Friday, July 30, 2004

Zombies, Starbucks and Evil Spawn Oh MY!

Went to the school yesterday with coworker to help her out to do a training.  Can't believe how many brain dead people go to school, I think the students were all sharing one brain cell.  Either that or I have found the school where the zombies go.    But it was most amusing,  as it was a very diverse lot, there was the usual beauty school girls all makeup, glitter and every hair color you can imagine in their hair, their was the beauty school drop out sleeping in the corner chair, and then there was the odd ones that just made you wonder, why are you here?  This question mainly went to this one guy who looked to be about 24 who may have been lost as he looked like he should have been at a school to learn carpentry instead of how to give someone a facial.  Very strange as he was wearing a jacket with his hood pulled up so you could barely see his face, maybe he was embarrassed that he was in beauty school??

Anyway, after class we went to Starbucks.  We get our coffee and sit down, and  more people are coming in and sitting down, and what to my horrors do I realize that I am sitting in the middle of baby central!!  AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

There is this one woman to my left who thinks that she can leave her toddler sitting in the chair while she can go off and get coffee, thinking I am going to look after her kid, uh, you may have read Hil Clinton's book, it takes a village, but you have entered my village lady and this village ain't looking after your kid.  So of course the kid goes wandering off around Starbucks and when the lady comes back to the seat and her child isn't there she gives me a filthy look  and starts yelling for her kid.  I just looked at her with a stare like, just say something please, but of course, she just looked away and went after her kid.

Then, two friends come in wielding baby buggies and want to sit in the handy cap chairs that are to my right and so they bump into my seat with their buggies, not even and excuse me, just a shove, like I should of had eyes in the back of my head and should have known the baby buggy patrol was on its way, again, I just did my lethal glare at them, and they quickly wielded their buggies around my table.  So the one leaves her  buggy no less than 3 inches from my leg with the child still aboard it.  And its starting to make noises.  The other woman has positioned her buggy next to the window so her child is getting all the death rays from the sun on it.    I am now giving my lethal glare to the buggy and child next to my leg, and the mother must sense the lasers from my eyes penetrating her precious child and she quickly takes it from the buggy and plonks it on her lap, and then her and her friend start talking loudly about how lovely their children are and blah blah blah how wonderful it is to be mothers...

Did I come to Starbucks to be educated on the wonderful lives of mothers and babies??  NO, I just wanted a friggin cup of coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So to make baby hell complete, there looks like a newborn two seats away with mother and father.  And what does newborn decide to do, let out one of those god awful ear piercing "I'm gonna fuck with all of you non breeder" screams!  Now, one would think if you have a screaming child in a coffee shop the polite thing to do would be to either A. Put pillow over child's head and muffle screams, or B. Take the screaming child outside so it can whale to the world.  But no, they instead look around with that fuckin' I have a fabulous child look on their face and do nothing more than cluck at the child, thinking that is going to do anything.  Now, at this time, it is when my coworker looks at me, and says, oh my god, I forgot you don't like children do you?  As she is a mom herself and I have at this point realized she is the baby magnet here, as when these people came through the door she was smiling at them and giving that I have children too  vibe off.  She then says, do you want to leave,  and I just looked at her and said, what do you think?  

My conclusion of my Starbucks moment is this, isn't really the child I dislike so much, or is it the smug yuppy parents who make me wanna turn into rage mode, the real problem?  The only thing I can think of is note to self, never ever go into the Starbuck's in the center of Yuppy town again!

12 comments:

nongirlfriend said...

Oh, God, I am SO there with you, Vampy.

Kids...awful.

Screaming bratty kids whose parents think their behavior is cute...fucking awful.

Jennifer said...

What the hell Starfucks where you at lady?? LOL
Let me guess, Laurel Heights, Pacific Heights or the Marina, here in the City??

Mid day, they all become the mothers clubs. Liz will like this post... but she's too busy with her lovah!

vampyregirl said...

I was at the Starfucks in San Rafael!! And yes, haven't heard from liz, as she has been with her lovah!!

Pisser said...

Nooo...offspring should be banned from Starbucks!
Whether you're under-or-overcaffeinated, screaming
babies are not a good thing. Not a good thing
at all...I hope they've developed a baby silencer
by the time my eggs get poached.

Or maybe I'll just keep 'em in the deep freeze...
*shudder*

Pisser said...

Liz is "doing it". Heh huh huh huh. Huh.

vampyregirl said...

Liz better not give us this PG-13 stuff again after her three day fling with her Luvah!!

and freeze those eggos pisser!!

Christopher said...

Heh heh hello Darling! Thanks so much for coming and casting your dark shadow on my funky little webpage. I just moved back to Boise from living in the bay area, now I reside in a household of lovely Switchblade Symphony and Siouxsie loving nutcases...so at least I am in good company. I'm glad you enjoyed the pictures, there are probably a few here and there within the archives you might enjoy. If you read the earliest entries until about mid april, you can see how much fun I had living in SF and terrorizing people.

missfee said...

oh man, am so not envying the babies en masse scenario... despite the magnitude of my disliking for the little buggers I always seem to be surrounded by them... it's as if my bad vibes actually attract rather than repel, it's just not on.

Woman of Scorn said...

I don't hate babies either, but I do hate the parents. Especially the too young to be parents, parents heh. I can't stand when folks let their offspring run around like heathens. for shame.

Elizabeth said...

Holy fucking shit...that was hilarious. Good thing I wasn't there with you...our evil glares united may have imploded the place.

Special K said...

Hmm, I dunno about deep freezing those eggos, Pisser... I think a mini Pisser (a Pisserette, if you will) might be pretty amusing... or it could possibly destroy the world as we know it. Either way, pretty bitchin' if you as me ;-)

Christopher said...

Linked ya babes! I couldn't resist!!! xoxoxo