Friday, August 27, 2004

Beware: The Granny Panty Theif

Before I leave for the weekend, thought I would tell the story of the granny panty theif.

Lately, I have noticed that my comfortable underwear are starting to dissappear..they are not granny panties, they are normal comfortable Victoria Secret undies. However, Satan says they are granny panties, as they cover my whole ass, unlike the thong undies that I also have.

Satan of course likes me to wear the thong undies, all the time, however, I do find them uncomfortable if I wear them all day. I usually only wear them during the day, hence for not having any unslightly panty lines when I am at work..in fear that Trinny and Suzanah (what not to wear, bbcamerica) are gonna jump out at me somewhere and point out that my "granny Panties" make me look like I have 2 extra ass cheeks.

So before going to bed, I change into comfortable undies....why do I wear undies to bed do you ask? Well if I don't, Satan thinks it is an automatic invitation from me to be pinched, pulled, proded, etc., etc... and yes, I do enjoy those things, but not every single night!! So if I wear the "granny panties" it is obviously not such a turn on for Satan, and I can actually get some sleep.

However, lately I have noticed him going out to do the laundry a little more lately..and I haven't really put two and two together, just thought he was being ever so nice and actually doing some chores...but since his laundry days, I have noticed I am slowly losing my "granny panties". and the only ones coming back are the thongs......

So, today, I am searching and searching for my comfy undies to pack for my trip this weekend, and can't find any in my drawer....so I say to Satan, are you stealing my granny panties and throwing them away?? Usually when I accuse him of stealing my socks (as I usually get back a sock when I have put two in the wash), he says, why the fuck would I take your socks when I have oodles of my own..(he really does, I have never seen someone with so many socks before) but this time, he just let out a low evil chuckle....and had this evil grin on his face!! Damn it man! I knew there was something going on with my undies!!

Well foolish Satan, doesn't realize stealing ones undies and throwing them out only means that this weekend is an open invitation for me to go out and spend spend spend money on new comfy undies!!!! Satan, you maybe crafty and oh so evil, but you mess with my undies man, and you will pay (literally) pay for new ones!!

17 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Oh I can totally imagine his evil laugh too! He is totally guilty!!

Maybe you should start emptying all his chocolate stashes....just to see what would happen!

Killy said...

I friggin' hate thongs... butt floss is mightily uncomfortable, and wearing it all the time can lead to narsty snoopy-related infections. I am the QUEEN of Victoria's Secret granny panties. I can't believe Satan stole your knickers! Bad Satan! Bad! No sex for you! (okay, maybe a little) ;-)

miss macy said...

That's a silly thing to do since they are totally replaceable. And I am sure you can find area's of his wardrobe that need some "improving". But you find the Ultimate in GRANNY PANTIES and wear them just to bother him. Show him what real granny panties are...

SJ said...

Real Granny Panties are on my ass as we speak. They are Fruit of the Loom. They come 6 in a pack at Walmart. The colors vary, but you are very likely to get zero prods and pinches when wearing them.

Killy said...

I agree. I think you should get the biggest panties EVER and sport them all the time around the house. Kinda reminds me of the time my friend and I bought these TREMENDOUS pink underwear that were big enough for BOTH OF US AT THE SAME TIME and gave them to another friend for her birthday.

You should start The Great Knickers War of 2004!! Keep us posted on new developments.

Elizabeth said...

Yes that was be funny to hear of Satan's reaction to you suddenly sporting some really ugly panties.

(although I guess he would resort to just ripping them, right?)

Or, you could go the opposite extreme and get some slut gear!

In either case, just act like nothing is new.

mangey cur said...

Sportin' holy, Simpsons grannies as we speak. Oh so comfy and ugly. My giant gray ones are best, but wore them jogging last week and ended up kicking them off before I got home..seems the elastic just ain't what it used to be.

Jennifer said...

*notices no MEN commented on this entry* Interesting!! ;)

I think men assume we wear thongs to be sexy all the time and don't realize it's actually so we don't have panty lines!! LOL You never, err rarely see them where anything for US! Gah! Stoopids! lol

Jessica said...

Wonder if Saten would like to sport a thong all day every day. Maybe you should snag his underwear and replace them with only thongs, see if he likes it.

Smiley said...

I think you should wear what makes you comfortable.
Like granny panty's are going to intimidate us men.

nongirlfriend said...

I feel strange if I wear regular undies - I guess I've been wearing thongs for too long.

That is hilarious...make him suffer, Vampy. Evil Satan.

vampyregirl said...

yes, today I am going to buy new undies...it will be grand...and maybe I will get some thong undies for satan to wear...knowing him, he will probably love them! well no panty lines in satan's jeans then! although, I don't think he does have panty lines, do men get panty lines?? is it the type of undies they wear?? hmmm and this thong thing is just a gimmick to make us women buy uncomfortable undies just for the sake of fashion...hmmmm, when i get home i will have to go and investigate this finding, and try on some of satans and see if i get panty lines...to be continued..

Killy said...

Guys usually wear more loose-fitting clothes, so panty-lines aren't as much of an issue. It also depends on what kind of undies. Is he a boxers or a briefs man? ;-)

mangey cur said...

Panty lines on dudes are usually on gross business types that wear cream colored nylon/polyester suit pants,have tucked in cotton long sleeve shirts that bunch up so they have a shirt roll as well. Back in the disco era I recall on the bus to high school viewing many an AngelFlights clad ass sportin Jockey briefs lines which just accentuated the unattractive ensamble.

Killy said...

Mangey, I was about to say that I'm glad I missed that era (the whole disco thing), but then I remembered that I grew up in the 80s and 90s, which were similarly bad times for fashion and overall taste. ::shudder::

bunny said...

I have three kinds of panties: performance underwear, which is highly uncomfortable; the really comfy and expensive (for me) Gap Body ones, that are some kind of special fabric that gives you absolutely no lines and is highly comfortable; and the Wal-Mart specials. I have had sex wearing all three. For me, the performance underwear didn't really add to anything and is therefore not only not an appropriate investment, but is also uncomfortable enough to be useless. They also act as a preventative measure, b/c with rare exception, when I wear performance underwear I end up not getting any. It's some odd universal law for me. If I wear the granny underwear, I'm a man magnet.

bunny said...

I meant inappropriate investment.