Boys and Their Poo......

Left work early today to go and see my little guys. How cute are they? Ok, Spirit is definitely a Spirit, and so will be like Ghostie when he is older, full of mischief.....the other little guy who is still nameless, is going to be such a mama's boy. When I got into their pen with them today, he just came over and curled up under my legs, and was so huggy and cuddly......just love them.....however, I was covered in poo when I left. As their pen had poo in it, they had poo on their feet, which in turn got all over me. So of course when I got home had to shower immediately. Their sisters of course wanted to know where I had been, as they could smell their brothers. But couldn't stop for the sniff, as the poo smell was just too gross. 4 days to go.....so love them!

Mama's Boys

So, we never made it down to where Billy Wilder was, however, on Saturday, I had a feeling I needed to go to the local Humane Society in town,......and what did we find, not one, but two boys!
They are both brothers, 8 weeks old! There is a total of six of them at the shelter, but because Satan and I couldn't decide, we got two of them. They get to come home this coming Sunday, as they are still on watch for any worms, or other oddities puppies may have. They will also both be getting snipped soon too.

We are still trying to decide on names. The white/tan one we have thought of calling him Spirit, as he looks very much like Ghostie....as he is malamute. The other little guy, is still waiting for a name. I was thinking of Bear. So any other names are greatly appreciated.

So as you all can imagine, I so can't wait for Sunday to arrive.........

Ok, Just A Quickie, Now.......

Just a quickie, as I am heading out for a much needed hair coloring appointment.

Yesterday, my alarm didn't go off, so I woke up 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave for a 3 hour drive to a training. FUCK! So I was able to wash face, slap something that I thought was makeup on, and put my hair in ponytail, I even laundry basket dove for clothes (?) thats what happens when woken out of a sleep and needing to drive......

Saw old evil boss, evil as ever, biyatch! However, wasn't able to do anything to me, so she was deflated in her wanting to bitch at me....ha ha.

And last but not least, way too much chocolate in this house due to inlaws arriving, I feel by the end of the weekend I shall have gained a good 20 pounds just by breathing in all the chocolate fumes....
Oh yeah, my colds gone, but now Satan has it..........and you know what Satan is like when he has a cold, he turns into bambino Satan.........good job his mummy's here.............off to get my hair done now! Ta TA!

Great Green Globs of Greasy Grimey Gopher Guts

Now I am sounding like an old gross man. The cold has moved into my chest, and I am coughing up gross brown and green globs....mmmm, yummy. But the hack I am doing before it comes up would rival any old man in a nursing home and their demon cough.

Tomorrow my inlaws arrive, for six weeks. Satan and I are thinking of little trips to have them go on. However, their being here plays nicely into getting another dog. As they would be able to look after him or her during the "adjusting" period. See I am always trying to find ways to work it. And this just might work. Satan was also thinking this as well, see evil minds think alike.

So my st00pid esthetic license still hasn't arrived. Motherfuckers. So I reluctantly went online to find how much it was to send off for a duplicate license. Looks like it is only $10.00, so I sent in the form plus my ten bucks, so they better send something this time. I am just tired of dealing with the idiots on the phone who don't have an answer for me, and tell me they will get back to me....yeah right. So as usual, I am taking matters into my own hands. So you know, the st00pid original license will show up this week, right? Figures..................

Fashion Victim #45

Oh yeah, my fashion don't is at number 45 on this list! I was impressed that pale pasty face and black clothing made the list.....but then again, I am on the don't list!

While I was being a couch potatoe today, as I have had a cold for the last 3 days, I was channel surfing between the TV Guide channel with the emmy red carpet show featuring everyone's favorite plastic surgery victim, Joan Rivers and her freak of a daughter and E!'s red carpet show, with that cow Star Jones......well the E! show finished first and so the do's and don't were on next...couldn't help but to sit and watch in all my laundry day fashions glory!

