That'll Take The Fear Out Of Being Waxed!

Now that today was my last day ever for working for someone, I thought maybe I would go to work looking like this if I so feel like it tomorrow!!

I must say that is a fantastic mascara/false eyelash he has going on there!!

Would you get a facial from me like this??? But of course you would....how about a wax...now that would take the fear out of the feel of the pain of the wax being ripped off of you now wouldn't it......especially if I could make a face like the one on the left as I rip away...I think that will be my wax face!!!!

Oh, and to Mangey......did I tell you I don't like being Micromanaged??? (ha!)

Have Yourself A Very Satanic Birthday!

Happy Birthday Satan!!

Yes, it is #34 for the old Satanic one....we are going to catch a movie this afternoon, we are both gonna "bunk" (english Satan word) off work early and go watch Star Wars....still trying to wrap his presents at the moment......and I totally forgot to get him a cake......I am such a good wife aren't I....??????

Spoiled Bratt

Found this old photo circa 1988, thought it was way too hilarious to laugh on my own. Yes, this is vampy when she was known as Spoiled Bratt. I was 21 years old....

This photo Mangey took for our then "fake" band, Toxik Shokk.... I was supposedly the lead guitarist, Mangey was on drums, she was known as Kat Klaw....my best friend was lead singer, Terry Towel, and my other friend on bass, JL Trash......we couldn't play worth shit, but damn we thought we looked good, and that was all that mattered......it was in the height of glam metal....and we loved it!!

Not Just A Puppet On A String...No Ties to Anything.....

One week to go and I will be done with the corporate world.....goodbye cruel heartless corporate bullshit.....no more calling and asking boss if it is ok to do this....or that.....no more monday morning conference calls.....no more boss calling me to telll me how much I suck at this job.....no more boss to yell back at to tell her to kiss my fat ass.........no more having to be nice to my accounts that I actually hate and don't give a shit about......no more waking up out of sound sleep remembering I forgot to do something that one of my accounts or evil boss asked me to do......no more micro managing ass holes who find it most enjoyable to read page after page of mindless bullshit that they make us worker bees fill out each week just for the hell of it.....no more corporate meetings that suddenly turn into christian jubilee camphell.....no more having to bite my tongue during meetings when asked how I feel about some stupid shit I could care less about.....no more having to read corporate emails about how fabulous the mindless drone in butt fuck America is drunk on the corporate Kool Aide and has opened 20,0000 accounts and the rest of us losers need to get with the program and start drinking the shit too...

I will be free.

I have taken a small breath of freedom this week as I started working at my new life. I must say it is a weightless feeling....floating...yes I feel like I am floating...the dreaded weight has been loosened on me and it is only hanging on to me by my little toe....soon to go crashing down to the next person who takes the job......

Free, I will be.

And I look forward to the full breath of freedom.........

Driven To Drink....................

Our friends came up to visit this weekend, this included evil spawn and their dog. (liz' god dog)

Ok, so this should be interesting, as ES hasn't been here in awhile, he is a little older, lets see how long it takes for me to release the evil.......sunday was releasing the evil day......but before that on Saturday was old lady boxing day........

You see sophie (the dog) is 10 years old...has always been a one dog family, doesn't do well with sharing, her and beloved ghostie used to go rounds with each other when we lived next door......but with ghost gone we thought, she would be ok, as she never had problems with the precious..........ok, maybe she did and she just saved it for ghost..........now the precious is 12 years old, so we are talking a 70 year old lady (sophie) and a 84 year old lady (the precious).......and what do they do when they see each other...you guessed it, they started a boxing match....both on hind legs feet a flying teeth a flashing growling and barking mad!!!!! So after rounds of all of us yelling at them to stop....we realize after 2 minutes of the arrival of our guests...this may have been a bad idea.......if they were really old ladies it would have been with handbags a swinging, wigs a flying............but I think sophie must of had a brick in her handbag as she got into it again with the precious later on, and popped her one when she wasn't looking.....oh yeah, she also had a go with Willow....now willow is 3 however, she is the worlds wussiest dog...so when Sophie started in on her she ran......and all sophie could get was a little scratch off of Willows ass.....so poor sophie was banned from the house most of the time and sequestered in the guest room the rest of the time....

