemetery with us.
Thought of you twice because:
1) family of evil spawn entirely blocking aisle at the grocery store with - BIRTH CONTROL!!!
2) woman in my office does not realize her spawn is ugly/evil. Somehow it has made some jr. pep squal hellishness AND came into office yesterday and commenced yelling cheers. But that's ok because she looks like Malachai from CHILDREN OF THE CORN, so she'd better enjoy it while she can...
Oh my ringing ears...! :\
yes, Pisser, I would of had to kill if I had witnessed cheerleaderish crap cheers...oh no...see in talking to Liz the other day she was saying how she could handle when evil spawn get older...no, not me, they just turn into evil preteen, and then evil teenage spawn..I have a niece (Satan's Neice)and 12 years ago she was 5-6 years old...and now that she is about to turn 18, I can now start talking to her....for the last 12 years I have ignored her...yes...ignored her.....but now I can have a civil conversation, and she has grown up...just can't deal with the spawn..get it away!!!
lol, Vampy. I, too, ignored the spawn until they reached acceptable ages. Didn't have anything to say to them, nor did I care what they were prattling on about. Well, until I spawned some spawn. Now I *have* to fucking talk to them and listen to them, give them food and shit, blah de blah.
Just so you know, those parents who were just smiling in the restaurant while their kid screamed--they were moments away from running screaming into a mental ward, while yelling "Fuck this! Just.Fuck.This." Mere moments away.
sj, I would have like to have seen that happen, unfortunately, they just sat there and smiled...while the evil spawn yelled on...
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