So you can imagine how estatic I was to see the "Goth" look with clips of my darlink Marilyn, Angelina when she went goth for a sec, Elvirah herself, not to mention a ton of clips from the under 18 group of gothlings.....it was rather amusing.....

Oh yeah, and then had to turn over to vh1 to catch the last episode of the reality show portion of Rockstar: Inxs. It is down to Marty, JD, and Mig. Marty creeps me out as he looks just like a freaky old boyfriend of mine, except mine had black spikey hair, other than that, dead on,...JD needs to stop tweezing his eyebrows like a girl, and Mig, well Mig is just too cute....however, I do like them all, so we will have to see on Tuesday who INXS picks. I'm rooting for Mig, just cuz' he is too cute and sweet for words. Although I think JD fits more. (Could it be he tries to be like Michael Hutchance, or is that really natural?)

I think I have had too much time on my hands with this cold, that I am actually having this kind of debate with the voices in my head...........

Meet Billy. He Likes Long Walks, Good Conversation, and Likes to Cuddle....

This is Billy Wilder. He is currently at the Sonoma Humane Society. How Cute is he!!!
Satan and I are starting to look for another pupster to join the coven! So I have been going on line to the local shelters to see who is around. And I came across Billy today. It says he is about 3 years old (which would be the same age as Willow) Says he is a Rotweiler/sheperd mix.

He is just the cutest little guy (next to you Animas George!) So I will have to show him to Satan tonight when he gets home....it seems Billy has been hangin at the shelter since June...poor guy. It also says on his info he likes to cuddle. Now how can you a resist a guy that likes to cuddle...........

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

So the "precious" today decides to kick the dog next door's ass through the fence......don't ask how she did it, but she did.

I think it may have been her sliding feet of fury into the fence line that did it. However, she didn't go unscathed. Notice the scabby nose.

She is so proud of her nose. She is so looking forward to doing more of her kung fu tomorrow on the other dog next door.


In other strange sightings today, as I am in my car stopped in a line of other cars for road construction. I look in my rearview mirror. There is this middle aged woman, hair all perfect for going to work, makeup all just perfect, wearing earrings and necklace....looks like she is going to the office....as she is sitting there in her car primping herself in her rearview mirror, she suddenly starts pickin her nose! Not just a dainty pick, oh no, she was pickin' a winner for sure! I think I saw her knuckle disappear into the nasal cavity........too bad I didn't have my camera!

And then as I am having lunch with my old work bud, (who is now a facial client!) we are lookin out the window and we are fascinated by the dude havin a full on conversation with the pavement. Don't know if the pavement was answering him back, but it was rather a heated discussion he was having.

Being that it looks like there is a full moon ahead on Sunday, we have only just begun......

Hummingbird Crack........

This is all I have today. These hummingbirds at my house are taking over. And this is just a small mob. I have little sugar junkies bombarding me as I go out on to the back deck if their feeders are out of the juice.

I can hear them chattering in the trees right now. They are saying, "hey beeeoootcchh, our feeders empty, we be needin the sug juice! Get out here and bring us our supply!"

Nice knowing you all, I'm off to be the hummingbird's sugar bitch.........

Dissed....

Time has come to a stand still here in my office. Clock on the wall is stuck at 3:50. Don't know if it was a.m., or p.m. though........its really sad watching the second hand trying to move forward, but alas, going nowhere.........anyway...............

So a few posts ago I wrote about having to go to partys where I don't know anyone....and how I loathe it....well my coven friends, karma always comes back to kick me up the ass......I found out today that I WASN'T INVITED to a "beauty school reunion party" where all my fellow beauty school esthetic graduates went too......

