O Come All Ye Hate-ahs..........

Oh yes, it was a joyful time in the grocery store today......AGAIN.

NO, not the usual screaming hideous child on isle three, or four, or five....but instead it was the christmas haters that were on a rampage at my local Safeway.

For a change, I think I was the most joyful person there. And you know that is a STRETCH!

First of all in the parking lot, a woman decides to leave her door open and block two parking spots with her incredibly large ass hanging out of car as she rummages around her car for god knows what......yeah, thanks for not letting me have that prime parking spot sweetness, as you needed it to park your ass in it!

Lets see, I lost count of how many times I got rammed up the ass (and not in a good way) by shopping carts ( is there a good way to get rammed up the ass by a shopping cart??) , and then there was the people that block the isles. Oh yeah, its my fault your blocking the isle isn't it? what eveah! Stop scowling at me......

I was for a few measly seconds alone in the dead carcus section of the store, filling up my bloodlust, when I was interupted by cranky old bitches pushing my cart out of the way as I was blocking the dead chickens wrapped in plastic. oh yeah, I did get a glare for that too.

But the best was as I was checking out. No baggers to be found so I am bagging my own stuff and I look up to see fat evil chick**** from hell with fat evil daughter in tow....ramming her cart (again, the ramming of the cart! Knock it off you fuckers!) up to the little platform where you pay for your shit....uh, fat bitch, do you think I am a bagger? And you think I am bagging your shit? I SO don't think so!

So the checker says to fatty, uh, excuse me, but she isn't finished checking out, you will need to back your cart up ma'am. And of course fatty decides to glare at me! what the fuck?
So she backs up only to where I have just enough room to squeeze between the cart and the area where you can put your checkbook on to write the check. So of course I decided to write my check the slowest I have ever written anything in my life, and proceeded to have a conversation with the checker about the shrimp I had just purchased. (usually I don't chat as I am not a chatty type o' chick, but today I felt like pissing off fatty, so I chatted!)

So ended yet another fabulously fun filled shopping at the grocery store, the week before christmas......note to self....do not go anywhere near there next weekend. Unless you feel a real bloodlust coming on.........
And with that my dear friends, have yourselves a merry little christmas if I don't get back here to post before the festive day!

**** oh yeah, and I did use the word fat chick.....as I feel being 300 plus pounds entitles you to have the title of being called one!.

Shocking is As Shocking Does

Yeah. Its been awhile. Its not like I have been out jet setting, doing red carpet events, or even out par-taying it up like those Hilton whores...... no I have just put way tooo much stuff into the last couple of weeks. Why do I do this? who knows.

So in the last couple of weeks here is the run down:

Going to the gym way to early in the morning to get it over with.
Passed my final exam at Massage Hell, and got my Diploma!
Had to write an Outline on a book we had to read for Massage hell.
Working, working and more working....
December has been crazy at work and it is only the 10th today.

So you see, its not like I have been doing anything out landishly fun. I just have been getting home, making dinner, and then crashing on the couch and then waking up at like 2am on the couch wondering how I ended up sleeping thru my fave shows, the news, and the tonight show and not seeing any of it, but they were all running around in my dreams.

So this week, I have a christmas work party to go to tonight....oooh aahhh, there is a par-tay in all of this after all.
and then just facials, waxing, and massage clients to fill in the rest of the week, oh yeah and working out at the gym.

So thats life. Mine is ever so exciting. Would ya say? Whats that? you are asleep at the computer but this blog is running around in your dream? That really sucks for you.....

Everybody must get Stoned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, Hot Stone Massage kicks ASSSSSS!!!!!!

Had the two day class this past weekend and it was awesome! Satan totally digs the hot stones too! So now everyone who comes near me will have to get stoned!!

I will be done with the whole massage thing in two more weeks! That will make me very happy.

Oh, and side note to blogger, "BITE ME!" As it told me I wasn't good enough to get the new updated blogger...that is part of google.... it is only for a select number of bloggers. Yeah, well screw you.....I have my own stuff to do ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!
NO Hot stone massage for you blogger........you can kiss my hot stone ass!!!!!

Shopping Here We Come!!!!!!!

Tomorrow I am going to another face and body expo! Yipeeee! Its really sad how gleefully happy I can be when the thought of buying more skincare products fill my head. Yes. its true, I am sad. I get excited over simple things.

Its quite amazing that I am actually able to lift my arms up to the keyboard today to actually write this. As yesterday my trainer kicked my ass, AGAIN. This time on my arms, as I told him, I want nice defined arms. And on Wednesday he worked out my arms pretty well and told me I would probably be sore on Thursday. But I wasn't. So this retard tells him yesterday, only to receive the most painful arm workout todate. But I am still not as sore as I thought I would be. But I do feel some pain.

Oh, and this time next weekend, I will be in massage hell again, as I am taking a hot stone massage two day course. groovy hippies and me will be burning our backs in time to groovy new age massage music. but this time next month, I will be a certified holistic massage therapist. I find that quite funny, as you would expect to see some groovy hippie at the end of that certificate, and lo and behold you have a living dead girl instead! go figure!

Trying To Play Catch Up

Ok, I feel like I am way behind on everything. I haven't paid bills yet this month.....I haven't cleaned the house in forever, I am still trying to wash the clothes from last week.....not to mention I haven't been here in a while..........


so whats up? lets see......

I had round two of massage classes over the weekend. one more weekend session and I will be a holistic massage therapist.....

I went and saw Aerosmith and Motley Crue last week. Motley Crue sucked really REALLY BAD! So bad that it was embarrasing! It was more Vince Neil than the rest of the band, but it was sad..... Aerosmith Kicked ass per usual and being that Steven Tyler had a throat operation over the summer, he sounded amazing.

In laws went home on Sunday. The house is real quiet and the puppies keep looking for their grandmum and granddad....its kinda sad. their little faces all happy to run to the spare room only to find no one there, so they come back with heads down all bummed...

Ok, well best go and pay some bills before my electricity gets turned off while I am writing this! eeeek!

.....And Down Came a Spider........

Not as good as Mangey's spider photos, but trying to photograph thru glass with glare is not always good, however, it is quite a cool looking spider when you see it live and in person.

He has been hanging out outside the pantry window each night, Satan has been going outside and catching moths to chuck into his web, so he is quite happy living outside our pantry window.

I thought he would make a good Halloween mascot.

Hope all my lovelys have a fantastic Hallows eve. As I may not be posting for a couple o days....I best get my wishes in now.

Bridezillas, inlaws, and trainers....oh my!!

yeah, I'm still here, its just still been hard to post.

Had to do a bridezilla makeup and her maid of horror the other day. yikes.

inlaws are still here.

My trainer is still kicking my ass. I get weighed measured, and told how fat I still am on Monday. so until then, I am sticking to the diet, and exercising the last fat pounds I can off of me that want to jump off. However according to my scales, I have lost 25 pounds.

Still not able to fit into clothes from 2 years ago. But I am only 10 pounds away from that! yippee!

Ok, till the next time I can get here...peace out!

I've been riding on The freeway of Grooviness.....

Yeah, its been awhile, but with inlaws in town for a month, and my new massage classes for the ultra in grooviness it has been rather hard to post.

