Sunday, August 15, 2004

Conversations with Grandmother

Well, the Saturday with the family didn't go too bad....They arrived just before 1pm, and stayed till about 5:30pm...My grandmother looks like her head is shrinking.....Soon she will look like one of those people on an alien movie I saw, was it the one with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones? I just can't remember, anyway, either that or my sister is buying her wigs too big for her tiny little shrunken head. Or they don't make wigs for shrunken heads....So there was this giant wig ( she likes the ones that Rachel Welsh makes, or indorse, but she swears Rachel makes them of course, oh dear lupie grandmother) sitting on top of this little frail woman...It was amusing...If you knew my grandmother you would understand....
Any way, here is some highlights of the conversations with my 90 year old gran:

Gran: Are those skulls you have in here love? (pointing to the skulls on the mantel piece)
Me: yes nana they are.
Gran: oh...Why do you have skulls dear?
Me: some people collect porcelain cats...We collect skulls..
Gran: Oh.........
Gran: Is that a skull hanging up there love?
Me: yes, Nana it is a dragon skull.....
Gran: oh...Why do you have skulls dear?
Me: We like hunting nana...
Gran: oh....
Gran: Is that a skull over there? (points to one on the kitchen counter)
Me: yes nana it is
Gran: why do you have skulls love?
Me: That was last night's dinner nana, and we liked his head
Gran: Really love?

Later on the conversation with Satan and Gran:
Gran:(she is outside on the deck looking at the lights we have up) how many lights do you think you have up here love?
Satan: Oh about 100....
Gran: Really love....That must have taken an awfully long time to put them up..
Satan: no not too long...
20 minutes goes by...
Gran: How many lights do you think you have up there love?
Satan: oh about 250....
Gran: really love, that must take an awful long time to put them up..
Satan: emmm, not too long
another 20 minutes goes by
GRan: How many lights do you think you have up there love?
Satan: oh about 500....
Gran: Really love, that took you along time to put those up!
Satan: yeah, it took nearly all day....
Gran: really?

Grandmother looking at our house (she has been here 3 times)
Gran: You really have done a super job with the house love.
Me; Thanks Nana
Gran: It looks so much bigger now ( maybe cuz her head is shrinking)
Me: yeah, it does make a difference with the wood floor in here rather than the carpet...
Gran: you had carpet in here?
Me: yes, remember, it was like what is in the bedroom...
Gran: oh yes that's right...
15 minutes later
Gran: It looks so much bigger in here now...
Me: yes, having the new windows in here gives it the bigger feel.
Gran: those windows weren't there?
Me;no remember, it was just a wall....We took the wall down and put up the windows ...
Gran: oh yes, that's right,,,,
another 15 minutes...
Gran: It looks so much bigger in here now....
Me: yes, we rearranged the furniture,
Gran: that's what it is love........

So you can see, you can keep a conversation flowing if you just keep changing your answers....And Nana will just keep asking those questions till you come up with the answer she likes best!

15 comments:

Special K said...

Aww! Your grandmother sounds like a sweetie! And your conversations with her remind me a little of my grandfather and his repetitive war stories.

By the way, some people are just cursed with really tiny pin-heads. When I played softball (for one ill-fated year) in high school, they didn't have a batting helmet small enough to fit my eensy noggin', so I had to put on a ski cap underneath the helmet. It was hot in there, dammit! :-P

SJ said...

"looks bigger in here" (maybe because her head is shrinking) ROFL.
I enjoyed your Nana verbage. It may not be fun to grow old and senile, but it sure is amusing at times (in a GOOD way)

mangey cur said...

Oh luv, my head looks as though it's shrinking, what do you suppose is causing this?
Um, Nana, the world is rotating too fast for your head to keep up with its velocity.
Yes, luv, that must be it. Why are there skulls in here?
Well nan, they were here when we moved in. Caves are like that.
Yes dear, and I thought it was because you collect shrunken heads and I'm here to donate.
Thanks nan. I knew I was your favorite.
No dear, that would be Joan. How archaic are you?

Glad it was you and not me dude. Glad you survived.

miss macy said...

She does sound cute!! and that post cracked me up!!

Christopher said...

I hope to SATAN when I am in dementia and diapers that you're there fucking with me and slipping me absinthe!

Raineydays said...

Your nana is too cute. (by way of speaking) I like old people, I think sometimes thier cuter than babies.

bunny said...

Okay Christopher - what am I missing with absinthe? I spent an inordinate amount on a bottle from Germany, and all I got out of it was drunk and unable to sleep. No green fairies, no hallucinations, no nothing fun. What gives? Do I have to become a sodding addict to get it?

Elizabeth said...

Did Satan take any pics of nana's shruken head with his new toy?

vampyregirl said...

no unfortunately he didn't, I think the camera was having a hard time trying to find the shrunken head and wouldn't focus properly!!

Jennifer said...

You might have to use the macro setting on the camera... if it doesn't have one, try standing closer. hehe Grandma's are cute.

Elizabeth said...

Jen is so High Tech Baby!

vampyregirl said...

well, next time I am around grandmother, I will try that setting Jen, but by then her head maybe so shrunken nothing will pick it up.....there just will be shoulders and a wig.......

nongirlfriend said...

I told you my absinthe story from Paris, didn't I, Bunny? And the heroin beer. What a night!

Pisser said...

"Why do you have those plastic man-things in the bedroom, dear...?"

mangey cur said...

I used to have one of those dear. You should have seen the size of the battery! Is my head getting smaller?