Under Construction.....

Tis the season to remodel. Or fix a leak. Or both. We got a call from the city water district last week telling us we used 40,000 gallons of water. We are either water hogs or we have a leak.

You guessed it, we have a leak. And its under our pantry. And its damaged our bathroom. And Satan hit another water line while trying to find the leaky water line. Oh, and our hot water heater decided to call it a day and packed it in too.

So now we have no water. No water means, having to flush the toilet with a huge bucket. (luckily our water to our garden hose works...don't ask, we don't know either but at least we can fill buckets up.) No water means having to take sponge bob (square pants) baths. No water means having to wash your hair with bottled water.

No water means we are now moving forward with the bathroom remodel sooner than expected. Which means bigger bathroom, way better shower. However, this sponge bob bathing is getting old. I am actually starting to contemplate overdoing it with the perfume and calling it a shower.

Out look for new bathroom completion: two weeks.
Out look for water main fix: tomorrow.
Out look for hot water again: two weeks.

So it looks like we will be having cold showers starting tomorrow night. Hmm, maybe sponge bob doesn't look so bad now. At least I have been boiling the water before I sponge.

You Know Gas Prices Are High When.......

On Friday while at work, I am sitting out in the reception area waiting for my client, when suddenly we in the salon suddenly here a CRASH BOOM BAH....... So we go to the front windows to see whats up, and there was a car that pulled out of our parking lot, into on coming traffic and got hit by the car going north bound. So this doesn't sound to exciting, but the funny thing about this accident was who were in the car going north bound........ a car full of hookers. Yes hookers. I guess they decided to car pool to their street corner. Even hookers need to conserve gas these days.

So it was quite funny to see them in their hookin' outfits all on their cell phones, (were they calling their pimps or their first appointments to tell them they were going to be late?) in the middle of the day with all these soccer moms driving by staring and glaring at them, and trying to divert their childrens eyes as they are staring out the window at them.

I can just hear soccer moms conversation to their kids: "now children, here is the number one reason to stay in school and go to colleage and get a good job, otherwise you will be forced to wear clothing like that, and walk the streets for your pay. Unless you get hit in the front by a landrover, then you will be forced to call your pimp and tell him why you can't go to work, while the rest of society drive by and judge you."

The other funny thing was there was a witness on a bike who looked like he was trying to work out a deal with one of them, maybe he thought as they now maybe strapped for cash he could get a good half price deal.

When the cops arrived, it was interesting that they kept them there longer than the average victim of a car accident. They probably recognized them. The landrover that hit them were even able to leave sooner than the hookers.

Poor hookers. Maybe that will teach them to carpool to work.

TGIF

Nothing exciting to post today.....worked my ass off yesterday. Unfortunately, my ass was able to jump back on me before I left though.....too bad as that would have been a good chunk of weight gone.....

So here is a photo of one of my tulips that finally decided to bloom in my garden this week. Funny what a little sun can do huh?

Although today we are expecting sprinkles. It better be just sprinkles.

Hey, I will probably see the lovely Liz this weekend. As she no longer graces us on her blog.
I am going to Pacifica this weekend to see our friend Hil, as she is hosting a Cabi party. You know the one where Liz spent $2500.00 on clothes, yeah, that party. I think I am pretty safe though as their spring collection has mainly white in it.

Have a good weekend Kids!

Excuse Me While I Clarify My Reasons Why....

Ok, I guess I need to clarify, when I say, I hope I get clients this week for their much needed leg waxing..........and not, full body wax including the bung hole and bush.

And the new hairstylist asked me if I offer waxing of the vaginal area. Uh no. And then she asked me later....have you changed your mind. As she is obviously in need. I said, uh, no, mind still hasn't changed.

Today she got up the courage to ask me why I don't offer this. Plain and simple, people are not the cleanest down in that area, and it smells bad. I don't do well with body odor. She looked at me in horror. "I never thought of that" she said. "yeah, if you are a normally clean individual you kinda take it for granted that everyone is like that. But no. As I had that one woman who came in for her leg wax, and I swear it was part of her cleaning process as she was two shades lighter after I finished. And she wasn't that hairy. Just dirty. "

And don't get me started on how many people who come in for leg waxing have the most shit smelling feet I have ever smelled. So waxing the vaginal area and bung hole will not be happening at this establishment. But I will refer you to someone in another salon, so at least I can refer your stanky ass to someone who likes the smell of ass.