Oh, no, we can't invite that pasty white vampyre back here.....mmmmmHmmmmm! Now I know how you really feel about me.....as if I would have gone to that stupid party....."I got my OWN stuff to to do ANYWAY!!!!!! (to be read in a Nancy Spungen voice from the film, Sid and Nancy)

May I add, that I am the only one of my fellow grads that has a job in the esthetic world anyway...other than a couple of them who got jobs as receptionists for a couple of spas...(you went to beauty school and all that torture, to be a fuckin receptionist?? what the fuck??) And that only 5 of us out of my grad. class actually passed the state board.........

yeah, thats right.....don't invite me ya LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!

I will get my just desserts in the end!!!!!!!!

Yeah, whatever, I wouldn't have gone anyway, as I had a full day of "real" clients to attend to.....I would have just liked to have been invited.......to then TURN YA DOWN! HA! What do ya think about that????????????????

Can someone say, Vampy is a little bit pms'd this week?

Possessed By My Father

Tonight I think I really out did Satan on the swearing. Thats what happens when I spill my drink all over my desk......and I am trying to help him make up his brochures for his upcoming Sonoma Home Show. It was most amusing seeing Satan run around not knowing what to do as I was yelling my lungs out! MotherFuckerSonOfABitch! GodDamnIt! ForFucksSake!! And then he comes running in with a stream of paper towels, then runs out again, dodging the magazines, unpaid bills and other shit I was slinging off my desk!

However, I can't help this swearing. I believe I am possessed by my dad, and he would be ever so proud. Mum on the other hand would not be. Satan said I was swearing so loud he thinks our neighbors heard....and as we live out in the middle of nowhere, I must have been pretty loud.

So other than yelling at the top of my lungs over spilt water, I also have an aching back...(where is that Mangey when you need her most) from pulling weeds in my veggie patch this weekend. And can I just say how I hate those fuckin' squirrels who have totally eaten all the good veggies. They even ate my green peppers. Squirrels eating peppers. Is there such a thing? There must be. They have also eaten all of my cucumbers, and have started in on the strawberries. Fuckers. Who ever said squirrels were cute, must never have been a gardner.

And to make matters worse, one must of died under our deck, as we also had flies and the stench of a dead thang. Unless, I had an unexpected Vampyre visitor who had taken up residence over the weekend. Didn't he know he was welcome in the house? Maybe he too had had enough of my swearing!

Call of the Wild

After reading Ms. Bees Knees blog, I saw on her side bar the website of the humane society for the animals in need from the hurricane.

Feeling helpless all week watching the news, I have been wanting to do something. Giving blood is not in a vampyre's capasity when such large doses are needed. I was wanting to send money, but where will it go exactly.....

So when cruzin' the Bees Honey Hive, and I saw the address, I understood where I had to donate. So if any of you out there who like me, are feeling like you don't know what to donate and just where to, and are also a massive animal lover.

The animals have no clue what is going on, I saw the little pony farm on the news last night where several ponies have died, so sad, and they have run out of hay.

Just thought for us animal lovers we could help the ones who truly can't help themselves during times like these.

The Humane Society relief fund for animals of the hurricane

Wrapped in Plastic..........

I escaped Jury duty. Which would have been kinda cool to do, if I was still with a company that I could be on salary for. However, now being a Self Employed kinda chick, I can't take time off for frivolities such as Jury Duty.

I would have been able to sit in on a MURDER trial too. Of all the dumb luck....why was it when I was on salary and got called for jury duty, all the good trials went to the others, and I just got to sit in a room with 200 other shmucks waiting to see if I would get picked....

And now that I need to work, I get a Death and Distruction trial.....figures......

So anyway, besides my exciting Monday life of hangin at the court house all friggin day waiting for the judge to spare me of my civic duties.......nothing else exciting happening......

Oh yeah, I did a cellulite wrap on a client yesterday....she actually lost some inches too! I got to spread mud all over her, then wrap her in cellophane, then wrap her in a thermal blanket for 20 minutes.....and I got paid for this......quite cool. I took her measurements before and after, and it did show she sweated out those inches.....so she said she would be back to get a series of these treatments done.....and I charged her $100.00 for one treatment, so a series of 6 treatments....$600.00 to wrap someone in plastic......not to shabby!

