Saturday, July 03, 2004

Attack of the 50 pound Dog....

It's Saturday morning, no alarm clocks to wake me up, I can sleep in as long as I want so I am sleeping zzzzzz...zzzzz...Then all of a sudden I have this searing pain ripping through my right nipple like it is being torn off, no its not Satan feeling horny, but my youngest dog standing with full force on my nipple...and she just stands there wagging her tail, wondering what I am shrieking about,, Satan rolls over and wants to know why I am screaming, as I am in so much pain I can't even get the dog off of me, and I can barely say the words,, dog,,,standing....on....nipple,,,,help...me....!!!! So finally he gets the dog off of me, and I think if I look down there will be this deflated breast, but no it is fine, just red, but fine...

So off to sleep I go again, this time I roll on to my stomach to make sure I am not stepped on again. My face is facing my dresser drawers, and off I go to the sleep zone again,,,,,,zzzzzzz.zzzzz....zzzzz....ok, what was that, did I just get kicked in the mouth? I must be dreaming,,,, wait there it is again, and this time I feel like it has drawn blood, what the fuck,,, my dog has jumped back up on the bed, this time she is sound asleep but her back end is facing me and she is having a dream, and her back foot is hitting me square in the mouth...what is it with this dog? Did I forget to feed her? Did I not play with her enough?? Where is this coming from? So now I am wide awake with a boob that feels like the size of a watermelon, and my mouth feels like I was just punched by a prize fighter. Only I can have a morning like this, especially on a Saturday at 8 in the morning.

However, I have recovered since this mornings attack. My boob is much better, and my mouth didn't swell up as I was expecting it, but will this little incident keep me from having my dog on the bed with me. Probably not. Why because I am a sucker for her cute little face when she looks up at me wanting a snuggle on the bed.

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

Oooooooooooooouuuuuuuucccccccchhhhh!!!!!!
Now I know what guys feel like when some talks of their privates being hurt!!! That is so funny though!! Animals have no sense of what they're doing, that's cute. Until you get hurt, of course. ;)

Glad you recovered!

Elizabeth said...

OMG - it's bad enough when a cat does it, I can only imagine having your dog standing on it! Ooohh, owww..

Pisser said...

Thanks, I needed that!

Sorry about the nipplage, though.
My cat (the blind one) runs over my face like so much roadkill almost every morning now...not to mention the daily catfight on my head.

But you win, 'cuz doggie probably outweighs the little furry bastids.

nongirlfriend said...

The late great Sparky used to wander over to me in bed, let a rank one rip and go to the opposite end of the bed to fall asleep.

Buzzy now does it to me. And I think he, too, does it on purpose.