Blue Skies....Nothing but Blue Skies.....

and a few clouds too, do I see. But oh my gaaaaawwwwwddddd! It was sunny and warm today! I actually sat out on my deck (with my spf 30 +) and had my lunch AND read magazines! It was awesome! Totally Awesome!

Supposedly we are in for a week of clear skies. What shall I wear? What shall I do? A whole week of sun? This can't be happening! I am so excited right now! I only hope all my clients are totally stoaked by this as well, and come in for their much needed leg waxing appts, as biznezz has been slow the last couple o' weeks, due to the craptacular weather we have had....and of course taxs.... and now those are over too!!! It just keeps getting better and better! woo hoo!

Dumbasscus

Dumbasscus: noun (dum *ass*kus) he or she who is too stupid for words. One who does retarded things over and over again. the dog pictured here.

Used in a sentence: Spirit is the number one dumbasscus on the planet.


I was getting out of the shower yesterday morning, when I heard strange dog sounds on the other side of the door. So I wrapped a towel around myself and ventured out to see what was going on.

And what do I see, but none other than Spirit (dumbass) frothing at the mouth, banging his head on the ground, rubbing his face all over the floor. What the hell? I am thinking, was he stung by a bee? did he come in contact with a bad spider? oh god did he eat some drano? Do you suddenly have rabies? So I start looking around the room, and what do I see lying on the floor in my bedroom. But my pepperspray. Yes, dumb ass decided to chew on it, and it must have gone off one his face.

So I quickly went and got my robe on, got some ice cold wet towels and proceeded to hold them on his gums for the next 20 minutes. Poor stupid dumbass must have had his mouth feeling like it was on fire!

So after 30 minutes, dumbass is back to looking around for things to chew on. Did you not learn your lesson boy.....oh yeah, you are a dumbass.

Mom Always Said, Don't Play Ball In The House.....

Today I realized I have turned into my mother in the worst possible way: I lecture until I just can't lecture no more!

Speaking to one of the younglings at work today on the topic of sunscreen and why one needs it, I found myself saying things like: "I know you don't understand this right now, as you are too young", and "one day when you are my age, you will appreciate what I am trying to tell you", and then there is the kicker.."why are you arguing with me on this, my dear you are not going to win."

And as those words came from my mouth I think I was channeling my mother. Wholy shit, I am my mother! And in true being lectured at fashion, the youngling did put up a mighty good show of trying to be right. And it was bazzar to see myself 20 years ago trying to prove to my mother that I so knew what I was talking about.

Then I realized. My mom WAS always right. Shit.

And then I was sad, as I so wanted to call her up and tell her how sorry I was for all those stupid arguments I would get into with her, when I truly realize that I was the idiot and didn't know what I was talking about. But then I realized, somewhere in the great beyond she was right there with me today, I think that is why I was hit by the "you will appreciate what I am trying to tell you when you are my age" sound of her voice in me. I think she must have been sitting next to me egging me on, nudging me to go for the jugular with the final "you listen to me missy" tone in my voice.

I also realized something else today. There is another reason I do not want kids. As they would so loathe listening to me right now on ways to protect oneself against environmental aging.

Thats all I really wanted out of todays conversation anyway.

Just wear your sunscreen kids. You will thank me later.

Way of The Warrior

My bohemian mellowness is just not working on dog walks. I don't think I have it in me to be truly bohemian. And I have tried.

So today, I tried a different imagery. One of the Indian Warrior. And I must say, it worked quite well. However, I did get the image of a dude warrior and not the dudess. Does this mean I was a dude in a past life? Anyway, there I was in my cool warrior garb, and my cool warrior headdress. Walking beside me were my two loyal dogs ever so quiet as not to disturb the landscape and also so we can sneak up on our enemies or our food for the day.

Does this sound like I am going crazy? No, just trying to get into a calm zone to walk the two boys as they definitely need calm assertive energy around them, and I am so known to be a spaz about everything. (mangey knows this better than anyone! ok, satan too....)

I now must conjure up my warrior when I go on walks now. As it worked really well. I still would like to be more bohemian. Its just that finding a mellow state of mind is hard for me. Its much more easier to be the dominant warrior. And yet warriors are pretty mellow too, once you get on their good side.

Saturday Morning Post

Weather Report: you guessed it: RAINING!!!

Sports: Leo and Spirit tug o war match on the deck. Willow dancing around as the ref. Or is she just the annoying sister who wants to join in and play?