Not to fear I am still around, (or fear if you like), I am still going to my trainer, have lost three more pounds for a total of 22 pounds lost so far!! yipppeeee, but still so sad, as I still can't fit into my groovy (there is that word again) clothes from 2 1/2 years ago....I have 10 more fat pounds to go, and I may get there....I get officially weighed, measured, poked, and proded next week for my fat testing again...wish me luck as I have been so soar with all this weight training that I better have lost some of those fat % measures, or else!!

Ok, best get back to trying to be groovy, in other words, its time to feed the hounds of hell, eat dinner, and get to bed.....get up and do it all over again!

Groovy man, simply groovy.

Satan's Butterfly

Satan took this cool groovy photo of the butterfly that was hangin' in the garden this morning. oooh! Pretty!!!!

Run down of excitement this week:

------zzzzzzzzzzz---------

oooooh, pretty butterfly in the garden!!!!

yeah, we are the center of fun times here....way fun times!! Party on Wayne!

Blog Slacker

Yeah, I have been a major slacker. Haven't even turned on the computer barely this past week.

Heres the run down of the excitement:

- still going to see my personal trainer. Have lost 5 pounds since starting on the 7th.

- my battery died in my car. luckily I was at home.

- my oldest dog decided she couldn't hold in her pee long enough for us to get home the other
day as we had to keep them inside due to the PG&E guy coming to read the meter (thats the
electric company) So she pee'd all over the living room. Luckily she didn't crap. As that
would have really sucked.

- work has been really busy. No freakish things going on their. No ass waxing or gross butt
stained individuals getting body treatments. Just regular facials, and eyebrow waxings. Oh
yeah, my makeup up has been selling really well!!

- the inlaws are coming in two weeks. So trying to get the bathroom finished. Still some tiles left
to put on the floor.

Thats about it. As you can see, I have moved to Boredomville, and no excitement happens here. Ciao for now!!

I Have Entered into A New Kind Of Fatness.....

Oh yes it is true, but hopefully not for long.

The salon owner at work started working out with a personal trainer, and I went with her last week to check out her workout. Well, after talking to her trainer, I too decided I would like to be a lean mean fighting machine......so yesterday I went to get all my vital stats on paper and see what body fat % I am.

So up the stairs I go to be weighed in, now at this point I am thinking, yeah, this is gonna be good as I have lost 13 pounds on my own since July so I was hoping my home scale was off, and this scale would tell me I have actually lost 20.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! My stupid fucked up home scale is 8 pounds off, but not in a good way........fuck, this means I was fatter at the start than I thought I was......and the downhill from there.

We go and get measured, oh yes, the fatness continues, yes, only I could have one side fatter than the other side. So now I will only pose facing with my left side at people. Does this side make me look thinner?

Oh yes, and then we have body fat testing. Just to put the icing on the cake.........(I was feeling good before I walked in as I took a body fat test on ishape.com which said I was in the perfect zone for my age, weight......oh yeah, forgot my scale sucks.....) body fat testing shows that I am........FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goddamnsonofabitch!!! How depressing was this day? However my coworkers when I got back to the salon were trying to cheer me up, "at least you know now Vampy, and you have lost weight already, and it doesn't show....and you have a goal to work towards!!"

UH, yeah, I had a goal to work toward already, before the scale decided to stuff 8 pounds back on me and then tell me my body fat %!

Anywayz, today was the first day of my actual weight training with my personal trainer. I kicked down the money (yeah, mangey some of us are not as lucky as you...) and began my grueling 30 minutes of lifting weights.....oh yeah, did I tell you I hate lifting weights? Maybe thats why I am so FAT!! I like the aerobics, you know the tae bo, the walking the dogs, that type of exercise, that, I can do, however, its not enough. so now three days a week I will be grunting like a pig and sweating like one as well as I try and get my body fat % down to the reasonable zone. Reality sucks. I want my fantasy of I am not fat back. Damn it!!

However, when I can start to actually see muscle defintion in my bicep I will be lovin the pain. Until that day however, it SUCKS!!!!!!

Gardening 101

Just when I thought I had given up on my veggie garden for the year, I went out today to pull weeds and chop down the pathetic corn that barely did anything. However, when I got out there, I actually have a few things starting to grow. Not the corn, that is a waste of space and I pulled all of them out. But my little cherry tomatoes are now really coming on good and alot were red, and I have a ton more little green ones!! I also spied an actual cucumber. I had really written them off. As I keep getting the flowers on them, and the next day I am out something has eaten them. But low and behold I have one cucumber braving it on his own out there.

I then went to my watermelons, ready to dig them up and call it quits, when I spied two little melons! Yipeee! They are about the size of tennis balls at the moment but none the less they are growing!

So I guess my green thumb hasn't all but vanished, it just took way longer than normal for my veggies to do anything.

I did manage to weed and pull out the never ending raspberry canes that keep on popping up in other locations besides where they should be, and I got some serious scratches from them as well. At one point the raspberries were trying to pull off my pants, and they were doing a bloody good job of it too! Pervs! Now I am just feeling like I have been in a scratching fight with all these marks on me.

So thats how my labor day was. Hope yours was just as groovy. Going to go and make me a salad now!

Fly Away

Leo says it smells like cow shit around here. What is up with that? There are no cows in my neighborhood, yet when I came back from my dog walk this morning, the air was thick with cow shit smell. Where do you think this is Petaluma??? (if any of yous have been to Petaluma on a hot summer day, you will understand this!!)

So I have one of those cranky/irritable/throwing stuff around my room kinda moments right now, and I don't know where it has come from.....I don't have pms. I didn't have a bad day. Nothing is wrong at the moment.....hmmmmm...

However I did pick up a message from one of my fair weather friends (please tell me I am not the only one who tends to pick up these kind o friends, you know them, the ones you never here from unless they either want something, need to brag, need to vent, or they just remembered you for a mere nanosecond....)

Anyway, I think that has what has gotten me irritated at the moment. Don't call me out of the blue acting all like we are bestest friends, when you haven't spoken to me in about three months and the only times you called before was to ask a question about something you needed.

So fuckin irritating. Mangey gets weird psycho path friends that latch on to her and stalk her. I just get "I will only be nice to you when I know I need something from you."

Well to you I say "Fuck Off". I do know I have had these types o' friends throughout my history. Starting as a young vampy they would be nice to me because I had the correct answers in grade school, later on it was because I knew somebody they wanted to know, or because I could get them into some place cool. My mum used to say they were "hangers on" and I didn't understand what she meant. But I sure do now. They like to hang on to me as to think they can get something from me.

Well I say, no more my fair weather friend, it doesn't work that way anymore. So I will do as I always do to people that piss me off. I cut you off. Thats right, no more mz. nice vampy. You are cut off the list. Do your own homework. Get a clue. I don't need friends like you.

And Leo says, yeah, it does smell like shit around here.....Bull Shit!!!

Lets Do The Time Warp Again!!!!!!!!

So my excitement of Sunday is picking out my free CD from my CD club. Yeah, I know what you ar thinking, "wow Vampy you are one power packed excitement weekend warrior!" Yes, I know........


Anyway here are my choices so far:

The Babys Anthology: songs include: Isn't It Time, Every Time I Think of You, If you've Got The Time......(all those great classics from the 70's and early 80's...)

David Bowie: Young Americans: songs include: Fame, Young Americans, Across the Universe, Fascination, Who Can I be Now...( I am on a David Bowie kick at the moment, so this would go well with my grooves in the car....)

The Best of Alice Cooper: Mascara and Monsters: songs include: Schools Out, Poison, No More Mr. Nice Guy, I'm Eighteen.....( Alice is always good to drive too......)