Now evil spawn.....was fine on Saturday (apart from forgetting to close doors and letting the dogs in when they weren't supposed to be.)....however Sunday was my breaking point....trying to do the dog shuffle, keep evil spawn at bay while his mom cooked breakfast...(where was Satan and Father of Evil Spawn?? Hiding out in the Manshed........believing all is well up at the house) oh by the way, did I tell you I am highly PMS'D this weekend.....so when ES decided to spill the milk (literally) I was ready to leave.....was it the loud tantrum of not being able to watch the correct tv channel that sent me over the edge, or was it the changing of the mind every 2.5 seconds that did it..............however I did find happiness after 3 glasses of Margaritas......(and it was only 11:45 am on Sunday)......this was the first time in my life I realized that I was actually driven to drink.............................

Is That the Devil I see, Pushing a Car??

I feel like I am moving out. I have packed my car with all my facial stuff...it is jammed packed to the rafters!!(yes, my car has rafters, don't be too jealous!) Tomorrow I will be moving into my new esthetician room!! I am so excited!! I got another call from the owner of the salon telling me she had two more people wanting facials today!! So they are anxious to meet with me she says.....well of course they would be.........

Poor Satan today, his car died on the freeway , he had to coast off the exit lane and push his car the rest of the way in the pouring rain to a safe destination....and no one helped him!!! Could it be that they saw his red horns sticking through his head scarf and thought better skip their encounter with Satan?? Luckily we do have Triple A plus that gives you 100 miles of free towage! So he had a nice ride home with the tow truck dude.....

Bipolar called today, in freak out mode (you were right mangey, she was bound to have a mood swing)....left me a message....tried to call her back, but she wasn't around...oh well, I tried.......

Oh yeah, my business cards arrived today....and yeah, they look cool. Did I tell you I did go with Skin Addiction??

What Part Of "I Quit" Don't You Understand???

Ok, so I quit via email......then she called like three times the next day to talk.....we spoke, she understood, accepted it, we moved on.........or so I thought......


I get a call around 3pm....its her, not gonna answer I have already said I'm outta here, so around 5:15pm, I remembered I had a voicemail, ok, guess I will see what is up...

Well as it turns out, not only did I give notice but within a 24 hour period, two other people gave notice too!!!! So now, everyone has their panties in a twist, and we need to have an "emergency" meeting next thursday where the head honchos from LA will be up to speak with us....do damage control....hog tie us to the office and make us stay, turn us into the "stepford" consultants and we leave wearing pink (ackkk!) petticoats bufont hairdos and fake smiles on our faces..............or just say you guys suck we hate you leave now..........


And in other news, I GOT MY STATE BOARD DATE!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is on Friday July 8th....so I guess I better start studying for real now, as I have quit my job, there is no turning back, I need to pass this damn thing in order to survive!!!!! So everyone mark your calenders as this date will go down in history as the day Vampyregirl moves from employee scum, to owning her own business and is a licensed esthetician scum!!! Yahoooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Vampyre Out!

I can't even quit when I want to............I am planning on giving notice today......and I am trying to come up with the correct thing to say......so many non politically correct things fly out of my mouth during these types of events, so I am trying to write what I want to say........

And then my cell phone rings....its the evil one, checking in, blah blah blah...BLECK! I am not ready to talk to you yet, can't you see (or maybe not as you are not here) that I am trying to compose my I quit speach to you...........


So 45 minutes goes by and I am dialing her number...........its ringing,,,,and ringing.....and ringing......and then goes to her voice mail!! Mother Fucker!!! Don't make me have to call you back again!!! So I leave a very vague message.....and that I would call back later.......FUCK!!!!

It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so confrontational, and won't let you get a word in edge wize.....or give you a guilt trip for leaving........

Damnit....well, at least I have more time to compose what I want to say....maybe I will take the easy way out and email her my notice.....then just not answer the phone the rest of the day...that might work!

Ok, back to composing, wish me luck......I hate doing this shit...........

Bloodletting.....

So I knew today would suck, since this morning while making breakfast, I sliced the top of my finger with the knife....not life threating, but painful just the same, and of course it is on the top of my finger, so band aids don't stay on very well....

So I took bandaid off later in the day, hmm, looks ok, not bleeding perfusely anymore...think I will be ok, hmmm, look theres Target, must go in and buy stuff......while in at Target looking at frames to put my diploma in, why does my finger feel sticky against my wallet??? Mother Fucker, my finger is bleeding again!!! In Target of all places.....Fuck!

