Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Shock the Monkey

I have put together a photo blog, for your viewing pleasure...hope it amuses you all...

In other news..I did yoga this morning...totally kicked my ass. Can I just say I HATE table pose, I think it has something to do with the fact that I have weak wrists, as that is the most painful part of the pose. But after yoga I do feel better. I have been having those I just want to run run run away feelings again. My job is making me want to lose my mind I think. I think as it is mind numbiling boring I don't want to do it. And having to keep my boss at bay is getting tiresome...so I actually went on Monster yesterday, and started thinking...what the fuck am I doing. I don't want another boring pathetic job. I already have one, thanks.

So I had a talk with Satan last night about my current situation with work, and he understands...although I think it makes him nervous when I talk about just saying fuck it all to hell and quit, as he is not a turn on wim type person, so he thinks that I will actually do what I say before thinking it through...no I am just frustrated with work.... whats new....

It is hard to put into words how I feel about my situation...its like I know what I need to do, but I am stuck, or I would rather sulk in my misery and not do anything, and the frustration builds up inside of me. I have been getting "signs" of the universe smacking me upside the head recently, and I need to stop taking the blows and do something with my life.

I spoke with the woman who is starting up her own spa again yesterday, and she said she had been thinking about me alot, and totally said that I should open my own business, as I would be "awesome" (that was her word) . So with this woman who barely knows me can see the potential in me that I can't see, what the fuck is wrong with me...I really think because mum is gone, I don't have that outlet to talk to someone who will just listen (no offense mangey our conversations really help, but you know how mum was a great listener) and let me work out what is going on inside my head. It is not so much a new job I am looking for, I think I just need to find out what I want to do with my life and start doing it. My life is not about the job I do, and that is what I have come to the realization of, and that is what is driving me crazy at the moment, as I don't know where to go and I am stuck.

I think the monkey is fucking with me again (it is the year of the monkey) and I just need to get through this year, either that or I am having a mid life crisis but I thought I had to be older for that....unless I will pop my clogs in my 60's...then I am right on track for this little break down....

11 comments:

Elizabeth said...

So are you thinking you want your own business or possibly not that either?

Ff so, I would suggest taking it step by step. The thought of taking on your own busienss (to me) seems like it could be very overwhelming...but if you break up the process step by step, it may be easier to get to the end result.

mangey cur said...

Poor vampsicle! Me and the mister have been sitting around chatting about the same kind o' issues all morning (we're both off today). I believe a phone call is on the agenda...I'll be speaking to you in a bit.:)

Jennifer said...

I hear ya... been there, doin that!! Been at the same job, same position almost eight years now. Almost left during the dotcom but so glad I didn't. Still feel stuck because they know me so well and I can leave for two hours to go to the gym during the day, still come in late and like. But I'm not challenged.. it sucks. But I have a child, I can't just up and leave. Soooo stuck!!!!

nongirlfriend said...

That is what I have been going through since last December. I am in a position where the only creative thing I do is try to find ways to blog at work without anyone knowing.

Pfeh! I say open your own salon. I bet you'd do really well.

(Sorry about your mum)

Killy said...

I too commisserate with the "stuck" feeling. I am but a wee lass (heh, heh... wee), but believe me, I've been there. Sometimes you just have to make yourself make a change.

Hang in there, Vampy! And if all else fails, you should take up a nice violent contact sport instead of yoga... like kickboxing, or mowing down pedestrians in your car ;-)

Kymmie said...

You really gotta do your own thing. I am experiencing that myself. I already had one failure (well, let's call it learning experience) with the "own your own thing" thing. But you know, I would do it again. So now I am stuck in a cubicle with really bright lights above me, while I type away at my blog. At work. If only I could engage my mind just one more time .....

Christopher said...

I SO need a cocktail!

Pisser said...

Ah, yes. Blackberry margaritas all around.

I am no sage in this area. I make hasty
decisions. But I'd say, go with your gut.
My problem is I'm never sure what my gut
is saying! It's too preoccupied with digestion.

StoOpid gut.

Smiley said...

You forgot to mention how shitty the job market is now. To top things off.

bunny said...

When the universe starts bitch slapping you with signs that it's time to move on, you need to obey, or bad shit starts happening. I'm serious about that. It's not like a jet engine is going to fall on you, but if you don't move on, you will be moved on without your consent. Does that make sense? Like a river - you can go with it, or struggle, but either way the current's taking you downstream.

Anonymous said...

i understand bunny...I do understand....and thanks for understanding me!!