Peter Frampton: Greatest Hits: songs include: Show Me The Way, I'm In You, Baby I love Your Way, Do You Feel Like We Do (songs to curl up under a fern and be mellow too....)

Heart: Bebe Le Strange: songs Include: Even It Up, Sweet Darlin, Down On Me, Raised on You, Break, Pilot ( Mangey has been in a Bebe Le Strange mood, and being the copy cat little sister, thought I would too....)

INXS: Kick: songs include: New Sensation, Never Tear Us Apart, Devil Inside, Need You Tonight, Mediate, Wild Life (what can I say, Michael Hutchance was at his hottest on this album)

Rick James: The Definitive Collection: songs include: Super Freak, Give It To Me Baby, Loosey's Rap, Can't Stop, Ebony Eyes......(SJ and Mangey will definitely be up for this one!)

Janes Addiction: Nothings Shocking : songs include: Idiots Rule, Jane Says, Had A Dad.....(wait a minute, I think I have this already.......or do I have it on vinyl? Have to check.....)

The Best of Morrissey: songs include: Everyday Is LIke Sunday, The More You Ignore Me, November Spawned, Suedehead, We Hate It...( depression at its best!!!)

The Steely Dan STorey: Showbiz Kids; songs include: Rikki Don't Lose That Number, Peg, My Old School, FM....(you can never have enough Steely Dan....)

What? You think I am stuck in a time warp rut? None of these artists are new? Well until you can give me something better than The Pussycat Dolls (you gotta be kidding, this is a cd choice?), Ashley Simpson (no Comment) Nick Lashay (see last quote), Carrie Underwood (no country idol for me thanks,)KT Tunstall (that cherry tree song makes me want to hurl) Ne-Yo (who-yo?) and many others, I think I will stick to my 80's and 70's classics thanks.......

Leo, the Dog Star

He was nearly named Sirius for the dog star. But Satan couldn't commit to the name. So Leo he became. As it is the dog days of summer and because Sirius is the brightest star in the sky at night, Leo also wanted to be the brightest too. So for your viewing pleasure, I give you Leo, the dog star......

The Grapes of Wrath......................

Its been at least a couple of years since we first planted our grapevines, and now they are finally producing fruit! We also have green grapes now too! These red ones are believed to be "seedless". Yeah, right. How come I have yet to have actually bitten into a red grape and to have no seeds with it. Every single red grape I do believe I have had over the years have had seeds in them. False advertising is all I can say.

Satan and I were very thrilled though to see our first grapes appear! Now if we can only keep them away from the great grape thief, Spirit, we will be able to actually eat our grapes.

Spirit hasn't yet found the grape stash, as we have carefully hidden them with the grape leaves. Cunning, aren't we....................

It's An Evil Day In The Neigborhood......

It's always a fab event when I get a call in the middle of the day from the fabulous Chicken and she lets me rant!! I was rantin' and rollin! Sorry chicken that this isn't one of the chickens that roam my street, they have been camera shy as of late, so I thought you may like this instead!!

I was telling Mz. Chicken that I was having a day of cancellations....which were making me irritable, and I told her one of my waxing clients cancelled because she woke up with a cold sore...and can't get a lip wax with cold sore....and then chicken says, well its better there than having one down below and them not telling you before you bikini wax them. Uh, gross! and so true.

So although the cancelations, I was able to make up the dosh by selling my make up line to the unsuspecting victims that came up my stairs today.... muhhahahhahahahhahahahha!

You will buy this makeup and you will love it! And if I don't have the color you want, you will still give me money! muhahahhahhahahahhahahhahahhaha!

ok, going to go watch Rockstar SuperNova now....toodles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A New Level of Evil

Whats more evil than laughing at someone who is in pain? Laughing at them while you are inflicting the pain. And not just hee hee haa haa, kind of laughing, but gut renching, crouched over holding stomach, no sound coming out of mouth hysterical laughing. yes that was me.

Can I have my new evil crown as I enter this next level? Thank you.

Oh, and did I tell you that it was a waxing victim. did I tell you it was a fury man/beast? and that he was really a nice guy, which makes me even more evil.

However as I look back to find where I got this kind of evil from, I do notice that my sweet sweet mother had this evilness to her. I do remember as a child while walking on the beach with her while my sistas were at school, our family dog came up behind me and took out my legs while chasing after our other dog. Now being barely five at the time, you would have thought my mother would have come running over to see if her darling youngest girl was ok as she lay flattend in the wet sand face implanted in a tide pool. But no, as I adjusted my five year old eyes out of the tide pool I remember seeing my mother bent over gut renching laughing at me trying to say to me are you ok, but all that was coming out of her mouth was wind. Yeah. That was my mum. My oldest sister (not mangey, who infact is quite sympathetic to those in pain) has this evil gene as well. Too many countless times do I remember watching her bent over double laughing at one of our misshaps of getting injured.

So where did the evil gene pass down from. I do believe it was my grandfather. Evil man he was. So sorry furry man/beast for laughing so hard last night while ripping wax off your chest. It was the evil gene in me that made me do it. Luckily you were a good sport and could see the sad humor in it too.

And what about the Pandas you ask? They kick ass. Plain and simple.

Channeling the Dosha....

Not much happenin here as of late. So enjoy another dragonfly pose.

Hopefully this week will be more exciting. As I am going to a Ayurvedic Diagnosis class tomorrow to get intouch with my dosha.

Peace Out!

Party On Wayne........

This weekend there were several birthday celebrations, first and foremost (of course) was Mangey Cur!! We celebrated her birthday by going to see Velvet Revolver in her honor. (too bad Mangey couldn't make it, it was an awesome show!) Our seats for the show kicked ass, as I not knowing how to read a ticket properly until the night of the show, realized we were in the third row!! Kick Ass!!!

The second of the birthday celebrations were the boys! They turned a year old over the weekend. And they decided to have their own birthday celebrations while we were at the concert. The boys thought that our friend Chris had given them a killer birthday present by leaving his doobage on the patio table.............

so needless to say when we arrived home at about 1 am, the boys had torn up a few too many patio seat cushions, as well as tearing into the doobage and leaving the evidence all over the house! Spirit was found happily making stupid faces on the carpet, while Leo decided he looked good wearing the halloween hat.

Oh boys, I hope Mangey had as good of a party as you two obviously did!!

When I wake Up, In my Makeup....

Ok, can't believe I am actually quoting Courtney Love......but as I just spent a shit load of money on makeup I guess I don't care. I just purchased the line of Jane Iredale cosmetics for my biznezz. As I am about to move upstairs to my new location which has tons and tons of room. And as the owner of the salon (downstairs) didn't want to bring in the line, she said I could! Yippeeee!! Now I will be hocking my wares to everyone who steps foot up my stairs!

Hark! Who goes there? Care to by some makeup?

Smashing the fat................

Ok, so I have started yet another diet. Yeah, I know, whatever.

Anyway its called the fat smash diet. If any of you saw Celebrity Fit Club on Vh1, then that is the one I am doing.

You have to do a nine day detox where all you can eat is basically veggies and fruit. They either have to be raw, steamed or grilled to eat them..all I can say, is can day 10 get here any faster?

It is the end of day three for me. I haven't had coffee for three friggin days. Instead you can have herbal tea. So I have had green tea. Without sweetner. So I feel like I have been drinking grass for three days.