Head over to the bandaid isle, what the fuck, its a sea of bandaid brands, every bandaid you could ever want with the sesame fuckin street characters on it,, but of course no Marlyn Manson bandaids for the goth that slices herself open.....hmmm, think I will try these freaky ones that look like finger condoms....so I proceed to bandage myself up in Target, and yes, I did buy the box, but couldn't wait till I got outside to fix myself up, as the blood kept oozing out of me, and didn't feel like walking around target with my finger in my mouth.......did get some ghastly looks from the soccer mom crowed who were prowling the isles next to me, (why the fuck do they put band aids next to the diaper isle...yeah, evil spawn hurt themselves alot, but please, not everyone likes to have to deal with soccer moms and evil spawn and bandages all in the same isle) were they staring in disbelief at vampyre woman taking apart bandaids in the middle of Target, or was it the blood dripping from my mouth that caught them by surprise?.....

After I doctored myself up, I continued on my quest for frames, which I did buy three, I also purchased a cool mirror for my facial room, a prezzie for Satan (whos birthday is this month, the 29th), the Star Wars Episode 1 (they didn't have espisode II) as Satan will not let us go and see Episode III until we have seen the other two......(.damn it, why do you have to be so anal with your movie viewing??) and my last purchase was Otis Spunkmyers Chocolate Chocalate Chip muffins.....with a name like Spunkmyer, you would think people would run in the other direction of these things, however Mr. Satan will only eat Otis' Chocolate Chocolate Chip muffins for breakfast....no other chocolate chip muffin will do...we have tried every kind....not good enough....and now our Safeway up by us does not carry them anymore, so now I have to get these friggin muffins anywhere I can find them.....damn picky eaters........

And I am not even pms'd....I am just in a fowl mood today, now where is that Mail Man, I need to beat him shitless for not delivering my State Board Date yet......................

Misty Water Colored Memories........(shut it Babs!)

ok, I was tagged by chicken, so hopefully I get this right.......

when you receive my tag, you must delete the first name on the list, then add yours to the bottom and pass it on......or so I think it goes....(damn I am really stupid tonight........)
the following people have passed on this blog ring:(meme memories)

feistyrepartee
lollygaggin
junebugg
chicken
vampy

and here was the question: what were your fondest childhood memories....I think that was the question......what did chicken put? hang on a minute......yeah, it was memories...ok

my fondest memories of childhood, uh, lets just say in general....as that is what chicken put:

1. hanging out with my mum when I was little
2. the day I married Satan
3. whoring at the Stone with Mangey
4. my vacation trip to England when I met Satan
5. summer time in Santa Barbara

ok, all you sinners, Swing! (or rather, its your turn) : SJ, Kissyfur, Mz. Macy, DarkDreams........
(mangey, chicken tagged you already.....)

Our Next Destination: Creech Hill

So for my graduation present from my in laws, I got this cool book called, This Spectred Isle, it is full of all the haunted places in England!! So in looking through it I have found a real screamer of a place to go and visit called Creech Hill....here is what the book says:

This part of Somerset is full of tales of mystery, rooted in the strange places like Creech Hill, where in the remains of a Romano-Celtic temple on the summit, two crossed bodies were discovered in the 18th century.

This hill has an evil reputation, and is said to be the haunt of a boggart-or bullbeggar, to give it its local name, which manifests itself as a gruesome black shape that screeches and shrieks with manic laughter! A farmer once came across what he thought was an injured man lying beside the road, but when he approached to offer help it rose up to an immense height above him and emitted a fearsome scream. The farmer fled, but the thing followed him, and he only just reached the safety of his home. As his wife tried to comfort him she caught sight of the long black figure bounding back up the hill, laughing inanely. Another man had no choice other than to cross the hill one night, despite its reputation. As he marched firmly up the hill, armed with a stout stick, he suddenly felt deathly cold and something tall and black rose up out of the ground in front of him. He struck out at it but his stick went straight through it and he found himself transfixed to the spot. Surrounded by incessant peals of awful laughter, he was unable to free himself until the first rooster crowed at the first light of morning.....


Cooooool!!! Anyone up for a midnight stroll at Creech Hill with me???????

The Adventures of Stunt Nerd: The Racquetball Match of Death

As I have nothing new to report, I thought I would write another episode re: Stunt Nerd......If you remember stunt nerd was my friend in 6th grade who flew down my driveway on her nerd bike and nearly biffed off of it, instead she came crashing down on her seat with her teeth a chattering.........

Anyway, one summer we decided we would go play racquetball. Her father had a membership to the local indoor racquetball club, so we thought it would be fun to go and play.....