News: Satan and Vampy will be celebrating their 13th anninversary on Sunday. Lucky 13 or is it EVIL 13!

Taxs are due next week, and still have not received anything back from the accountant. Is this good or bad? I have a feeling it is BAD........time to crack open the savings....God Damn IT!

The word is still out on whether or not the cat fighting hair stylist will be let go or not. Word has it that she is back in today, and so is all the other stylists, hmmmm, will we have round two on our hands today? Maybe I need to bring my camera to work.....

The diet I am on is starting to suck. I actually gained poundage this week.....how did that happen? Hmmm, maybe that's what happens when one adds "Cadburys Mini Eggs" to the menu...oh, did they mean an actual egg? oh well.......luckily Easter is next week, and the Mini Eggs will disappear again.....

Till next time, have a kick ass weekend!

And remember, it is always better to be the kicker of ass, and not the kickee of ass!

The Shit goes down again!

So in trying to find new (let me rephrase that) old tunes I haven't listened to in awhile to listen to, I came across my LA Guns "Hollywood Vampires" tape. Yes, tape. I still have some odd tapes lying around. And my car actually comes with CD and tape player. (my car must of known ahead of time what owner it was getting....) but now I am totally hooked on this album again! I haven't listened to it in like 12 -13 years! It so made my drive to and from work kickin......

Anyway, in other news, why is it that I ALWAYS miss out on the drama at work? Why? So today, I go at lunch to get my car insurance switched over to the same company that our house insurance is under, and while I am gone for a mere 20 minutes, a fight, yes fight between the hairdressers breaks out! FUCK!!!!!!!!!! Why don't you guys wait for me to get back for this kinda shit! Anyway, turns out the new hairdresser used some perm rod papers that didn't belong to her, and just took them out of another hairdressers cabi, and all hell broke loose! New chick threw a wad of perm papers at one hair dresser who was merely getting a drink of water, then the other hairdresser called the new chick childish, in which the new chick then starts cussing and screaming at her telling her to (and I quote) " mind your own damn buziness,,,bitch!"
Ok, so this I was told not only sent the chick who got called a bitch out of the salon and her client as well, but the dueling hairdressers threatened to leave and go else where if this newbie isn't gone by tomorrow!

All of this in 20 minutes I'm tellin ya! When I got back there was like the owner, the chick that got beaned in the head with the perm paper, and the new chick there acting like nothing happened. But chick that got beaned, looks up at me and goes, Vampy, why are you always gone when shit goes down.....

So I have made new Vampyre rules at work:

if there is to be a fight, or a car chase, or some weird ass chick taking her clothes off across the street (yeah forgot to tell you about that one) or anyother weird ass shit going down, please make sure it is when I am here. Because, I am starting to believe that you are all messin with me. And it is so not April Fools Day anymore.

It Can't Rain All The Time......

Or can it? I am seriously really getting sick of this weather. How many days of rain have we had now? I think we had 5 days of non rain for the whole entire month of March!! And here we are the second day of April, and still raining!!!

I so want to be out in my garden planting my flowers and getting my veggie patch turned over for the summers veg. Or even just trying to Dog Proof the veggie patch would be something to do besides sit here and watch the rain come down.

It wouldn't be bad if I was in England. That is the whole charm of England is the weather. But I am in Friggin California man, the land o sunshine, and I am seriously getting depressed. Like living in Sucramento depressing. I remember those days growing up there and being depressed in the early part of the year because of the sucky valley fog.

And what will probably really suck is that after all this fuckin rain, we will probably go right into extreme heat. I WANT MY SPRING DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You would think my house would be spotless right now as I have been inside for so long, but no, as this weather has actually made me stay at work longer so when I have gotten home I have been too tired to clean this pig sty.

So here is a list of my rainy tunes to help me wallow in my misery of this depression:

1. 1. It Can't Rain All The Time- Jane Siberry (the Crow Soundtrack)
2.Irresponsible Hate Anthem - Marilyn Manson (Antichrist Superstar)
3.Beauty and the Beast - Stevie Nicks (Wild Heart)
4.Lullaby - The Cure
5.No Time to Cry - Sisters of Mercy
6 Any Nick Drake song.....except pink moon as that reminds me of the summer
7.Holding Back the Years- Simply Red

ok, think I will go and eat now....and listen to some more rainy day tunes......