Alright I will have to start this blog all over again, I had a post with the spirit animal attached to it, from Liz blog, however, it is just frozen as a draft and won't publish. Whatever. I did come up as the Owl though, which is interesting, as I had an owl incounter earlier in the week.
Lest I forget, Happy Anniversary Mum and Dad! Hope you are celebrating where ever you two may be!! I will make sure to celebrate today too!!
Last night Satan and I went climbing, it was most amusing as I think Satan must have been wearing his chick magnet devise. Where ever we went in the gym last night there were all these chickas either swooning at him as he was climbing, or trying to flirt with him. I think I was invisible, but it was rather funny. The best was the little brazen hussie who was trying to get him to climb with her...oh yeah, she was about 10 years old!! She kept coming over and asking if she could climb with him. I think she may have thought he was one of the instructors in the gym, as she was with a climbing birthday party...but I think she was just a hussie!!
I seem to do my best "ah ha" moments when climbing. As the one last night I had was the realization that I am not perfect. and for that most of my life I have been chasing this dream of perfection. I think I realized last night that I am insane. Why have I done this most if not all of my life? I finally realized last night that it is ok not to be perfect. Every thing I have ever tried to do and wasn't perfect at I have quit mid way through just so that I don't have to be tortured that I wasn't perfect at that particular thing. However, after quitting, I then beat myself up about quitting as I wasn't perfect at whatever I was doing...ridiculous, I know.
The fact that I found this out while climbing is even interesting, as I am no where near perfect at climbing. But I enjoy climbing so much that it doesn't bother me that I am not perfect at it. And that is when the "ah ha" happend. Why do I do things I don't like just to try and be perfect at something I don't enjoy. I have done it with all the jobs I have had (except for when I was an aerobic instructor, I enjoyed that), I have done it with hobbies I have had in the past (I was a dance major in College, but stopped doing that, as the teacher kept telling me I wasn't perfect)
I thought it was a competitiveness I had, but now I realize I was just trying to be perfect at things I couldn't possibly do, or even liked doing.
So today is the first day of my unperfect life, and I am feeling quite happy. How strange. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off of me. So here are some of the things that I am not perfect with and I really am ok with it.
1. first and foremost, my job...(gee thats where most of my angst comes from)
2. my weight ( guess I will never be Madonna, and that is ok)
3. my teeth ( yes, I have been blessed with the english gene on the teeth, but hey its ok!)
4.my finances ( and who else has perfect finances?)
5.climbing ( but I love it)
6.making decisions ( and this I always try and do the right thing, what for?)
7.being on time
8.following through with things (obviously)
9.my choices in life
10. not be honest with myself
And I can deal with it.