And last but not least, I get to see Chicken tomorrow and give her a facial! Should be quite the day, as then Mz. Liz shall be joining in on the facial fun, as her appt. is at 3pm tomorrow! See, Jen, I could fit you in for a bikini wax tomorrow too! As I am now the bikini wax queen, as I seem to be doing Bikini waxes every other day now!

Uninvited

I hate going to parties that I don't know anyone, except for Satan. I have stranger anxiety problems. Tonight we (or should I say Satan) has been invited to a birthday party for one of his customers. I just get to tag along being I am "the wife".

It wouldn't be soo bad, if I knew another person, and if I was comfortable in my "own" skin around strangers. I hate the whole, hi, how are you, who are you....so what do you do? How do you know _____, oh your Satan's wife...... Crap that comes with meeting people at parties. I absolutely hate small talk. If I don't know you, I am not the person to just start talking just to talk. It could be because half the time, I just don't care enough to get to know these people. I will never see them again, and it is a waste of time.

Liz said to use it as a good marketing tool for my biznezz. However, that means I have to talk to these people, and of course today, the hermit in me just wants to stay home. But of course this would make Satan upset, as I have blown so many of these parties off before, that I really can't do it again to the poor lad. Satan, unlike me, is very outgoing, loves to go to parties and mingle. I can say this is about the only thing, we really are total opposites on.

So I was thinking I could make some shit up....Have my whole persona created, and if I am totally a freak (which wouldn't be a stretch) I wouldn't be invited to these again.

So what is my story.....

Question 1
so how do you know -----(person who's party this is),
Me: "oh, I don't....I am just really good at breaking into gated communities. And I cracked this gate code. And I saw free food."

Question 2
"So what do you do?"
Me: " Oh, I am a klepto....I also like to steal things from rich people's houses. And when I am not doing that, I like scaring little children..........."

Question 3
So you are Satan's wife, how long have you guys known each other?
Me: "Oh, I am really not his wife, I'm just his whore..."

Question 4
Great party don't you think?
Me: "no, this party sucks! I'm going home!"

Oh yeah, hopefully, this is the last party I will be invited to!!!


And I took this from Mz. Bunny's blog:



You Are Subversion!
You are systematic and secretive. Sometimes even very calculating. Most everyone trusts you but they have no idea what really goes on in your head. You are capable of being nice or mean, whatever a situation calls for. You look out for #1.

What Naughty My Little Pony Are You?

Bad Moon On The Rise

I think the moon being full last Friday definitely is having a ripple affect this week. I am getting the freaks coming out to visit me.

Oh yes, I am not immune to it now that I am self employed....where I used to work with a wacked out bi polar freak, I now have them coming into to get their makeup done.

Seems that although I have been doing makeup for 15 years....I was told the other day, that "it didn't look like you knew what you were doing...." one psycho told me....
Thats nice, freak....being that you had your eyes closed the whole time I was doing your makeup....I didn't know you could see me.....(and if you did, you would have seen me flippin you off!)

I was also stood up by a bride. Funny how when I was driving to do her makeup, the "runaway bride" came to mind.......found out today, she didn't like the consultation I gave her the other day, so instead of saying, I perfer to do my own makeup, she decides to stand me up.

What is with people? Why can't people say it to my face? Both of these people had to either leave me a message on my machine, or tell someone else, who then could tell me. Do I really look that weird that if you tell me how you really feel to me, I will kill you? If you say it nicely mind you, you maybe spared!

You know, I won't be offended if you don't like the way I do your makeup. Just look at my makeup in my photo on the right....do you think, I would be upset? And of course I didn't do there makeup like that, but one would have thought by the way they were so upset, that I had.