I went to the website and read the testimonials. So if I can lose 10 -12 pounds that some people have on the phase one, then this will be so worth it. Otherwise , there is one hefty piece of chocolate waiting with my name on it on day 10.

Alrighty then, thats it for me right now, think I will go and drink some grass now. Peace out!

Mystify Me.....

During my normal Sunday shopping at Safeway experience I found the following to be cornfusing. As I am walking in to the store from the parking lot, white trash family is in front of me. Dad looking like strung out tweeker, with trucker hat on, white dirty tshirt, jeans.....The mom, fat, hair pulled back in greasy pony tail, wearing a moo moo.....Child of about 5 years old in between them looking like she hasn't had a bath in weeks, nor anyone brushing her hair for that matter. Oh yeah, the most important part of this tale: both white trash mom and dad are smoking on their cigarettes profusely so they can go in the store, you know you can't just put it out, you got to get every bit of that nicotine, toxin shit in your lungs before you go in.

So I hurry on around them as not to inhale their pollutants.......Later on when I am nearly done shopping and I am over by the dead Caracas area looking at what dead Caracas looks good to have for the week, I notice white trash family approaching.....And what the fuck do they have in their shopping cart? Everything in their cart is the Safeway "O" organic brand. I am dumbstruck. You were puffing away like a chimney out in the parking lot inhaling every bad toxin imaginable into your body, and then you go and buy nothing but organic products? I was mystified. I guess its like eating a Big Mac and Fries and asking for a Diet Coke to go with that........And what about the water lilly in the photo you ask? It was mystified too.

The Red Dragon

Here's another lovely Dragonfly. As not much has been happening here. Unless you would like to hear the usual bikini wax horror. As it is bikini waxing season. And I guess women think that getting a bikini wax is like going to the shrink. As I think I need to be charging a listeners fee to this service, as the things I am hearing!. Its better than Days of Our Lives. So lets all look at the pretty dragonfly instead shall we and think of happier times!? Lets not leave it to beaver ok.......

Welcome to The Grand Illusion...........

This morning there were tons o' dragonflies over our pond. Of course the really really cool one didn't wait for me to go and get the camera, but this cool little blue one waited patiently for me to focus and click a bazillion photos of him.

So next of course I went to my animal/insect totem books to look up what dragonfly is all about so here goes:

Dragonfly medicine is of the dreamtime and the illusionary facade we accept as physical reality. The iridescence of dragonfly's wings reminds us of colors not found in our everyday experience. Dgragonfly's shifting of color, energy, form, and movement explodes into the mind of the observer, bringing vague memories of a time or place where magic reigned. (from the book medicine cards)

Something Freakish This Way Comes.....

Yay! My Pete Burns book, The Freak Unique, arrived in the mail today! I had to order it from Amazon uk, as nowhere could I find it over in this country to buy. As I was showing Satan the book as I squealed like a girl unveiling the book from its Amazon cardboard package, he says, did you get it on cd? ( As I purchased the Divinci Code for him to listen to in his car) Satan is now all about books on cd.....no sorry Satan, I will have to be reading this one to you. Unless Pete has done an audio recording of it??????????? I will have to go and aimlessly search for that now! Damn you Satan, making me go mad (bad and dangerous to know) with all these new Pete Burns possibilities!!

And yes Mangey Cur, when I am done reading it, I will send it on to you to read.......just make sure I get it back!!!!!

The Ring of Fire

oh yes, how gross is this! This was the shit hole from yesterday! (photo on left!)So hideous, but today we have our toilet back, (top photo)and gross ring of fire and shit is covered up! Didn't take photo of the bucket or me on the bucket, (that would have been a photo only Liz could have done!)

Continued construction today, Satan is working on the wall behind the bathtub. Will have photos on that later.........

Home Improvements

Today is home improvement day. I am helping Satan with the bathroom. It is going to be one limestone masterpiece by the time it is done. From the shower (pictured here) to the vanity, to the bathtub, to the floor, and the wall surrounds. I think I may have left Northern Calif, and have gone to Bedrock. But I am so much more Betty than I am Wilma. But Satan is neither Fred or Barney....hmmm.....

Happy Birthday Satan!

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Satan,
Happy Birthday to you!!

Now lets all go eat some Cake!!!!

Where The Wild Things Roam

ok, so as I was trying to capture the wild on camera, I came across a wild and irritated Satan. Look closely at the blood shot eyes, the wild startlement in them as well. Never, never, creep up on Satan while he is working on home improvements. So Mangey, does this win some sort of freak of the week prize? Just curious!

Best In......Live Action Pose?

Alright Mangey,,,,, I'm bringin' it! Har! Thought this is a cool photo of Willow in action running in the bottom of the yard........so what do ya think? Is it prize worthy? Or need I go back and stalk my dogs some more?

Every Little Thing the Reflex Does.......

Couldn't help but sing a Duran Duran song. I am so 80's.

Anyway, for the past two days I have been in San Francisco learning Reflexology...... and I was thinking it was going to be more hands and ears reflexology (given I am an esthetician), BUT NOOOOOOO! I had to touch gross feet for two days.... and not just one persons feet, but several different feet!

They were clean feet, but feet just smell like feet, regardless of how many times you wash them... and like Mangey says that foot smell stays on your hands for awhile, until you scrub your hands raw.

And then you can still smell feet.

However, I was told that I am good at reflexology by the many o' owners of the above mentioned feet. Also while getting a reflexology done myself, I found myself on the astral plane. (thats in between awake and dreaming) I was having a groovy conversation with Mangey's dogs. Yes, I could understand them. We were emersed in convo when I was jarred back to reality by my reflexologist letting me know I was done.... and she wanted to know why I was smiling thru most of the session, did I enjoy it? Only me and the curs know for sure!

He Did a Bad Bad Thing

The ottoman that Spirit is slime-ing off of here, he and his brother (too embarrased to show face) decided that while dad was out at home depot, they would chew massive chunks out of it . First they did pull off the blanket that was on top, as they didn't want to mess that up.... and proceeded to chew and chew and chew...... until dad got home and they were punished.

I am just glad I wasn't home to witness the punishing, as I am sure it wasn't pretty.

Scary Clown Teeth Smile

Who says dogs don't smile for their photos? Willow is just so happy to pose for the photo, she even likes to show her scary clown teeth.

Stunna - Shades.......

This is what one of the girls at work is calling my new fabulous Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses I bought last week at the Dolce & Gabbana store in the Ceasar's mall in Vegas. I of course being so out of the loop on new lingo had to ask what she had said.

She said that is what "us" kids are calling stunning these days. If it is really cool, its stunning, or stunner, however, you have to drop the "er" or "ing" and just say stunna.

Ok. Thought she was just takin' the piss at me being a retard, however, one of the hairstylists came up to me yesterday before I left and said where did you get those "stunna shades?" And how much were they? yeah, expensive. but, I can't help it, I love Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.........$240.00 . Yeah, I know. But I couldn't help it.


So enjoy the photos of the "stunna shades" one outside of their "house" er, sunglass case, and then of course me wearing the "stunna shades." And that is a purple shirt I am wearing. Not blue....just incase you were in shock that I am wearing something other than black. Purple is the color of choice outside of black.

Bitches!

At the trade show in Vegas, I see a cool unusual uniform for work. So me and my friend go over to check them out. the booth is swarming with people.

