Friday, January 28, 2005

Next Position Please......

Many of you may have had a brazilian, or may get them now. That is up to you, more power to you, however, being that I am doing my esthetics course, part of it is learning to wax. And in my last post I told you all I hate waxing. It is just gross. Pulling someones bodily hair off in big chunks of wax makes me want to vomit. But it is something I need to learn how to do if I am ever to pass my state board test. Thankfully all I have to do is wax one eye brow and tweeze the other brow to pass the test.

When I was explaining to Mangey the other night how disgusting "old wax" was I then proceeded to tell her what I would have to do if I gave someone a brazillian. So here it is for all of you in the blog world, this is what we at school have been taught on giving one a brazillian. Which I will not do, cannot make me do this, as it is not on the state board exam, just not going there.....ok so here it is:

Client is nekked from the waste down, (unless they request a "privacy wrap" what the fuck are you in here getting a brazillian for if ya want a fuckin privacy wrap??)
Then, the waxer gives them a moist towelette to wipe down their bits and pieces. (ok, already grossed out by someone having to wipe in front of me....eeeeewwwww, no cling-ons please!!!) However, I have heard of some waxers wiping these bits for client...(getting puke bag out) Next they are to lay back on the wax table and hold one leg up to their chest, while you spread the wax in all the nooks and crannys.....(ok I would be starting the dry heave now) apply wax strip, pull their fleshy bits taught and yank off strip. (did I already say GROSS??) Continue this procedure until all hair is gone. Repeat same procedure with the other leg now pulled up to chest. Next have them bend their knee and drop that bent knee to table. proceed to wax any left over hair from any nook and cranny that has been over looked (ok, on my second puke bag now). Repeat other side.

Next, have them roll over on to all fours, if table is sturdy enough, (ok here is where it gets even more disgusting) and put wax up there crack. Apply wax strip and yank those unslightly and unwanted crack hairs away.....now if your table isn't sturdy enough the client then gets off of table and bends over the table, spreading their ass cheeks allowing you to spread the wax up into that crack and again yank those crack hairs away!

Oh yes, before the waxer begins the waxing, one also needs to lighlty oil the area to be waxed. Also, if the beaver is overly hairy, the waxer may need to trim the beard before the wax begins........(aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh running from the room!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now if any of you out there who have had a brazillian and has had their waxer use a different technique do tell.....or if you are the waxer and know a different technique, do tell also, and may I just say both the waxer and the waxee are brave souls for partaking in this practice!

This is just way too much information to see from one client.....and some waxers do this all day long! One of my colleagues was working at a salon, where they put her on brazillian detail all day.....she saw like 6 beards in 6 hours..... what a bloody nightmare!!! She did tell me that she got used to it, and it didn't bother her....ok, I don't ever want to get used to looking at some strangers anus ( but they aren't strangers they are usually regulars she said, yeah, but they were strangers at one point, and I don't need to know my client that intimitely thanks)

So when telling my fellow students that I will never do this and if anyone comes in for a brazillian, it is all theirs. I ain't touching gross stranger anus. Blaaaahhhhhhhh!!! So my fellow students and instructors always say to me, but there is alot of money to be made in brazillians! Yeah, well there is alot of money to be made in porno, but I aint' doin that either..........

12 comments:

bunny said...

OMG Vampy that is the FUNNIEST post ever! You have to get that wax all up in thar and yank out the anushairs? I didn't realize people could be so weird about the human body in its natural state that they'd want their anal hairs ripped out. Good God!

mangey cur said...

Dude...even more vile on the second telling. Read it to RantBoy and he was rolling. Anyway, I guess I can't scheduale an anus Brazillian with you anytime soon then huh? Bummer. Hahaha pun intended.

Jennifer said...

Yuck!! In da crack?? YeeeeOUCH!! Just think of all the lips you'd get to see!! Ha ha... remember the chunky meat, mangey?

Garrison Steelle said...

Damn, you're not going to do porn? I SO had my hopes up! ;)

Explain to me, someone, why you wouldn't just do this yourself ... at HOME? Latent exhibitionist tendencies?

-G

Ms Bees Knees said...

I tried waxing my junk once, burned like hell! Oh the pain! The excruciating pain! Now I just shave, fuck it.

vampyregirl said...

my Karma I tell ya comes back to me so fast these days...not even a mere 24 hours after telling this tale, do I have to do a full body wax on a client yesterday...thank god she didn't want the brazilian/anus wax......however this woman was overly large, but she was also on her period and had on a pad!! oh god the smell!! the smell!!! needless to say this took me a good 2 hours to do.....

Jennifer said...

Oh that just sucks!!! What a biatch for being on her period!! I always make sure I'm not raggin'!!

mangey cur said...

Hehehe...sorry to chuckle toots, but I know how ya feel. I did tell you of the fat semi crazzay chick with low back issues that I had to massage in clinic? Complete with crusty shite stripe from crack up to low back? What's wrong with these fuckers?

SJ said...

Holy fucking shit. I knew it had to be a crappy job but hearing it described just sends shivers. I'm guessing they cost like $100 or something, because.. come on!

Pisser said...

EGAD!! This reminds me of an artist's model a friend told me about...apparently there was a string, and an odor...(!) But they didn't have to TOUCH the person! Holy Mother of Tampax - they could have at least worn a plug! >:P

Poor, poor Vampy...as if other people's zits aren't bad enough...invasion of the Unknown Anus! :(

nongirlfriend said...

Damn, that makes my ass hurt just thinking about it.

Elizabeth said...

LOL - too funny. I can't just see the horrific look on your face too!