So the one who said I didn't know what I was doing, now left me another message, wanting her money back. I am on the fence with this, as I feel her money "energy" is giving me bad ju ju now. And you know how superstitious I can be........

Heartless.....

I found out today just how heartless I really am. Does this shock me. Not really. Just confirms what I always knew.

My oldest sister called me today, saying that our Grandmother has gone insane. Insane by means of has sudden on set of Alsheimers....whatever you want to call it, she is insane. The other night my grandmother was hitting my sister for no reason, other than the fact, she didn't want to go to bed. She also has been saying she needs to go to the police because Joy is missing. Ok, my mum has been dead for 2 1/2 years, yeah nana, she is missing.

My sister tells me that Nana's mood swings are getting worse and worse and she is just angry and nasty, and misearble all the time. Oh yeah, Nana will be 92 years old in 4 months.

Now most people would be upset by this story. However, I'm not. But then again I am not like most people. And neither are my two sisters, as they are not upset either. Frustrated, yes, upset no.

You see my grandmother has been miserable all her life. She was evil to my mum when she was alive telling her half the time that she was fat (which she wasn't), she told her this as she was growing up as well, she would yell at Mangey and say her mean things to her and Rantboy. She has always treated me like I was 2 years old and breakable. To my oldest sister, she hasn't been that evil to that I know of, but now even she is getting the rath of Grandmother. Oh yeah, did I fail to mention that when my Grandfather was alive they would yell and shout at each other, and either end up beating each other up, or throwing things at each others heads. I remember as a child, my grandmother stayed with us because her back went out. This woman was so nasty, that even my father wouldn't come home until she was out of our house.

My memories of my Grandmother are not of sweet grandmothers baking pies and doing grandmotherly things....no my grandmother would shove money into our hands as away of being affectionate, and then hide us in the basement because her "friends" were over and didn't want her "friends" to see what losers her family were.

So when I hear she is going insane, and will probably be put on serious meds in the next day or two, and may even be committed somewhere.....I have no emotion.

If I do it is just a sadness of just hearing about another person fallen victim to this awful Alsheimers disease. But I am a big believer in Karma. And all the nasty, hateful things my grandmother did while she was young, is coming back to bite her on the ass in the biggest way.....

Don't Trust This Dog With Bedding......

Don't let her cute puppy dog eyes fool you. She is evil. And hates bedding.
Tuesday she had to be left inside all day as the electric meter reading guy came by and had to get into the backyard. So doggie door was shut off to puppsters.

She wasn't happy about this. So she decided to chew up the bedding, and Satan was home first to discover the shreds of stuffing from the bedding all over the house. Needless to say, when I got home she was locked outside by her loansome. And so very much in trouble.

I told Satan that it wasn't really her fault as she was locked in all day, and she must have gone a little stir crazy. So of course me being a softy to all things puppy, I forgave her.

Foolish me.

As when Satan got home tonight, before me, AGAIN, she had shredded the bedding.
Don't know how much trouble she was in this eve, as Satan, I think just couldn't be bothered to deal with her.

So I go into the bedroom, point at the bed, and say, "you know better....."
Big puppy dog eyes look at me, ***blink, blink*****
"Willow, what did you do.....???"
Puppy dog eyes, ****blink, blink****

Now if she could have pointed her dog toe in the direction of her sister, she would have.
"Willow, you aren't blaming this on your sister who is way to old to jump up on the bed..."
Puppy dog eyes, ***blink, blink*****
Looks again at her sister........
"Willlow......."
Puppy dog eyes, ***blink blink.......*** tucks head down, goes thru dog door, turns around and stares....***blink blink*****

Yeah, I am real good at disciplining my children.