I find a size 14 in the coat. Mind you I am not a 14, I am a 10, but as the only other choices were size 4, I thought at least I could put it on and visualize what it would like on. Anyway, this one chick who is wearing one of the outfits is helping this other chick with one. And sees me struggling with these really long belt wraps it has (kinda like a geisha belt wrap) so she comes over to me and says, here let me help you. Ok. sure.

Now she says, what size are you wearing. And I not thinking go, oh its a 14. So then she says, oh, well for your size it is better tied in the back. ......... for my size..? What are you impling you bitch?

So I go over to the mirror to check out what it looks like tied in the back for my size, and I am loudly saying to my friend, so for my size how does this look? The chick that had been being helped by the bitch is by the mirror and is being kinda sheepish looking, like she shouldn't have said that huh?

So I ask another chick who is working there how much they are, and they were like $110, too much for something you are going to spill products on. So I put it back on the rack. And walk over to the bitch, and ask her if she has a catalog. and she says,

"Oh, ha ha, we (her and the chick that was with me at the mirror looking sheepish) don't even work here. We are just that opinionated. Ha ha".

Oh no you didn't. You did just say that to me. Ok blondie of the tiny waist and big boob, now I have long stopped putting hexes on people, but for that one, I may just come out of retirement for that. What a fucking bitch. Nothing like feeling I was back in high school.

Wish I was Here

This photo was sent to me from Satan's dad. He and Satan's mum were driving I believe somewhere towards Sussex, England. His mum said, "you must stop to get some photos as Vampy would just love it!" Yes, Satan's mum, I do love it! So much so I wish I was going there.

This week, will be the busiest week of the year so far. Tuesday and Wednesday will be in San Francisco taking a two day Advanced Facial Massage class. Thursday I have an extremely full day at work as it is my only day there. Then Friday I leave for my weekend of spending way too much money in VEGAS BABY!!

So if this is they only post for the next week and a few days, you will know why. Don't worry though. I put all my excitement into one week. So the rest of the year will be pretty pradictable. I can't live on the edge all the time ya know. (that was sarcasam by the way).

Ciao bellas!

On Merky Pond.....

This is one of our ponds down in the bottom of the garden. Spirit thinks its his personal swimming hole, so its not as pretty as the top pond. But I thought the lily pads were cool.

If Only This Was Sunblock!

Although this is a shoe being demolished, Leo decided to get a hold of my sunscreen this morning, bite open the top, and then turn it up the other end and walk around the house while the sunscreen leeked out all over his legs as well as all over the floor. I wasn't able to capture this on film, as it happened 5 minutes before I was to leave for work, so what could have been a most funny photo turned out to be a clean up session in a hurry. But at least Leo had his sunscreen on for the day! Like mother like son is all I have to say!

Snow Ball Fight!

This plant is called a snowball plant. It only blooms once a year here, and at the moment all of our snowball plants are blooming like mad! They make me want to eat one of those snowball coconut confection sugary things. And I don't even like the taste of those coconut things. Its just their alluring way they blow in the breeze.....not really, but it sounded good.

This Week In Pictures.......

bubble head.
lavender gone wild!
maple trees
Koi in feeding frenzie!

Thought having a photo week would help out my lack of entries, per usual I have no such thoughts in my brain to put forth out into the universe. So instead here are some captivitating weekend photos. Our Koi making bubbles, some flowers in the garden, maple tree, and more Koi in our pond. Enjoy kids!

We All Love The Bad Boy.....

And then there is Spirit. My bad boy. But what a cutie.

The Sweetest Thing

Leo. He is the Sweetest Thing. He says look into my eyes, you will become mesmerized. Now take me for a walk damn it!

Creepy Weird

I purchased the new INXS cd the other day.

Can you say creepy weird. They (the old members) obviously picked that JD Fortune dude to sing because he can channel Michael Hutchance. If you didn't know he died, you would think it was him singing.

The new dude even has Michaels breathy deep voice singing bits down. Its creepy. Just creepy.
Can the old members of INXS just not let go of Michael? Or do they think they won't sell cd's if they don't have someone that sounds like Michael sing?

I was actually kind o dissappointed that he sounds so much like him. I think there is only two songs on the whole cd that he is singing in his normal voice. The rest is him channeling Michael.
Its creepy man, just creepy.

I'm Your Turbo Water......

(you will only get the title if you know the Judas Priest song.....)

Over the weekend our shower got fixed! And now it has turbo water! I feel like I am thrown to the other side of the shower by the force of the water! It is most excellent!

I also just gave myself a facial as I haven't had a chance to go and get my regular one! So sad. But I left on the peel to long as I got side tracked(which is way easy for me to do). And now my face stings and is red. So much fun. But at least I can say I burnt off all the bad shit on my face. Now I will definitely need my exta strength sunscreen when I go out. And of course the peel I used was my super strength professional one, not the wimpy over the counter variety. So this means for the next week I will be peeling like a mo fo.

Oh, and my excitement of the day is going to Wally world for dog food. And veggies for my veggie patch. However, I need to figure out how to Dog proof my veggie patch, as the pups have figured out how to jump the fence and get in there. Bad boys. Bad boys. What ya gonna do when they come for the veggies. Ok, yes, I am sad. It must have been the peel, its eating my brain cells now. Who would of thought, extra strength face peel will eat away all those most needed brain cells.

And last but certainly not least, Happy Beltaine to all my Pegan friends out there! Hope your May eve was a good one and today is a great kick off to summer! Blessed Be!

Under Construction.....

Tis the season to remodel. Or fix a leak. Or both. We got a call from the city water district last week telling us we used 40,000 gallons of water. We are either water hogs or we have a leak.

You guessed it, we have a leak. And its under our pantry. And its damaged our bathroom. And Satan hit another water line while trying to find the leaky water line. Oh, and our hot water heater decided to call it a day and packed it in too.

So now we have no water. No water means, having to flush the toilet with a huge bucket. (luckily our water to our garden hose works...don't ask, we don't know either but at least we can fill buckets up.) No water means having to take sponge bob (square pants) baths. No water means having to wash your hair with bottled water.

No water means we are now moving forward with the bathroom remodel sooner than expected. Which means bigger bathroom, way better shower. However, this sponge bob bathing is getting old. I am actually starting to contemplate overdoing it with the perfume and calling it a shower.

Out look for new bathroom completion: two weeks.
Out look for water main fix: tomorrow.
Out look for hot water again: two weeks.

So it looks like we will be having cold showers starting tomorrow night. Hmm, maybe sponge bob doesn't look so bad now. At least I have been boiling the water before I sponge.

You Know Gas Prices Are High When.......

On Friday while at work, I am sitting out in the reception area waiting for my client, when suddenly we in the salon suddenly here a CRASH BOOM BAH....... So we go to the front windows to see whats up, and there was a car that pulled out of our parking lot, into on coming traffic and got hit by the car going north bound. So this doesn't sound to exciting, but the funny thing about this accident was who were in the car going north bound........ a car full of hookers. Yes hookers. I guess they decided to car pool to their street corner. Even hookers need to conserve gas these days.

So it was quite funny to see them in their hookin' outfits all on their cell phones, (were they calling their pimps or their first appointments to tell them they were going to be late?) in the middle of the day with all these soccer moms driving by staring and glaring at them, and trying to divert their childrens eyes as they are staring out the window at them.