Well, stunt nerd of course was decked out in her safety goggles, knee pads, elbow pads and of course happenin' head gear (this was for her teeth) ready for our match.....I being a mere evil spawn at the time was just there in my sweats and tshirt......

So for most of the game, the matches were pretty short as neither of us were very good with hand, eye coordination, and when one of us managed to actually hit the ball the other one missed the return.........however, we finally got a long volley happening....we were actually starting to break sweat......the ball was flying back and forth between racquets......I slammed my raquet against the ball, it goes crashing up against the wall......stunt nerd comes running up ready for the return........however, she misjudged how far away she actually was to the wall.........and she runs SMACK right into the wall!!!! Her racquet went flying one direction, her head gear hung off the side of her head, her goggles were all askew on her head.........she stumbled backward a bit and fell to the ground........

Oh yes, my young evil laughter was heard echoing across the raquetball courts.....I couldn't stop laughing......the more I looked at her, the more I laughed, it got to the silent fits of laughter where I was gasping for air........and what about stunt nerd......

She was still lying on the floor, as I got closer to her, I could see the tears welling up in her eyes.....but she didn't want to let on that she was hurt .....and the fact that her young vampyre friend was in fits of laughter was not helping.......she got up.....picked up her racquet, adjusted her head gear and goggles, and limped off the court.......

Stunt nerd didn't speak to me on this one for about 2 days......her mom picked us up from the racquetball club about 30 minutes after the incident, we drove back to my house in total silence, her mom looking at us like what the hell happened.....but stunt nerd would not speak of what happened, I couldn't talk without going back into fits of laughter.....I got out of the car, closed the door and stunt nerd and her mom drove away........

But again, two days later, she showed up on my doorstep.........with a nice red imprint on her face where her head gear had made contact with the wall.......

Speaking Yodish

I got an email sent to me yesterday from my father in law.....he begins his email:

Dear Satan and Yoda......

Yoda????? What the fuck??? Why are you calling me yoda????

Am I short, big earred, bald, wrinkly, and troll like????

Do I wear brown robes????

Is the force strong with me????

Does my voice really sound that bad??


So I wrote back why the fuck are you calling me Yoda??

And his reply:

It's just that in your previous you wrote........"She has gone to Ireland and Italy, so she is even out of the country gone!!"

So I DO speak Yodish.....interesting, and I don't realize that I do this..........

Now, if I could float, only..... (does yoda float, I thought I saw him float once, or was it the brownies that made me think he floats?) Yoda floats, me thinks...........

It Ain't Over Till The Fat Lady Falls Out Of Her Chair....

Thursday morning, according to my billy tae bo rotation video schedule, it is considered a "rest" day....hmmmm, can that be for the whole day....I think that would suit me just fine......

I can hear it now from the evil bosses:uh, vampy, you were supposed to work today!
Me: well, Billy Blanks told me to rest today, so I took his advice!
Evil B- Uh, you are so fired
Me- uh, no, I so Quit!!........

Anyway, so it is day 12 of my diet and exercise regime. I have lost 7 pounds so far.....how come I am not happy with that, I want to see 14 pounds gone damnit!! 14 !! Not 7!!!! Just because it took me 7 months to gain this weight from being in school, does it really mean its gonna take just as long to lose it!!!! FFFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

So I had to be at an event in one of my accounts yesterday, the owner of the salon is such a bitch.....she didn't even look or say two words to me and the esthetician all day, she didn't even slightly flinch when the fat lady fell out of her chair and went crashing on to the floor. (and no, this wasn't me, I do not fall out of chairs in public, I save this for all that come to my house)

It was sad and funny at the same time, I swallowed my laughter to help her (as she was right next to me) yes, I know what I am, but can't help it, people falling over make me laugh....but you would think bitch salon owner would make sure this woman was ok, do the words I am gonna sue you come to mind bitch?? Obviously not, as she walked, yes walked by me and fat lady as I was trying to help her up....just stepped over us!!!!!! Not even I am that heartless....I may laugh as you hit the ground with a mighty SPLAT, but I will help you up and make sure you are ok........

FL was ok, just rather embarrassed, as you can imagine, but I could tell she had hurt her knee, so went and got an ice pack for her........(see there is some feeling deep inside my evil black heart)

Bitch Owner still didn't ask her if she was ok, infact she left after she was done with her client, and went to lunch!!! Amazing.............