Driving While Stupid

To the idiot drivers in front of me on my way to work:

Do you realize you are going 10 miles slower than the speed limit in the fast lane?
Do you realize I am behind you and want you to pull over?
Why must you apply your makeup in the rearview mirror at 60 miles an hour?
Why must you take out your brush, and brush your hair while driving?
Why must you read your newspaper?
Why are you driving with your knees?
Why are you still driving when you can't see over the steering wheel?
Are you the oldest man alive?
Have your legs been cut off at the knees and you can't step on the gas?
Are you swerving in the lane because you like to cause motion sickness, or because your drunk, or because you just spilled hot coffee on your lap?
Why must you slow down every time we pass an on ramp? You are in the fast lane you know.....
Why is it that when I pull around you and get back in the fast lane, I catch up with your idiot brother in the next car ahead of you?
Do you have me on hidden camera and know exactly when I will be leaving my house, so you can get infront of me at exactly the right time?
Why must you put "have you been saved yet" bumper stickers on your vehicle?
Do you think I need saving?
Will you ever use your rearview mirror?

These are just a few questions that go through my head, that I was wondering if you would be able to answer for me, as you seem to be going nowhere and have all the time on your hands!!!

The Downward Spiral

There is a reason I try and stay out of world and local news.

Because, watching the news is just disgusting. When you watch the BBC World news, and they show all the death and distruction of what is going on in the rest of the world......then you turn it over to the local news. What the fuck kind of shit is this?

They show a tad bit on the shit going down between the Israelis and Palestinians.....now thats some fucked up shit.....and then the next story is about a school here in northern Cal, where the students "may" have to start wearing name badges to school. And they interview this pathetic 16 year old talking about her rights, and how it is demeaning to wear a name badge.......WHAT?????

Are you serious? Stupid ignorant girl, do you realize that when you get out of your crap school and into your first demeaning job, they WILL make you wear a name tag....with a Hello my name is....before it. And from there your name tag will just get better and better, you may get one with a big smiley face on it telling us you are rolling back prices, you may get an upscale name badge if you are lucky and spray perfume in peoples faces.....you may scream for your name badge back, when the next job you get only recognizes you by a number.....And you are saying you have rights? PLEASE!!! You are six-fucking-teen years old....your parents own you....you have no rights......go talk to the Israelis about rights, you stupid little girl......

Oh yeah, and the closing, most important story of the night, less we forget, is Madonna falling off her horse on her 47th birthday.....I guess you didn't drink enough Kaballah water today......or maybe you are thinking you did, because if you didn't you may have ended up like Chris Reeves. happy fucking birthday to you.

Fuck the news.....

Beware: Spirits Hiding Art at IKEA

So here is one of the wall art pieces I purchased at IKEA. I can't find the HUGE one of the rocks and sea that I got, so I will have to take a photo of it once it is up in my place to show you all.

However I thought the flowers were kinda cool. And the three of them come attached, and they were only like $4.00

The picture I really really wanted, of course they didn't have......figures....

It was a sepia kind o texture and it was of this road with big trees lining it.....It was cool.

Don't know how the rocks and sea will look on the wall. It reminded me of something my mum would have loved. She was a beachy kinda chick anyway, so I know she would have approved....maybe that is how I ended up with it. As she didn't like the pic of the road with trees. So she cunningly hid them from me....spirits have away with doing this kinda stuff. Especially cunning ones, like mum!

Wall of Tranquility

So today I will be going to IKEA.......I have never been. My friend thinks it is the most amazing place in the world.

I hear they serve breakfast for $1.99. I love breakfast, so she hooked me in. I hear there is just rows and rows of Swedish furniture. Everywhere.

I am actually looking for some art work for my wall at work. I have one completely bare wall that makes me angry. Yes I get angry at walls, this is the kinda weirdo I am. Anyway, I am hoping IKEA holds the key to my Angry wall, and it will become the wall of Tranquility soon.

I hear IKEA does have alot of Craptacular furniture that falls apart? Or is that just a rumor. Like I said, as I am an IKEA virgin at the moment, I have no clue what I am in for.

I am just there for the breakfast. And the hope that I will find the Wall of Tranquility..........