I can just hear soccer moms conversation to their kids: "now children, here is the number one reason to stay in school and go to colleage and get a good job, otherwise you will be forced to wear clothing like that, and walk the streets for your pay. Unless you get hit in the front by a landrover, then you will be forced to call your pimp and tell him why you can't go to work, while the rest of society drive by and judge you."

The other funny thing was there was a witness on a bike who looked like he was trying to work out a deal with one of them, maybe he thought as they now maybe strapped for cash he could get a good half price deal.

When the cops arrived, it was interesting that they kept them there longer than the average victim of a car accident. They probably recognized them. The landrover that hit them were even able to leave sooner than the hookers.

Poor hookers. Maybe that will teach them to carpool to work.

TGIF

Nothing exciting to post today.....worked my ass off yesterday. Unfortunately, my ass was able to jump back on me before I left though.....too bad as that would have been a good chunk of weight gone.....

So here is a photo of one of my tulips that finally decided to bloom in my garden this week. Funny what a little sun can do huh?

Although today we are expecting sprinkles. It better be just sprinkles.

Hey, I will probably see the lovely Liz this weekend. As she no longer graces us on her blog.
I am going to Pacifica this weekend to see our friend Hil, as she is hosting a Cabi party. You know the one where Liz spent $2500.00 on clothes, yeah, that party. I think I am pretty safe though as their spring collection has mainly white in it.

Have a good weekend Kids!

Excuse Me While I Clarify My Reasons Why....

Ok, I guess I need to clarify, when I say, I hope I get clients this week for their much needed leg waxing..........and not, full body wax including the bung hole and bush.

And the new hairstylist asked me if I offer waxing of the vaginal area. Uh no. And then she asked me later....have you changed your mind. As she is obviously in need. I said, uh, no, mind still hasn't changed.

Today she got up the courage to ask me why I don't offer this. Plain and simple, people are not the cleanest down in that area, and it smells bad. I don't do well with body odor. She looked at me in horror. "I never thought of that" she said. "yeah, if you are a normally clean individual you kinda take it for granted that everyone is like that. But no. As I had that one woman who came in for her leg wax, and I swear it was part of her cleaning process as she was two shades lighter after I finished. And she wasn't that hairy. Just dirty. "

And don't get me started on how many people who come in for leg waxing have the most shit smelling feet I have ever smelled. So waxing the vaginal area and bung hole will not be happening at this establishment. But I will refer you to someone in another salon, so at least I can refer your stanky ass to someone who likes the smell of ass.

Blue Skies....Nothing but Blue Skies.....

and a few clouds too, do I see. But oh my gaaaaawwwwwddddd! It was sunny and warm today! I actually sat out on my deck (with my spf 30 +) and had my lunch AND read magazines! It was awesome! Totally Awesome!

Supposedly we are in for a week of clear skies. What shall I wear? What shall I do? A whole week of sun? This can't be happening! I am so excited right now! I only hope all my clients are totally stoaked by this as well, and come in for their much needed leg waxing appts, as biznezz has been slow the last couple o' weeks, due to the craptacular weather we have had....and of course taxs.... and now those are over too!!! It just keeps getting better and better! woo hoo!

Dumbasscus

Dumbasscus: noun (dum *ass*kus) he or she who is too stupid for words. One who does retarded things over and over again. the dog pictured here.

Used in a sentence: Spirit is the number one dumbasscus on the planet.


I was getting out of the shower yesterday morning, when I heard strange dog sounds on the other side of the door. So I wrapped a towel around myself and ventured out to see what was going on.

And what do I see, but none other than Spirit (dumbass) frothing at the mouth, banging his head on the ground, rubbing his face all over the floor. What the hell? I am thinking, was he stung by a bee? did he come in contact with a bad spider? oh god did he eat some drano? Do you suddenly have rabies? So I start looking around the room, and what do I see lying on the floor in my bedroom. But my pepperspray. Yes, dumb ass decided to chew on it, and it must have gone off one his face.

So I quickly went and got my robe on, got some ice cold wet towels and proceeded to hold them on his gums for the next 20 minutes. Poor stupid dumbass must have had his mouth feeling like it was on fire!

So after 30 minutes, dumbass is back to looking around for things to chew on. Did you not learn your lesson boy.....oh yeah, you are a dumbass.

Mom Always Said, Don't Play Ball In The House.....

Today I realized I have turned into my mother in the worst possible way: I lecture until I just can't lecture no more!

Speaking to one of the younglings at work today on the topic of sunscreen and why one needs it, I found myself saying things like: "I know you don't understand this right now, as you are too young", and "one day when you are my age, you will appreciate what I am trying to tell you", and then there is the kicker.."why are you arguing with me on this, my dear you are not going to win."

And as those words came from my mouth I think I was channeling my mother. Wholy shit, I am my mother! And in true being lectured at fashion, the youngling did put up a mighty good show of trying to be right. And it was bazzar to see myself 20 years ago trying to prove to my mother that I so knew what I was talking about.

Then I realized. My mom WAS always right. Shit.

And then I was sad, as I so wanted to call her up and tell her how sorry I was for all those stupid arguments I would get into with her, when I truly realize that I was the idiot and didn't know what I was talking about. But then I realized, somewhere in the great beyond she was right there with me today, I think that is why I was hit by the "you will appreciate what I am trying to tell you when you are my age" sound of her voice in me. I think she must have been sitting next to me egging me on, nudging me to go for the jugular with the final "you listen to me missy" tone in my voice.

I also realized something else today. There is another reason I do not want kids. As they would so loathe listening to me right now on ways to protect oneself against environmental aging.

Thats all I really wanted out of todays conversation anyway.

Just wear your sunscreen kids. You will thank me later.

Way of The Warrior

My bohemian mellowness is just not working on dog walks. I don't think I have it in me to be truly bohemian. And I have tried.

So today, I tried a different imagery. One of the Indian Warrior. And I must say, it worked quite well. However, I did get the image of a dude warrior and not the dudess. Does this mean I was a dude in a past life? Anyway, there I was in my cool warrior garb, and my cool warrior headdress. Walking beside me were my two loyal dogs ever so quiet as not to disturb the landscape and also so we can sneak up on our enemies or our food for the day.

Does this sound like I am going crazy? No, just trying to get into a calm zone to walk the two boys as they definitely need calm assertive energy around them, and I am so known to be a spaz about everything. (mangey knows this better than anyone! ok, satan too....)

I now must conjure up my warrior when I go on walks now. As it worked really well. I still would like to be more bohemian. Its just that finding a mellow state of mind is hard for me. Its much more easier to be the dominant warrior. And yet warriors are pretty mellow too, once you get on their good side.

Saturday Morning Post

Weather Report: you guessed it: RAINING!!!

Sports: Leo and Spirit tug o war match on the deck. Willow dancing around as the ref. Or is she just the annoying sister who wants to join in and play?

News: Satan and Vampy will be celebrating their 13th anninversary on Sunday. Lucky 13 or is it EVIL 13!

Taxs are due next week, and still have not received anything back from the accountant. Is this good or bad? I have a feeling it is BAD........time to crack open the savings....God Damn IT!

The word is still out on whether or not the cat fighting hair stylist will be let go or not. Word has it that she is back in today, and so is all the other stylists, hmmmm, will we have round two on our hands today? Maybe I need to bring my camera to work.....

The diet I am on is starting to suck. I actually gained poundage this week.....how did that happen? Hmmm, maybe that's what happens when one adds "Cadburys Mini Eggs" to the menu...oh, did they mean an actual egg? oh well.......luckily Easter is next week, and the Mini Eggs will disappear again.....

Till next time, have a kick ass weekend!

And remember, it is always better to be the kicker of ass, and not the kickee of ass!

The Shit goes down again!

So in trying to find new (let me rephrase that) old tunes I haven't listened to in awhile to listen to, I came across my LA Guns "Hollywood Vampires" tape. Yes, tape. I still have some odd tapes lying around. And my car actually comes with CD and tape player. (my car must of known ahead of time what owner it was getting....) but now I am totally hooked on this album again! I haven't listened to it in like 12 -13 years! It so made my drive to and from work kickin......

Anyway, in other news, why is it that I ALWAYS miss out on the drama at work? Why? So today, I go at lunch to get my car insurance switched over to the same company that our house insurance is under, and while I am gone for a mere 20 minutes, a fight, yes fight between the hairdressers breaks out! FUCK!!!!!!!!!! Why don't you guys wait for me to get back for this kinda shit! Anyway, turns out the new hairdresser used some perm rod papers that didn't belong to her, and just took them out of another hairdressers cabi, and all hell broke loose! New chick threw a wad of perm papers at one hair dresser who was merely getting a drink of water, then the other hairdresser called the new chick childish, in which the new chick then starts cussing and screaming at her telling her to (and I quote) " mind your own damn buziness,,,bitch!"
Ok, so this I was told not only sent the chick who got called a bitch out of the salon and her client as well, but the dueling hairdressers threatened to leave and go else where if this newbie isn't gone by tomorrow!

All of this in 20 minutes I'm tellin ya! When I got back there was like the owner, the chick that got beaned in the head with the perm paper, and the new chick there acting like nothing happened. But chick that got beaned, looks up at me and goes, Vampy, why are you always gone when shit goes down.....

So I have made new Vampyre rules at work:

if there is to be a fight, or a car chase, or some weird ass chick taking her clothes off across the street (yeah forgot to tell you about that one) or anyother weird ass shit going down, please make sure it is when I am here. Because, I am starting to believe that you are all messin with me. And it is so not April Fools Day anymore.

It Can't Rain All The Time......

Or can it? I am seriously really getting sick of this weather. How many days of rain have we had now? I think we had 5 days of non rain for the whole entire month of March!! And here we are the second day of April, and still raining!!!

I so want to be out in my garden planting my flowers and getting my veggie patch turned over for the summers veg. Or even just trying to Dog Proof the veggie patch would be something to do besides sit here and watch the rain come down.

It wouldn't be bad if I was in England. That is the whole charm of England is the weather. But I am in Friggin California man, the land o sunshine, and I am seriously getting depressed. Like living in Sucramento depressing. I remember those days growing up there and being depressed in the early part of the year because of the sucky valley fog.

And what will probably really suck is that after all this fuckin rain, we will probably go right into extreme heat. I WANT MY SPRING DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You would think my house would be spotless right now as I have been inside for so long, but no, as this weather has actually made me stay at work longer so when I have gotten home I have been too tired to clean this pig sty.

So here is a list of my rainy tunes to help me wallow in my misery of this depression:

1. 1. It Can't Rain All The Time- Jane Siberry (the Crow Soundtrack)
2.Irresponsible Hate Anthem - Marilyn Manson (Antichrist Superstar)
3.Beauty and the Beast - Stevie Nicks (Wild Heart)
4.Lullaby - The Cure
5.No Time to Cry - Sisters of Mercy
6 Any Nick Drake song.....except pink moon as that reminds me of the summer
7.Holding Back the Years- Simply Red

ok, think I will go and eat now....and listen to some more rainy day tunes......

Some Like It Hot......Some Like it Hot.....

Today while driving to work, a song came on the radio I haven't heard in ages, "Some Like It Hot"(or was it called Feel the Heat?) by the Powerstation, that great 80's band of Robert Palmer (rip) and I think a couple o' dudes from Duran Duran.

It's that beginning drum that always to this day gets me right back in dance class (with those shimmering jazz hands!) circa 1986!

I think this may have been the Powerstations one and only hit. I can understand why though as how could they ever match that drum beat.. da da, da da, da-da-da-da-da-da!
(ok, how odd is that I am writing of old Duran Duran dudes, and through in the other room, I hear on the tv, "Girls On Film!" ok, thats just to wierd. I am channeling Duran Duran.)

In other songs on the radio today, "Imagine" came on the radio, and the 19 year old girl who works the beauty supply area, says to me, Vampy, who sings this?
Uh, that would be John Lennon.
"oh, I didn't know. Well, what can I say its not my era."
I give a blank stare. Uh, chicka, its not my era either. How old do you think I am?
she just giggles.............

Thanks, maybe I should go back to Chevys and see if I can be pitty carded again.......

Midday Margaritas!

I found out what a real light weight I am. I went to Chevy's with some of my co workers and had midday Margaritas. Ok, I can only handle one now.

I used to kick back loads o tequilla 15 years ago. Not anymore. One margarita and I am ready for a major nap for the rest of the day. Got back to work and laid on my facial bed and had a nice snooze. Woke up and decided I should go home. Yeah. I am loads of fun.

However, the raspberry and strawberry Margarita did kick ass! The rest of the Chevys lunch wasn't as great, as the service was craptacular. I guess that's what happens when your waiter is the bartender. You get a killer drink but crap wait service.

Oh yeah, and I was "pitty carded". The owner of the salon was carded when we ordered our lunch. And I said, "I am so jealous, and I am the one that really takes care of my skin!".....so the bartender/waiter says, oh I will need to see yours as well.

Yeah, right dude, being that I could be everyone's mother at this table. I got my I.D. out, and he glanced at it....not even looked at it to see the birth year. You suck dude, I didn't need a pitty ID check..... You could have at least followed thru on your "I need to see yours as well."

Like I said, the Drink was killer, but the service sucked.......

Blink Blink.......

So over the weekend I went to a lash extension class. I was not really up for getting up at 5:30 in the morning on a Sunday to drive to the East bay for a 8:30 class.

But I did go with one of my friends (yeah one of the few) from school, so it wasn't so bad.

The class was actually pretty cool. And now I am sporting a cool set of lash extensions myself. I would have posted a photo, but the camera is missing. As Satan has been bogarting it for his work.

So you will just have to make do with the "ad" photo of the lash extensions.

I can charge between $125 and $300 for this service! However, it takes about 1-2 hours for them to be applied. But as soon as I get the hang of it, hopefully it won't take as long.

But as prom and wedding season is getting closer, I will hopefully be pretty busy with these lash thingies!

But I need to practice. So now I need willing victims to hang out with me for 2 hours while I apply these to their eyelashes. I think I have some takers at work. But if that doesn't work, I think Satan will be looking awfully cute soon sporting some lash extensions!!!

Harshin the Mellow

I am trying to become more zen like. More Bohemian. More mellow. However, this week has been challenging. You think I was pms'd or something....which I am not,,,,,thats next week.

Why am I trying to be more mellow? Well to calm the nerves of my dogs for one, as they can pick up on energy, but also to calm the savage beast that lives inside of me second.

But this week is not working.

First off, the dogs decided to beat the crap out of each other yesterday, the pups that is. So much so it was like watching two taz manian devils twirl around my bedroom, by the time I got them apart, scolded them and put them in their place, my voice was nearly gone. Not away to start off the morning being in zen.

Next work was crazy and crazy clients as well. My leg wax client stunk so bad I nearly dry heaved. Her feet were the worst. And we all know how much I hate feet. And then while waxing her I noticed as I am taking off the wax, that half of her leg (the part I have just waxed) is 2 shades lighter than the rest of her legs. Can you say hasn't showered in awhile? Yes, I was peeling dirt off of her. I think that was my record speed wax record in that room. Needless to say, smelly feet and dirty skin make one cranky vampy.

And I won't even mention that it was roaming retard day at Walmart when I went to pick up dog food. And the poor lady who was the only soul in charge of the retards was trying to round up the escapees who happened to be running down my isle, hands in the air and screaming loudly. (however when I was retelling this tale to Satan, I realized I may have mistaken the roaving band of retards for actual zombies....same walk, same odd sounds.,....hmmmm......)

So you can see my zen like ways are slowly slipping away from me. Maybe I should go and do some yoga to bring back the peace inside me............peace out.

Ostara

Yay!! Spring is here!! But it is still raining! It was nice for the weekend, and now it is back to the pissing down rain!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Ok, excuse the mild breakdown, for todays post here are some fun spring equinox facts for everyone!:

Ostara

Celebrated on the occasion of the Vernal Equinox when day and night are equal, in perfect balance. Named after the Norse goddess, Ostara who took her name form the Teutonic lunar goddess Eostre and calculated according to the full moon nearest the Spring Equinox. some traditions declared this holy day a fixed date of March 25th with celebration beginning the sundown before.

The theme of victory over death is obvious and the victory is Mother Nature's. The Christians assimilated this pagan holy day by setting the date for Easter as the first Sunday after the Equinox, unless it falls on the occasion of a full moon, in which case it should be observed on the first Sunday after the full moon. Then after going to such lengths to avoid association with lunar symbolism, they named the holiday Easter after the lunar goddess. (info taken from Seasons of the Witch)

But now Easter is next month.....hmmm....I guess christians are now trying to get far far away from the equinox this year.

Better Than Sex.........

This is what I was told by a client yesterday as I was giving her a facial. She said it was better than sex......ok. So one of the hairstylists said that is what I should call one of my facials. Yeah, I can see the freakin pervs comin in for that one thinking I am doing happy endings or something. uh, no.

I haven't been told this of my waxing skills yet. However, I guess I haven't had anyone that is into S&M maybe. Maybe I should put that in my brouchure:

S&M waxing: Let me here you scream as I tear hair from your skin $55.00

Dominatrix waxing: I will tell you to shut up and take it like the little girl or little girly man that you are as I wax you senseless. $85.00

I do have a shiny black leather apron I can wear for both, and a bull whip...I just don't know if I want to get wax on my bull whip though........

The Freak Unique

Oh Pete, I know I have said this before, but what have you done to yourself? So sad...HOWEVER,.......

As I was telling Satan last night about Pete coming out with a "tell all" book on April 20th...he says, hmm, maybe he will go on a book tour and do like the tonight show, letterman, and all those other shows.....he may even do a book tour at book shops for you!

OH MY GOD SATAN! You are so right!!! What if he does! That would be fabulous! I know you look way more freakish than ever my sweet Pete, but I would still love, love, LOVE to see you in person!! And a book tour!! Oh I am soooo hoping it will come true!!!

I maybe the only girl standing in line, surrounded by all my gay friends, but nothing will keep me from seeing my sweet pete! As the last time I can remember Dead or Alive came around, we are going back years people, I was actually grounded by my mother. Yes. That long ago.

So now my daily activity will be Pete watch, too see if he does do a book tour. Oh how grand it will be!!

Snow Day

Yeah, I know I have been a slacker. But I don't have anything. So here is a photo of Spirit and Leo. Spirit was trying to lick the snow off the fence. Although, you can't really see the snow as it was just starting to fall in this photo. Yes, it is snowing here at my house. This may not be too exciting for those of you who live in snow places, however, living in the bay area does not usually mean watch out for snow on your way home. The other night driving home was interesting, never driven in a snow down pour. Is that what you call it? It wasn't a blizzard. Heavy snowing? I just don't know.

Anyway, the next day it snowed again. It was great, while I was doing my tae bo dvd I was able to watch the snow falling outside. After tae bo, I made Satan get out of bed and go for a dog walk with me in the snow. Ok, I always knew I get cranky when rain splatters my face, but having snow splatter your face and stick is a whole new concept I wasn't ready for. However, it was a rather fast walk as it was so fucking cold.

Today it is forcasted to snow again. What the fuck? I live in the bay area for god's sake. Why is it snowing here 10 days before the first day of spring? I do realize I would rather it snow than to be stuck inside with it pouring down rain.

Thats all I got kids.

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down.....

This is what happens when it rains. You get so bored of being inside you start to humilate your dogs just so you will be amused for awhile. So sorry Leo, but it had to be done.

I was able to get out for 40 minutes this morning to take the pups for a walk before it started to down pour again. The other two were rather pissed as they didn't get their walk. But it was by who needed it most this morning, and the pups were so stir crazy for being inside for two days they got priority.

In other news I went to Macys over the weekend as I was on a hunt for new makeup. What I discovered was how old I felt going to the Mac and Bobbi Brown counters. Wow, did I really used to wear that much makeup when I worked in cosmetics was one of the first thoughts in my head as I was being helped by a girl 20 years younger than me. Fuck, I could be your mother was my other thought. And then the reality of how I am so not 20 something anymore....I am holding on for dear life as my 30 somethings will be ending soon.

However I was so glad I do not work in cosmetic retail hell anymore. That was the major news I got out of it. Those poor chickas chained to their counters doing endless amounts of makeovers for peanuts. How I do not miss those days.

So what did I purchase while I was there, ok so here is my loot:

Mac contour brush
Mac blending brush
Mac eyeshadow, Coppering
Mac eyeshadow, Hepcat
Bobbi Brown eyeshadow,Heather
Bobbi Brown eyeshadow, Raisin
Bobbi Brown lipstick, Beige

Oh yes, nothing like a little makeup therapy to make a girl forget about the rainy day blues....

Plasma Melt Down....

Was going to post yesterday, really I was! But came home to Satan staring tragically at a blank tv. Seems like our Plasma tv went Ka-put. We then spent the next 3 hours searching my office Hi and Lo for the warrenty....which we couldn't find......fuck!!!

However, Satan did go to Best Buy today and they did have our Warrenty on file, so the coolness of this is that we will either get an upgrade to a much better plasma (as they don't make ours anymore) or the tv repairman will come out to fix it! I never really new tv repair men were real. I thought it was just one of those urban legends. So I just hope he is wearing ass crack pants to complete the whole image I have in my head.

After all the excitement of the tv being fucked up, I can't remember what I was going to post about now.....god damn it! I hate having alsheimers at 38. It just sucks. Maybe thats what keeps me from posting. I can't find where my blog has gone too. Sweet Mother of Lucifer! I am just one sad sad vampyre........

Leo and his Backpack

Leo needed a backpack. Not for his school books, he is too young for school. The dog whisperer said if your dog is still pulling on the leash when on walks, get a back pack. And oh man, what a difference a back pack makes. Its like a totally new dog on the walk.

As you can see Mr. Leo totally luvs his new back pack too. Note the pose. He wanted to make sure that if a model maybe needed, he wants everyone to know he is avaliable for future back pack modeling...